The following day, I headed to school with my wife in an automated, unmanned vehicle.
The exterior looked considerably more rugged than the previous limousine. Even more confusingly, I had been dressed in the Imperial Officer Academy’s ceremonial dress uniform. My wife, meanwhile, had traded her incredibly erotic combat suit for a formal dress.
When our eyes met, she offered a thin smile.
"Ah, this vehicle? It is an armored transport. It possesses no armaments of its own, but we are being escorted by tanks from the Personal Guard at the front and rear. Rest easy; despite being the Emperor’s daughter, there are few who would dare target me. Though, I expect my groom to distinguish himself enough that people will start trying to kill him."
So those vehicles ahead and behind us weren't heavy machinery—they were literal tanks.
Regardless, "distinguishing myself enough to be targeted" was a goal I desperately wanted to avoid.
I arrived at the academy in a state of bizarre tension. When the car came to a halt, a group of older men in tuxedos appeared and rolled out a carpet. My wife stepped onto the red fabric with effortless grace. I followed, escorting her with a half-hearted clumsiness that felt like we were playing a very expensive game of make-believe.
"Can we please just take the train starting tomorrow?" I pleaded. I really wanted to be spared from being a public spectacle.
"Are you suggesting I order a private rail line? My groom certainly has a grand sense of scale."
"I’m really not asking for that much."
"It was a joke. Even for me, the carpet treatment is for today only. It is an unwritten rule—a matter of custom, as they say."
"I see."
So it wasn't an official ceremony, but it was being treated as one nonetheless.
The instructors arrived, lining up along the path to bow. My wife and I walked past them with practiced elegance.
"You understand, don't you, groom? To rise above the station of a mere consort, you must build the strongest army of your choosing. There will be plenty of opportunities to earn merit from here on out."
"Right. Goal: secure the wedding funds."
"You fool," she whispered.
Despite her words, her face flushed red with embarrassment. Suddenly, I felt a strange surge of motivation.
We were guided to the auditorium, where she delivered a speech. The video was broadcast live to every classroom.
"As a member of the Imperial family, I shall strive to serve as a model for all students."
As her speech concluded, the room thundered with applause. Once the ceremony wrapped up, I was immediately pulled aside by the instructors.
"You’ve certainly moved up in the world, you bastard!"
I was promptly caught in a headlock, followed by a vigorous, grinding noogie. It was the standard "athletic type" baptism.
"Instructor! Stop! Stop! More importantly, what happened to the crew of the Battleship Shiranami?"
That was the ship that had been guarding us. They were our practical instructors as well.
"Wiped out," he said, his tone turning somber. "The backups were lost, too. It seems the cloning process just before the mission failed. They managed to produce clones based on their data from before the assignment, though."
In this world—the world of this game—death was essentially permanent. While cloning allowed for a "resurrection" of sorts, the result wasn't truly the same person. The revival existed for the sake of society and those left behind, not for the individual who died.
What I hated most was that even in the game, resurrected characters had slightly different parameters. They weren't the original. Since this was basically a semi-online game, I really wished they’d stop harassing the players like this.
"That’s truly a shame," I muttered.
"It’s not for you to worry about. Be proud instead. You saved everyone."
"Even with my 'dark history'?"
The public broadcast of my fetishes had been suppressed, and the audio had been dubbed over with an AI-generated script. Still, the instructors must have heard the original live.
"Yeah. I’ll take that to my grave. Even accounting for... that, you did a hell of a job."
"Thanks!"
Once released by the instructor, I changed into my standard uniform and returned to the classroom. My wife was already there.
"Groom!"
She trotted over and threw her arms around me.
"Wait, what are you doing?"
This didn't seem like her character at all. I looked past her and saw Claire and a group of other girls staring at me. What just happened?
I looked down at my wife. she was wearing a distinctly wicked grin. Seriously, what did she do?
Claire approached first. "Leo. It’s been a while."
"Ah, yeah."
The atmosphere was inexplicably ominous. Just to be clear, Claire and I weren't dating, and I had never even triggered a romance flag with her.
As I tilted my head in confusion, Melissa—a boyish girl with a pixie cut—walked up. "Yo, Leo. You doing okay?"
"Yeah, I’m good."
"I see. That’s a relief. Anyway, I’ve got a question."
"Sure, ask away."
"Could you actually get turned on by me?"
I absolutely could. In fact, you’re a regular in my "nightlife" rotation.
"Don't ask it like that," I said aloud. "Melissa, you’re actually a hidden favorite among the guys—"
"Alright, I’ve heard enough! Your Highness! I’m joining your Personal Guard! Our deal stands. If Leo wants it, I don’t mind being his mistress!"
