[POV: Kaori Aiba (Naoki's Mother)]
As Naoki came down the stairs, a faint scent of hair product drifted from him.
His hair was styled with extra care, and he wore a button-up shirt that wouldn't put any strain on his right shoulder. By the time he reached the front entryway, he had already straightened his hem twice.
After finishing putting on his shoes, he pulled out his smartphone to check the time.
"Do you have everything?"
"Probably."
"Why 'probably'?"
"I've got my wallet and phone, and I packed my medicine, too."
Patting the outside of his bag as if double-checking the contents, Naoki placed a hand on the front door handle.
"Well, I'm off."
"All right. Take care."
Just as the door began to open, footsteps came hurrying down the stairs.
"Wait, Big Brother!"
Koharu dashed down the last few steps. Still in her loungewear, one side of her hair stuck out slightly with bedhead.
"Did I forget something?"
"No."
Reaching the entryway, Koharu looked Naoki up and down, checking his outfit. Then, without teasing him like she had the night before, she gave a gentle smile.
"Have a good time, Big Brother."
Naoki's eyes widened for a fraction of a second before his expression softened.
"Yeah. See you later."
With Koharu and me seeing him off, Naoki headed out.
As he walked toward the front gate, his strides were slightly longer than usual, even as he favored his right shoulder. Watching his retreating back fade into the morning light, I couldn't help but smile.
Meeting Serina-san in front of the station at ten in the morning.
The promise made amidst the blaze that had gone unfulfilled for so long—the two of them were finally going to keep it today.
Sharing crepes in a place free of smoke and fire.
To reach something as simple as that, it had taken them a very long time.
Even after Naoki disappeared beyond the gate, I lingered in the entryway for a while.
Before long, the sound of Koharu's bedroom door closing echoed from upstairs, and a calm quiet settled over the house once more. The breakfast dishes still sat on the table, and fine motes of dust drifted lazily through the sunlight streaming in through the window.
Returning to the dining table, I saw that only the chair Naoki had used was left pulled out slightly.
On the table lay the thermometer Koharu had handed me last night. Before turning it off, I had verified with my own eyes that it showed a normal body temperature. This morning, he had no fever, nor was he coughing. I had heard directly from Naoki himself that the pain in his right shoulder hadn't worsened.
There shouldn't have been any reason to worry.
Even so, whenever I heard the front door click shut, my chest would still tighten. Whenever I saw someone precious off, I couldn't help but imagine them coming home safely.
It had been that way ever since the day I lost my husband.
And even more so ever since that day when I feared Naoki might not come back either.
As I carried the dishes to the sink, a light blue notebook came to mind.
Koharu's notebook—the one Naoki hadn't been able to bring home.
That day, too, had started just like any ordinary Saturday morning.
◇◇◇
Summer sunlight streamed brightly through the kitchen window.
Naoki was sitting at the edge of the dining table, eating a slightly burnt fried egg. The yolk had been cooked too long, barely losing its shape even when poked with chopsticks.
I thought about offering to make him a new one, but Naoki ate it alongside his rice without seeming to care. He never threw away a mistake, always shouldering it himself—a habit that had never changed since he was small.
I peeled the shopping list off the refrigerator and laid it on the table.
"Two detergent refill pouches, please. And AA batteries."
"The twelve-pack is fine, right?"
"If it's cheap. If the detergent is too heavy, just one pouch will do."
"I can carry two."
Glancing at the note, Naoki typed the items into his smartphone.
Just then, Koharu walked into the kitchen with her phone in hand. She had plans to meet a friend that afternoon and was right in the middle of getting ready.
"Big Brother, can I ask you for something too?"
"Yeah, go ahead."
"A notebook. I need one with a blue cover."
"Just 'blue' doesn't tell me much."
"Then send me a picture once you're in the aisle, and I'll pick from there....Um, something like this."
Koharu showed him an image on her screen. Naoki leaned in, squinting to get a good look.
"...Just one, right?"
"Yeah. Normal ruled lines are fine."
"I don't know what 'normal' means, but I'll send a photo."
And with that, the conversation was over.
There was nothing out of the ordinary. A brother went to run errands; a sister asked him to pick up something extra. I would go to work, and the three of us would be back home by evening.
I was sure we would be gathered around the dining table that night, just like always.
Checking the wall clock, I realized it was almost time for me to leave.
"Koharu, text me if anything comes up."
"Okay, I know."
"Naoki, let me know if you're going to be late."
"Yeah."
Grabbing my bag, I headed to the front door.
