When I finally came to, I was in a hospital bed.
My pubic hair hadn't been shaved. What a pity.
The room was private. Looking at the high-end decor, the fees were already starting to terrify me. My family is a Marquis House, though, so it’ll probably be fine… I think.
The information terminal mounted in the room was broadcasting the first-ever encounter with the Zork on a massive scale. It was everywhere.
I’d intended to give a cool, stirring speech like Lord Ghi●n. Instead, I’d managed to broadcast my most degenerate fetishes to the entire galaxy.
Mine has been a life of many shames. Twitch, twitch!
Wait, I was getting a little excited just thinking about it.
Let me say it again!
The thought of tens of thousands—no, hundreds of millions of people looking down on me with cold, disgusted eyes is… exhilarating.
Actually, that was a lie! My mental state was in absolute tatters!
A group of male students had gathered in the hospital room. For some reason, they were all teary-eyed. A boy with glasses and a meticulously parted undercut stepped forward to the bed. I assumed he was a classmate, but since the original Leo was a loner with zero friends, I didn't recognize him at all.
Tearing up with over-the-top dramatic flair, the student spoke.
"Leo! I… I always thought you were just a super annoying noble brat! I used to wish you’d go die in agony!"
"You're being way too honest! Could you at least try to sugarcoat it a little?!" I snapped. I’ll kill you, you bastard.
"Listen to the end! I misunderstood you! You were… you were on our side after all. One of the 'have-nots'!"
"Is that an insult? Because I’ll take it as a compliment if the price is right."
"Shut up! You virgin!"
"Y-y-you guys are virgins too, aren't you?!"
I’d reacted in an exaggerated way without thinking. This was so pointless. Was this world populated entirely by idiots?
"Fine, whatever. I’ve confirmed that you’re a shitty virgin just like us. Rejoice. I’m hereby inviting you to our secret organization: the [Society of Virgin Gentlemen]."
"Why are you acting like that’s a position of prestige?"
Stop acting so high and mighty! I’m not joining a club like that. You morons!
Just as we were about to devolve into a full-blown argument, a group of brawny men in crisp military uniforms marched into the room.
"Her Imperial Highness, the 128th Imperial Princess, has arrived!"
The male students snapped into salutes and scrambled to clear a path. I tried to push myself up, but the most arrogant-looking older man in the group held me down. Judging by his uniform, he was a Colonel and the captain of the Imperial Guard.
"Student Leo. Stay exactly as you are."
"Ah, yes sir."
According to the absolute hierarchy of this world, my family’s peerage was high, but that didn't automatically grant me a high military rank. A Colonel in the Imperial Guard was someone far above the clouds. For a guy like Leo—even with a Marquis title boost—I’d probably hit my ceiling at Major. And that was only if I passed the bar exam and became a specialized military lawyer or prosecutor.
A judge was out of the question; you needed to be from a Duke’s house for that. There were enough Marquises in the galaxy to sweep them up like dust, after all. If I wanted to survive, I should probably aim for a technical officer role. No, being a lawyer was the safest bet. Military court cases were bound to skyrocket from here on out.
Since I’d somehow survived, I needed to start planning my future seriously.
While I was muttering my life plans under my breath, a high-pitched girl's voice rang out.
"Sir Hero. It seems you’re still among the living."
I recognized that voice. It was the same one I’d heard while I was drifting through the void of space. It was Imperial Princess Veronica.
A small girl entered the room, laughing with a distinct ka-ka-ka. She looked a little younger than my seventeen years. By Japanese standards, she looked like a middle schooler… or maybe an elementary schooler?
That said, she didn't just look like a girl; she looked like a total mesugaki. Her pink hair was tied into calculatedly cute twin-tails, and she wore a skin-tight suit typical of sci-fi settings, featuring a plunging opening from her chest down to her navel. It was… provocative.
"Yo! You feeling lively?"
I was feeling very lively all of a sudden!
Remembering that she was the one who saved me, I tried to stand again, but the Colonel’s hand remained firm on my shoulder.
"Stay down."
Damn, he was cool.
"The rest of you, get out," Veronica commanded. "I wish to speak with Leo alone."
With that, the Imperial Guards hauled the idiots—the male students—out of the room.
I realized I needed to thank her properly. This was definitely the time for that.
"Your Highness Veronica, thank you for saving my life. This life is now yours to—"
"I don't need it. Don't sweat it," she cut me off. "You gave me a good laugh, after all. Actually… I suppose I am taking your life. I’m sitting here."
Veronica plopped down onto the edge of my bed. Then, she reached out and grabbed me by the collar.
"Wait, what? Execution?" I stammered.
Was I being executed? After I finally managed to survive? Or was this just a royal shakedown?
"Leo, rejoice! It’s been decided. You’re going to be my husband!"
And there it was. The scenario had been utterly demolished. I didn't even know what to think anymore.
"Father decided it on a whim because he thought it was funny! Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka!" Veronica laughed haughtily.
I figured I should check her actual feelings on the matter, just to be safe. I didn't want a miserable home life where she’d hold this over my head for the next twenty years.
"Is Your Highness… okay with this?"
"My father, the Emperor, is absolute. My own will is irrelevant."
"But surely there’s someone you actually like, or…"
Maybe the protagonist had already appeared? I couldn't handle an NTR plot. Absolutely not.
"I have no man I like. I prefer brave men, and in that regard, you pass. Besides, this liberates me from the nuisance of Larval Fixation. I actually owe you a debt of gratitude."
