Jester.
Most Espers manifest their talents as either Wizards—an attack-focused role—or Clerics, who focus on recovery. Both are powerful classes, precisely because they are specialized.
In the midst of that, there was my class. It had an occurrence rate of one in tens of thousands.
It was a rarity among rarities. The kind of class that only appeared by accident.
According to the conventions of good old-fashioned RPGs, it was the "Late Bloomer Type." In short, it was absolute trash until the mid-game. In fact, the prevailing theory was that the developers had created it as a form of player harassment.
Sure, if you managed to reach the high-rank Sage class, you would undeniably be the strongest. But the path to get there was far too agonizing.
In the early game, it could sort of fight. After all, it could use every ESP ability from every other class. However, the output was garbage. It would immediately be relegated to a support role.
That said, its healing and buffs were also garbage. The hardship of the mid-game was beyond words. Physical enhancement? Garbage. Attacks? Garbage. Healing? Garbage. Support? Garbage.
It was so universally reviled as garbage that an update had apparently been pushed just to buff its close-combat stats.
To be fair, the abilities used on the field outside of combat were ridiculously extravagant. Thanks to an abnormal luck stat, the item drops were luxurious. But when someone asked, "Is that actually helpful for clearing the game?" you could only fall silent. If you were going to rely on drop items, you were better off specializing in pure combat power to slaughter Zorks and rake in reward money.
If you worked hard enough, you could make a Merchant route work to some extent, but then people would just point out that a Merchant’s unique skills were better for that anyway.
In summary: garbage.
Strategy sites explicitly stated that if this class appeared, you should delete your character immediately. It was such a hellish path that not even RTA speedrunners would touch it. The road to becoming a Sage was paved with bare glass blades. If anyone actually intended to aim for that, they were better off just dumping points into Strength and going the Marine route.
Forget ESP! It didn't even exist! Just let me die!
As I was spiraling into despair, my wife came running over.
"My husband! A Jester, you say?!"
It seemed the notification had reached her at the same time.
"It is... it is the Black Calamity..."
"The what now?"
"The disaster said to have destroyed one-third of the Imperial territory five hundred years ago! The cause of it was a Jester-class Esper!"
"Wait, what? Does that mean I’m going to be executed?"
"No, that will not happen today. However, it is an incredibly rare class. This must be the first discovery in five hundred years."
Well, obviously. The only people who would ever try to level up a Jester were people with way too much free time. It was the "frustration" slot!
Personally, I intended to dump every point I had into Strength and Agility. There was no way I was going to destroy a third of the Empire. This was a class that even the hardcore speedrunners had abandoned!
"Husband! Jesters possess... a powerful Reality Alteration Ability!"
"That’s the first I’ve heard of that!"
A terrifying truth had just been dropped on me.
"That is the frightening part of a Jester. They reconstruct the world itself, independent of their own will. Of course, there are limits, but... the fact that I was in a nearby sector when you were in trouble might have been..."
"My ability?!"
No wonder I’d been so lucky. Was I the type of character who was abnormally strong in areas that didn't show up in stats or combat?
No... wait. Could it be that?
"Is it the one where enemies increase?"
It was one of the unique ESP abilities. The effect was simply that more enemies appeared. It didn't have any strategic value, like drawing aggro or managing hate. They just... increased.
Did experience points increase to compensate? No. The drop items just got a tiny bit better. You were better off just clearing the scenario normally.
This was awful. My probability of dying was just going to go up! Is there some kind of insurance I can sign up for right now?!
"Um, look... Jesters probably aren't actually that stro—"
"Fu... fuhahahahahaha! Husband!"
"Y-yes?!"
"We shall aim for the Imperial Throne!"
"Please stop!"
It’s going to be a living hell, so please stop! I’ll die way before I ever become Emperor! Jesters are seriously, honestly trash, so stop!
"The matter is decided! You have no path of refusal. If you dislike it, then try to kill me."
"I refuse that too. I'm not the kind of man who would kill the wife I married, even if it was a forced arrangement."