While putting on my shoes, I could hear the two of them chatting from the kitchen. Koharu's explanation of whether she wanted a bright blue or a pale blue was vague, and Naoki had to ask her several times to clarify.
"I'm heading out!"
When I called out, their voices overlapped in unison: "Have a good day!"
I looked back just once.
From the kitchen doorway, I caught a glimpse of Naoki's profile. Carrying his empty plate to the sink, he was looking down at the screen Koharu was showing him.
It was an ordinary morning.
That was why I didn't think to take a closer, longer look at him.
◇◇◇
Even on weekends, the hospital rarely saw a quiet moment.
Voices calling out patients from reception. Footsteps echoing down the corridors. The rhythmic clatter of rolling wheels as hospital beds were moved. Mingled with the sharp scent of antiseptic, the faint aroma of broth drifted from carts delivering lunch.
Even past noon, the work never let up. By the time I could finally take a break, the sunlight outside had begun to slant.
Checking my smartphone, I saw a message from Koharu.
It was a forwarded photo that Naoki had sent from the stationery aisle. Shelves were lined with notebooks of various colors, and among them was one with a pale blue cover.
A moment later, Koharu called.
"Mom, did you tell Big Brother that the lighter blue one is fine?"
"Didn't you tell him yourself?"
"I did, but it hasn't marked as read yet. I was worried he might've already gone to the register."
"All right, I'll message him."
"Thanks! I'm heading over to Anna's place now."
"Be careful on your way."
Hanging up, I sent Naoki a text.
'Naoki, are you done shopping? Koharu wants to double-check the notebook color.'
I checked the screen once more before ending my break, but there was no reply.
The mall was always crowded on weekends. He was probably walking with his hands full of bags, or having lunch. There was no reason to think anything of a delayed response.
I slipped the phone back into my pocket.
Returning to my shift, I was instantly swallowed up by the tasks at hand.
Checking charts, making ward rounds, pausing every time someone called out to me. The phone in my lab coat pocket stayed silent, but without a spare second to check it, time slipped by as it always did.
The afternoon sun slowly traced its way across the white hallway.
Then, breaking through the calm rhythm of the day, the sound of a television drifted in, louder than usual.
Someone must have turned up the volume in the waiting room. Soon after, a wave of murmurs from the crowd watching the screen washed down the corridor.
"Apparently there's a fire at the mall nearby."
The passing staff member's words stopped me in my tracks.
For no apparent reason, a sudden knot tightened in my chest.
I hadn't even heard which mall it was. Yet a dreadful premonition flooded through me before anything else could.
Clenching my cold fingertips, I turned toward the waiting room.
In that instant, before I could even think, Naoki's face flashed in my mind.
Still, that didn't mean it was the mall Naoki had gone to.
Telling myself that, I hurried down the hallway. Dodging past colleagues felt agonizingly slow, making the short distance to the waiting room feel endless.
A crowd had already formed in front of the television.
I peered through a gap in the people. Voices around me were debating the source of the fire and the casualties, but they sounded muffled and far away.
A red banner scrolled across the bottom of the screen as the news anchor's voice announced an emergency bulletin. Even though the words entered my ears, my mind struggled to make sense of them.
Then, a name that could not be mistaken was read aloud.
It was the mall Naoki had gone to.
All feeling vanished from the soles of my feet, rooting me to the spot.
The next second, the screen cut to live footage from the scene.
Thick black smoke billowed from the upper windows, spreading heavy across the summer sky. Rows of fire trucks filled the parking lot, with firefighters in full gear sprinting between them.
Right then, the extension line to the emergency department rang.
The expression of the staff member answering it shifted instantly. It was the fire department. With multiple casualties reported at the scene, they needed to confirm how many patients our hospital could accommodate.
—Multiple casualties.
The moment those words echoed in my ears, the figures passing before me blurred.
Neither the number of victims nor the extent of their injuries was known yet. The emergency department scrambled to check open treatment rooms and available beds, and the staff's pace in the hallways quickened drastically.
Amid the mounting chaos, I alone stood stranded, detached from the frantic rush around me.
Naoki might already be outside. He might just be receiving first aid at an evacuation point, unable to check his phone in the confusion.
Yet without hearing his voice, nothing was certain.
An empty stretcher was wheeled toward the emergency bay. Listening to the hard wheels clattering against the floor, I couldn't tear my eyes away.
If he was brought here, I would be the first to find him. But he could be taken to a different hospital. Or worse, he might still be inside the mall.
The more I thought, the shallower my breath became, and my fingers dug tightly into the fabric over my chest.