"Larval Fixation?"
"Yes. By the Emperor’s decree, I was placed under Larval Fixation. My body was medically prevented from aging past childhood. I don't even have a woman’s monthly cycle. But that restriction is lifted upon marriage. Ka-ka-ka!"
"Um… why would His Majesty perform such a surgery?"
"You don't know? Father is a lolicon to his very core. My mothers were all kept under Larval Fixation as well."
"…I really wish I hadn't asked that."
The Emperor dies early in the game, so I never learned his full background. It was probably buried in some setting guidebook somewhere.
"In fact, several of my older sisters have already given birth to Father’s children."
"Pfft!" I nearly choked.
Please, stop with the incest talk! Seriously!
"Disgusting, right?" Veronica continued. "If my father weren't the Emperor of the Galactic Empire, I would have run away long ago. But you can't exactly run from the Emperor. I’ve only met him a few times, and the sisters and half-sisters who bore his children are strangers to me, so it doesn't feel entirely real."
"And… what about Your Highness?"
"My mother was the Emperor’s younger sister. Even he was too intimidated to lay a hand on me."
"Ah, this is the kind of information people get assassinated for knowing…"
"Oh, you catch on quick! Exactly! Now then… you’ve learned one of the Galactic Empire’s darkest secrets. If you don't marry me now, your life is forfeit! Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka!"
"That’s just blackmail! By the way, Your Highness… why me? There must be plenty of heroes to choose from."
The Empire was full of real heroes—men who hunted pirates or crushed independence movements. There were plenty of better pieces on the board.
"That’s just it! Your speech. When His Majesty saw it, he was delighted. He said, 'A youth who understands the elegance of the arts is a rare treasure indeed.'"
"It was because of that?!"
I’d been acknowledged as a kindred spirit by a total creep! That was legitimately gross! Is there no court where I can sue the Emperor?!
"The audio was scrubbed for the public broadcast, but we were given the uncensored version. I laughed so hard! I figured a man like you might actually find me attractive in an erotic sense. Outside of the 'loli' aspect, I mean. Death to all lolicons! Now, tell me what you think!"
She hated her father so much that her hatred for lolicons was palpable. And now, she was forcing me to name a charm point—specifically one that wasn't "loli." It was an impossible demand, being asked by the literal incarnation of the trope to find something else to like.
"Well… in every era and every land, they say that 'pitiful is cute.'"
"Ho… so you find me pitiful?"
"Objectively speaking, any girl who is viewed sexually by her own father has it worse than a normal family. Significantly. Furthermore, being married off to a stupid brat who’s only a hero in name is a tragedy in itself."
"I see. Continue."
"However, I find a certain beauty in the way you live so strongly without losing yourself, even in such a twisted environment."
"Beauty… is it? Interesting. It seems I won't have to kill you after all. Go on."
"The option of running away together isn't realistic. So, I would like to try and get along with Your Highness."
"Can you… embrace me?" she asked bluntly.
She really threw a fastball with that one. I didn't even know how to respond! I decided to be honest.
"I can. Is there a problem?"
Look, I’m a gentleman with an all-encompassing range of fetishes! There was no way I couldn't handle a girl wearing such an incredibly erotic outfit. Also, stop showing off your armpits. I might actually pounce!
"Are you a lolicon?"
"My strike zone includes more than just lolis, you know."
"Alright, I’ve decided! I won't execute you on the spot. We’re getting married!"
"I’m honored to have met your standards."
It was the Emperor’s decree. As a resident of this world, I had no right of refusal. I wasn't the protagonist. In that case, I might as well enjoy the ride.
"Oh, right. I’m actually the same age as you. I’ll be transferring into your school."
"I’ll look forward to it."
Now that I thought about it, she did transfer in during the main game’s story.
"Later!"
With that, Her Highness skipped out of the room. I expected my classmates to rush back in, but instead, the Imperial Guard returned. The head Colonel straightened his posture and stared me down.
"Lord Leo… let me tell you this while you’re still a student. Her Highness Veronica is near the bottom of the imperial succession. She wasn't even given a wet nurse. She was raised by us, the Imperial Guard."
That was some heavy backstory to drop so casually.
"…In other words, every man in this unit is like a father to her. Which means… if you ever make our daughter cry, I will kill you!"
S-scary! My "main body" and my golden balls shriveled up instantly.
"I’ve said my piece. Excuse us. Do not forget our words. Farewell."
He was terrifying. Then again, it wasn't like I was actually popular, and even if I were, this wasn't exactly a marriage based on love. It probably wouldn't be an issue.
The boys from my class flooded back in next. For some reason, their eyes were filled with pure, unadulterated rage. They were making faces like Behelits crying tears of blood.
"…You traitor."
"Don't get the wrong idea. There’s no way this is a romantic marriage."
"Shut up! Marrying a beautiful girl is a crime! You’re GUILTY! The death penalty! Death for the crime of being enviably fortunate! Die! You idiot! Moron! Waaaaaaah!"
Hurling insults like elementary schoolers, the boys stormed out. Wipe your tears, you losers.
And so, my marriage was decided at breakneck speed. But that brought up a new problem.
"What am I going to tell my family?"
The road ahead looked incredibly long and painful. I just hoped the incompetent fools at home didn't do anything stupid.
Editor's Note: I've written up to the point where the protagonist's specialized machine appears! It’s slated to show up in a few chapters.