I whipped my head toward my wife. Her expression was delightfully twisted.
"Your Highness. Explain what the hell is going on. Now."
"Melissa Tachibana. She comes from a famous samurai lineage. She will be a vital asset for you, groom."
"Your Highness... what about, you know, jealousy?"
"As if I would feel such a thing. Oh, my friend... if it bothers you so much, then try to become a man capable of making me jealous!"
"I’ll do my best," I sighed.
"Hmph! If I truly felt jealous, I’d have smashed your skull in right then and there!"
"I will strive to be a true man worthy of having his skull smashed by you."
"A true man! I like the sound of that! As expected of my man."
"Hahaha... I'll give it my all..."
Then, Claire marched over.
"Hey, Claire..."
"What about our date? When are we going?"
Oh, right. I did remember making some lighthearted comment like that once.
"Ah, well, I’m actually a married ma—"
"That doesn't matter!" Claire snapped. She was actually angry. "Leo! You were forced into this marriage just to protect us, weren't you!?"
"I mean, it was an order from the Emperor, but..."
"That’s completely unjust!" she shouted.
My wife let out a soft, mocking chuckle. "Jealousy? How precious."
Claire’s face turned bright red, her expression a mix of embarrassment and pure rage.
Can I run away now?
The boys in the class had already retreated to a safe distance, whispering among themselves. Drop dead, all of you!
Claire took a deep breath, trying to steady her fury. It looked terrifying—like she was charging up for a powerful attack.
"...Fine. Put me in the Personal Guard too."
"I knew you would see reason," my wife said. "If you want Leo, then try to steal him from me. I look forward to the attempt."
That made two.
But it didn't stop there. Megumi Okita, Nina, Elena, and even Ren approached. There were even girls from other classes mixed in. Every single one of them was a lady whose name I had shouted during my public disgrace.
"Us too. We’re going to be Leo’s subordinates."
"Wait... guys. Don't be hasty."
"Leo, shut up!"
"Yes, ma'am!"
Terrifying.
The girls glared at my wife. "We don't like your methods. But Leo saved our lives. Put us in the Personal Guard. We’re going to settle the debt."
"Say it clearly then: 'That is my man.'"
"If I see an opening, I’m taking him."
"How entertaining. But be warned—I am the finest woman in the entire galaxy!"
I am the prize, apparently. These girls are scary. And my wife is frighteningly overconfident.
I averted my eyes in fear, only to see the boys in the back practically weeping tears of blood. Their faces were twisted into horrific, Beherit-like masks of envy.
"I hate him... I hate that damn handsome noble. Proletariat of all nations, rise up! Eradicate the filthy privileged class!"
Stop that! No joke, you’re going to get arrested for thought crimes!
My wife’s wicked grin returned. "Oh, that’s right. I nearly forgot. You boys over there... my Personal Guard is going to be very, very popular with the ladies."
"We students of the Officer Academy never abandon a comrade! Leo! Our hearts are with you!"
You ultimate pieces of trash! Next time, I’m abandoning you first! Die! Die without even leaving a clone!
And so, nearly the entire grade ended up choosing to become my subordinates.
I spent the rest of the break feeling deeply unsettled. Eventually, a boy from a different group—one of the more sensible ones—approached me.
"Hey, Leo."
He was a clean-cut, small-statured guy. I remembered him as a day student, the son of a Baron.
"Ah, hey... uh..."
"It's Kevin. Don't be too hard on those idiots. Unlike high-ranking nobles like you, the future is pretty bleak for us lower-tier aristocrats. We’re nobles, so we can’t exactly work in the private sector, but we have no real hope of rising through the military ranks either."
"That sounds rough..."
"But now, a rising star has appeared among our peers. Not just a hero, but the spouse of a Royal. We’ve decided to bet on you. You’re worth the gamble."
"I just got lucky, honestly."
"We don't even have that luck. You have monstrous courage and incredible fortune. The fact that Lady Veronica’s ship happened to be training nearby, and that it was equipped for ceremonial close-quarters combat... those were miracles brought about by your luck. Leo, I want to stake my life on you."
"O-oh. Okay."
"I’m counting on you. ...By the way, that quick decision to retreat? That was magnificent, Captain."
It seemed people expected a lot more from me than I realized—despite the fact that billions of people had seen me at my absolute worst.
Suddenly, a notification pinged in my augmented reality. I opened it to find the test results from the hospital.
ESP Type: [Jester].
"You’ve got to be kidding me..."
This was the absolute worst. It was the single weakest class in the entire game!