I have to call him.
Yet despite the thought screaming in my head, I couldn't bring myself to reach down into the pocket just below my hand.
What if he doesn't answer? What if someone else picks up, and what would they tell me?
I had to know. And yet, I felt that the moment I found out, my everyday life would shatter, never to return. For this brief, fragile moment when nothing was confirmed, I could still cling to the hope that Naoki was safe.
My phone was right beneath my trembling hand. Even so, I stood frozen amid the rushing crowd.
"Aiba-san?"
A voice snapped me back, and I turned to see a coworker looking at me with deep concern.
"What's wrong? You're completely pale."
"My son..."
My throat closed up, choking the words.
"My son... is at that mall."
Her face went pale.
"Have you tried calling him?"
"...Not yet."
"Then call him right now. I'll take care of your work."
Nodding numbly, I pulled my phone from my pocket.
Naoki's name on the screen wavered alongside my shaking fingers. I couldn't bring myself to press down on the contact I had tapped countless times before.
Finally, I hit call and pressed the phone to my ear.
It rang.
Once.
Twice.
Three times.
He didn't pick up.
The moment the ringing stopped, my vision went dark, and I threw a hand against the wall to steady myself. In that darkness, the image of my husband's back as he walked out the door that fateful day flashed before my eyes.
He just didn't hear it over the noise. Telling myself that, I tried again, but Naoki still didn't answer.
I had to go to the mall immediately.
The instant the thought crossed my mind, my feet carried me toward the hospital exit.
Yet after barely taking a few steps, I froze. I wanted to run out this very second, but the urge to send him one more message wouldn't let me go. My mind was completely tangled over what to do first.
Before I knew it, my shaking fingers were opening our chat.
'Let me know if you're going to be late. No need to rush.'
In truth, I wanted an answer instantly.
I saw the news about the fire. Where are you? Are you outside yet?
There were a million things I wanted to write. But if Naoki was in the middle of evacuating, I didn't want him looking at his screen and slowing down for my sake. So, like a mother who knew nothing, I chose my ordinary, everyday words.
Dozens of seconds later, it was marked as read.
Holding my breath as I stared at the screen, a reply arrived shortly after.
'I'll be a little late.'
That was it.
The tension drained slightly from the hand bracing against the wall.
"He's alive..."
A ragged whisper spilled past my trembling breath.
At the very least, right now, he was in a state where he could type and send a text.
Relief nearly washed over me.
Yet a sharp, thorn-like unease remained lodged in my chest.
Naoki hadn't said he was safe. He hadn't mentioned the fire, nor had he said he was outside or on his way home.
Not coming home—just being a little late.
Whenever that boy tried to hide something, he never lied; he just left out the parts that mattered most.
'Are you outside already?'
I sent it.
No reply.
'I'm watching the news about the fire. Where are you right now?'
That message didn't even get marked as read.
I dialed his number again. The line rang, but Naoki didn't pick up.
My son, who had been right there on the other side of the screen just moments ago, felt like he had suddenly slipped out of reach into the dark.
I wanted to head straight to the mall.
Before that, though, I had to confirm where Koharu was. She had said she was meeting a friend in the afternoon, but was she already back home, or still out?
I selected Koharu's contact and pressed call.
Before the first ring could even finish, she answered.
"Mom?"
"Koharu, where are you right now?"
My voice came out sharper and louder than I intended.
"I'm already home. What's wrong?"
Hearing that, I could finally breathe, if only a little.
"Are you alone?"
"Yeah. Big Brother hasn't come back yet."
"I'm coming straight home. Until I get there, lock the front door and stay inside."
"What happened?"
"I'll explain when I get there."
"Is it about Big Brother?"
I couldn't answer immediately.
"We don't know anything yet. Just stay inside and wait for me, okay?"
After a brief pause, Koharu answered in a small voice.
"...Okay."
"I'll be right there."
Even after ending the call, my fingers refused to relax their grip on the phone.
I didn't know where Naoki was.
And Koharu was alone at home.
It should have been obvious where I needed to go first, yet it felt as though my body were being torn in two.
At that moment, Naoki had already escaped the flames once and made it out of the mall.
He had read my first message out there.
He had only inhaled a bit of smoke and had no major injuries. He had probably known that if he told me, I would drop my work and come running.
And so, after leaving that short reply to my second message, Naoki had turned around and stepped back into the smoke.
Knowing none of this, I reported the situation to the shift supervisor.
The supervisor quickly checked the floor staffing, arranged for backup from another department to cover the emergency bay, and had a colleague take over my assigned patients.