"It seems I was too hasty. Regardless, through the battles with hostile organisms, I shall draw closer to the throne whether I wish to or not. I am counting on you, my husband."
My life was starting to feel like a glitched game.
"Ah, that’s right. Apparently, we have Drop Training starting in the next period."
"Huh?"
Drop Training. Normally, it was the kind of thing you did maybe once in your entire time at the academy. You would descend to a planet on a motorcycle-like vehicle called a Drop Craft, camp out, and that was the end of the event.
Why was it treated so lightly? Because descending with nothing but your own body was a tactic that had long since become obsolete.
...I see. They were rethinking their strategies against the Zork.
After that, we headed to the space sector via a transport craft. The instructor barked at us.
"Board your Drop Crafts! Descend to Planet 19 immediately! The operation manuals have been distributed via augmented reality. Read through them!"
This was reckless. The Drop Craft was a two-wheeled vehicle designed for orbital entry. In short, a motorcycle. I understood the design philosophy... it prioritized looking cool. The developers knew exactly what the users wanted.
"Leo! I know you can do this!"
"Where is this sudden trust coming from?!"
"I know all about how you were arrested for driving a Drop Craft without a license back in the Junior Academy!"
What were you doing, Leo?! Are you an idiot?!
"Student Leo, heading out!"
"Good."
The transport craft's bay doors opened. I straddled the Drop Craft and activated the systems.
[Leo Kamishiro. Authenticated.]
Thump!
The Drop Craft launched with incredible momentum. I fired the thrusters to stabilize my posture.
[Entering planetary gravity well.]
The area outside the field generated by my Marine Corps Combat Suit began to glow white-hot. As we were caught by the gravity, the bike and I began to accelerate. My only equipment was a beam pistol. It seemed the rest of the weapons were at the military camp—the "schoolyard"—near the drop site.
They were all live-ammunition weapons. They were clearly preparing for a war of attrition against the Zork. Even the combat suits were bulkier than the cutting-edge models, likely reinforced with physical resistance.
In the blink of an eye, the sky came into view. The helmet dampened the atmospheric roar. My ears were safe this time.
"Leo! Do you hear me?!"
A transmission from Claire broke through the static.
"What’s wrong?"
"My thrusters! I think they’ve stopped!"
You’ve got to be kidding me! Looking at the radar, she was close. I swallowed hard. Even if I had the Jester class, scary things were still scary! But...
"I'm coming for you!"
I manually disengaged the safety belt and pulled the ejection lever. I vaulted off the bike. The combat suit's built-in thrusters flared, and a warning chime echoed inside my helmet.
[Warning: Extreme Danger.]
"Shut up!"
I flew—or rather, I fell—through the sky. Claire was right there. I maneuvered toward her bike. Even with posture control, it was terrifying. It was absolutely terrifying!
But I had to have guts here! I reached out and grabbed Claire’s bike.
"I can't get the safety belt off!"
Looking down, I saw the belt was hopelessly tangled around her. The system was throwing an error and wouldn't release manually. Damn it! The ejection lever was dead too.
I pulled out a knife and hacked through the belt. I grabbed Claire, pulled her against me, and threw the suit's thrusters to maximum output as we leaped away from the bike.
The truth was, I had zero experience performing a direct orbital drop in just a combat suit. But I had no other choice.
"Claire! Maximize your thruster output!"
"I'm already doing it!"
The suit rattled violently. Our descent speed finally began to slow, but the ground was rushing up to meet us. We were still way beyond the safety threshold for landing.
"Uooooooooh!"
[Danger! Danger! Danger!]
"Shut the hell uuuuuuuup!!"
Suddenly, a body of water caught my eye. A river? The sea? I steered toward it with everything I had.
"What are you doing?!"
"We’re hitting the water!"
"Is that actually safe?!"
"I don't know!"
"Wait, what—?!"
"Brace yourself!"
"Kyaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
Together, we plummeted toward the surface of the water.