"Injured people are going to be brought here, too, though..."
"I know. That's why I've already called for backup. We'll handle your shift, so go to your son right now."
I bowed deeply and rushed to take off my lab coat.
◇◇◇
When I arrived home, Koharu was waiting by the entryway.
The living room television was off. Having just gotten back from her friend's house, she had probably been up in her room. She didn't seem to know about the fire yet.
"Mom, did something happen?"
Before I could even kick off my shoes, Koharu peered anxiously into my face.
"There's a fire at the mall Naoki went to."
Koharu gasped.
"He texted me once after it started, though. He said, 'I'll be a little late.'"
"Then is he okay?"
"I haven't been able to reach him since. Turn on the TV."
Koharu darted into the living room and switched it on.
The screen showed the mall with thick, black smoke pouring from its upper levels.
Clutching the remote control, Koharu stood frozen in front of the screen. Her shoulders were rigid, and though her lips parted several times, no sound came out.
Finally, a faint, raspy voice broke through.
"This is... where Big Brother went, right?"
"Yes."
With trembling hands, Koharu dialed Naoki's number.
The ringing went on and on.
Naoki didn't answer.
"Big Brother... isn't picking up."
I pulled the car keys from my bag. What I would do once I got there, or whether they would even let me past the barricades—none of that crossed my mind.
All I knew was that I had to be where Naoki was.
"I'm going to the mall."
"I'm coming too."
"No, Koharu."
The refusal came out almost automatically.
"Why?! Big Brother might be there!"
There was no way I could bring Koharu to an active fire. But at the same time, I couldn't bear to leave my terrified daughter alone in an empty house.
Car keys clutched in my fist, I was paralyzed, unable to head for the door or step back toward Koharu.
Just then, a broadcast on the TV urged civilian vehicles to stay away, warning that surrounding roads were being reserved as emergency routes for fire engines and ambulances.
I needed to reach Naoki right now.
Yet taking my car might block the emergency vehicles rushing to save people.
Torn between both imperatives, I called the police station.
My son might be inside the mall. He sent a single reply after the fire started, but I haven't been able to reach him since. I want to go there right now.
Without caring that my words were tumbling out in a disorganized mess, I pleaded into the phone.
They asked for his name, age, mobile number, and clothing.
I desperately tried to recall what Naoki had been wearing that morning. A white shirt. The trousers were a dark color, but whether they were black or navy, I couldn't be sure.
I should have looked closer.
Before walking out the door, I should have looked at his face just one more time.
"If I go to the scene, will I not be allowed in?"
"Currently, the perimeter is restricted. Even family members cannot approach the mall. Please do not come to the scene, as civilian cars will obstruct emergency operations."
"My son might be inside!"
No matter how hard I pleaded, the answer didn't change.
"Then where am I supposed to go?"
Before I realized it, I was cutting the officer off.
"Am I just supposed to sit at home and wait? When I don't even know where my son is?!"
After a brief pause, the officer told me that a temporary evacuation area had been set up away from the restricted zone. However, not all evacuees had been accounted for, and going there wouldn't guarantee any information on Naoki.
Even so, I asked for the location.
I wrote down the address, repeating it over and over.
"Please do not enter the roads surrounding the scene. If you encounter police officers directing traffic, you must follow their instructions."
"I understand."
Ending the call, I tightened my grip on the keys.
"Mom, where are we going?"
"To the place where they're gathering evacuees."
"Could Big Brother be there?"
"I don't know."
I couldn't feed her a vague hope as if it were a certainty.
"But it's better than sitting here... We might find something out."
"I'm coming with you."
Koharu's face was completely pale. But telling her to stay home wouldn't work in this state. Above all, I couldn't leave her by herself.
"All right. Put your shoes on, quickly."
"Okay."
Without even taking the time to charge my phone, I tossed a power bank and my wallet into my bag. Food, spare clothes—none of it even crossed my mind.
Right before stepping outside, I noticed Naoki's shoes were missing from the entryway.
He had worn them out this morning, so of course they weren't there. Yet the sight of that empty space made my heart plunge into a bottomless pit.
I reached out and flicked on the entryway light.
It wasn't dark outside yet. There was no practical reason to leave a light burning.
Even so, picturing Naoki coming home to a dark, cold entryway, I couldn't bring myself to leave it off.
"Let's go."
Taking Koharu's hand, I walked out the door.
◇◇◇
Even before we reached the main road, the wail of sirens overlapped in the distance.
Turning at the intersection, a column of black smoke loomed beyond the buildings.
It was entirely different from seeing it on television. Fanned by the wind, the smoke smothered a massive swath of the sky; even before the mall itself was in sight, the sheer scale of the disaster was terrifyingly clear.
An ambulance rushed toward us from the opposite lane. I pulled the car over to the shoulder and waited for the flashing red lights to scream past.
Koharu tracked the vehicle with wide eyes as it sped by.
"Big Brother isn't in that, right...?"
"I don't know."
Even as I answered, my eyes were glued to the rearview mirror.
I had no idea where that ambulance had come from. It wasn't even certain it was carrying injured from the mall.
Even so, I couldn't stop myself from watching it until it disappeared.
The car radio continued to broadcast updates on the mall fire. Traffic restrictions had gone into effect around the area, repeatedly urging civilian cars to take detours.
Police cars blocked off intersections that were normally open, barricading the roads.
Following the officers' directions, we turned into a massive queue of redirected vehicles.
Even when the traffic lights changed, the line barely crawled forward.
"Mom, I'm going to try calling again."
"Go ahead."
Koharu dialed Naoki's number.
A faint ringtone leaked from the phone's speaker.
Naoki didn't answer.
Even after the call ended, Koharu kept the phone pressed against her ear.
"Is it because I asked for that notebook?"
"No, of course not."
"But he only went to that aisle to buy it for me. If I hadn't asked, he might've come home earlier."
"It's not your fault, Koharu."
Koharu stared down at the photo of the stationery aisle Naoki had sent.
"Big Brother... he didn't get trapped trying to escape, did he?"
I wanted to deny it instantly.
Yet I had no idea what was happening inside that building right now.
Staring straight ahead at the line of cars, I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned white.
"Naoki texted us after the fire started, remember?"
"Yeah..."
"So don't blame yourself right now."
"...But he's still not home."
Koharu's voice cracked.
"Tomorrow would've been fine. Why did I have to ask him today...?"
With the car stopped at a red light, I reached out and took her freezing, trembling fingers in mine.
"Koharu, let's just focus on finding him. Mom is right here with you."
Biting her lip, Koharu gave a small nod.
◇◇◇
After taking a massive detour around the restricted zone, we finally arrived at the temporary evacuation shelter just as the sky began to take on the hues of dusk.
The parking lot was overflowing with cars, and a massive crowd had gathered near the entrance. People with blankets draped over their shoulders. People slumped on the ground in soot-stained clothes. Parents clutching crying children while desperately dialing their phones over and over.
I parked the car and killed the engine.
"Koharu, stay right next to me. Do not wander off, no matter what."
"Okay."
Waiting for her answer, I stepped out of the car. We ran toward the entrance, weaving through the frantic flow of people.
"Big Brother!"
Koharu shouted.
Dozens of heads turned toward us.
Yet Naoki wasn't among them.
Every time a young man in a white shirt entered my field of vision, my heart leaped into my throat. Only to rush over and realize it wasn't him. Over and over again.
We headed toward the makeshift reception desks, giving Naoki's name, age, and clothing. The staff member flipped through several rosters, but his name was nowhere to be found.
"We haven't finished accounting for everyone yet."
"Which hospitals were the injured sent to?"
"They've been distributed among several facilities. We haven't received all their information here yet, either."
"My son might be one of them!"
"As soon as identities are confirmed, families will be notified. Please keep your phone accessible and wait."
Once again, I was told to wait.
Whether at home or here, waiting was all I was allowed to do.
Still, there were evacuees from the mall all around us.
I checked their faces one by one. Koharu searched through the crowd as well, calling his name.
"Koharu, don't wander off!"
"But Big Brother might be here!"
"I know! Mom is looking too!"
Beyond the sea of people, I spotted a boy of about Naoki's height.
A white shirt.
Black hair.
"Naoki!"
Shouting his name, I pulled Koharu by the hand and ran, dodging past people.
The boy turned around.
It was a face I had never seen before.
"...I'm sorry."
My apology was so raspy I could barely hear it myself.
Squeezing Koharu's hand, I immediately turned back to scour the crowd.
Even a single second spent standing still felt like a waste.
I saw a staff member carry a fresh roster over to the desk. Pulling Koharu along, I hurried back toward the counter.
Halfway there, the phone in my hand buzzed violently.
My feet stopped dead.
Please let it be Naoki. Desperately praying not to see any other name, I looked down at the screen.
Displayed there was the name of a nearby general hospital—one I had communicated with through work.
The hospital's name on the glowing screen instantly drained all the warmth from my body.