[Koharu Aiba POV]
Four days had passed since my brother returned to school.
On the first day, Mom had made a point of telling me that I didn't need to make breakfast every morning. Even so, on days when Mom had the early shift, I would set my alarm earlier than usual, and before I knew it, I was standing in the kitchen.
It wasn't as if I was doing everything by myself—prepping dinner, bringing in the laundry, or washing the dishes.
Some days Mom would take over after getting home from work, and other days I would consult with my brother and assign him only the tasks he could manage without using his right arm.
So, I never felt like I was breaking my promise.
Each chore took very little time on its own. Waking up thirty minutes earlier simply meant sitting down at my desk a bit later after getting home. And even if finishing my leftover homework pushed my bedtime back by an hour or two, I could still wake up to my alarm in the morning.
I was only sleepy until classes started.
My lack of appetite was just because of the heat.
Even the way my vision went dark whenever I stood up went away immediately, so there was no need to worry.
Looking at it that way, none of it seemed like a good enough reason to take a break.
"Koharu, the eggs."
Hearing his voice behind me, I hurriedly looked back down at the frying pan.
The slight browning that had only touched the edges had spread across the entire surface while I was lost in thought. Rushing to turn off the heat, I transferred the fried eggs to a plate as a slightly burnt aroma drifted through the kitchen.
"They're still edible."
"I didn't ask if they were edible. You've been staring at the same spot for a while now, so I was wondering what was wrong."
My brother, already changed into his uniform, took the barley tea out of the refrigerator.
He opened the door and lifted the pitcher using only his left hand. While his movements were smoother than on his first day back at school, the protective dressings covering his burn wounds were still beneath his long sleeves. Even when pouring the tea into a glass, he kept his right arm pinned to his side, barely moving it.
"I was just lost in thought. I'm not sleepy."
"What time did you go to bed last night?"
"Around the usual time."
"That's not an answer. You didn't give me a time."
Taking a sip of the barley tea, my brother looked at me searchingly. Feeling as though he were counting the dark circles under my eyes, I picked up the plate and practically fled toward the dining table.
"You were up late last night too, weren't you, Onii-chan? The light in your room was on."
"I was just making a little progress on the assignments I missed while I was out. I took a nap after getting home, and I made a rule to stop if it starts hurting."
"I'm fine too, because I got plenty of sleep."
"How many hours?"
"Breakfast is going to get cold."
Naturally, he could tell I was dodging the question.
Though my brother furrowed his brow, the time for Mom to leave for work was drawing near, so instead of pressing further, he took a seat at the table.
Just as I finished setting out breakfast for the three of us, Mom closed the lid of her bento box and looked over at me.
"Sit down too, Koharu. I'll take care of the rest."
"I'm already done."
"That's why I'm telling you to eat. You left half your bread yesterday, too."
"I tasted things while cooking, so I'm just not very hungry."
"Did you taste so much that you don't need breakfast?"
"Just the edges of the tamagoyaki and stuff."
It wasn't a lie. Before plating it, I had popped the two trimmed ends into my mouth to shape the rolled omelet.
Even so, I knew full well that couldn't possibly be enough. More than hungry, I was exhausted, and the mere thought of chewing food first thing in the morning felt like a chore.
"Here, eat this."
Sitting across from me, my brother took an untouched piece of toast from his plate and tore it in half. Unable to break it cleanly using only his left hand, he placed the slightly lopsided half onto my plate.
"That's your portion, Onii-chan."
"I have rice too. Koharu, at least eat that before you go."
"I'm not a child. I can decide how much I eat on my own."
"If deciding on your own results in just the edges of an omelet, I can't leave it up to you today."
Keeping his tone gentle, my brother reached for his own food. With Mom also silently watching me, I gave up and brought the toast to my mouth.
I took a bite and washed it down with milk.
I had thought eating might remind me of my hunger, but the dry bread caught in my throat, and finishing even that half took effort.
"Are you sure you aren't feeling sick?"
"I just don't have an appetite right after waking up. I'll eat properly at lunch."
"If you start feeling sick, don't push through it."
"I know."
"Go to the nurse's office. Tell Sawamura, too."
"Right back at you."
"At least I told you when I was in pain, didn't I?"
Rendered speechless by his retort, I fell silent.
Ever since his first day back at school, my brother had stopped hiding the state of his injury as much. When it hurt, he said so; he left the treatment to Mom, and he no longer forced himself to take on things he couldn't do.
Since I had been the one happy about that change, it was hypocritical of me to keep insisting that I was fine.
"If I really feel sick, I'll tell someone."
"I don't mean waiting until after you get sick. You seem a bit off right now."
"I'm just sleepy, I tell you. I'll wake up by the time I get to school."
When I answered in my usual voice, my brother looked unconvinced, but he didn't push any further.
I genuinely believed I would be fine once I got to school, too.
In fact, by the time first period began, the heaviness from the morning had faded a bit.
I could follow the teacher's explanations, and I answered the questions when called on. My handwriting tilted across the notebook a few times, and I ended up writing the same line twice, but it was nothing an eraser couldn't fix.
Even when lunch break arrived and I opened my bento box, I didn't think I'd be unable to eat.
"Koharu, is that all you've had?"
Opening a bag of pastries at the desk across from me, Anna peeked into my bento box.
The rice and side dishes I had packed this morning were only about a third gone. I thought I had been moving my chopsticks, but only a tiny space had been cleared.
"I had a late breakfast."
"We took the usual train, didn't we?"
"Everyone has days where they just aren't hungry."
As I went to close the lid, Anna's hand hovered over it.
Instead of pressing down directly, she paused halfway and peered into my face with concern.
"Your complexion looks bad, too. Let's go to the nurse's office, okay?"
"It's really not that bad. I'm just a little sleepy."
"You looked like you were about to fall asleep in class yesterday, too."
"I wasn't asleep."
"You weren't asleep, but you spent ten minutes copying the exact same line."
Startled that she had noticed, my reply was delayed. Anna wasn't blaming me; instead, she quietly studied my expression as if trying to gauge what I was hiding.
"Is it because you've been doing chores at home lately?"
"Onii-chan still can't move his right arm much, and Mom has work, so I'm just helping out a little."
"How much is 'a little'?"
"Making meals, doing laundry... It's not everything every day."
"And you have homework on top of that, right?"
"Everyone has that."
"Everyone isn't waking up early to make bentos for their whole family, too."
Anna's voice grew slightly firmer.
Noticing a nearby student glance our way, she immediately lowered her voice.
"I know you're worried about your brother, Koharu. But if you collapse, won't that just make him push himself even harder?"
That single line struck straight to the depths of my chest.
My brother would rush to help someone even if it meant forgetting his own injuries. If anything happened to me, he would surely come running no matter how much his burns ached.
That was precisely why I couldn't afford to collapse.
"I'm not going to collapse."
I answered as if trying to convince myself.
"Really?"
"I'm just a little sleep-deprived. I'll go to bed early tonight."
"I can't trust your 'okay's and 'I'm fine's right now."
"Don't sound like my brother."
"That's because both of you are doing the exact same thing!"
Sighing in exasperation, Anna set a small jelly drink she had bought from the school store onto my desk.
"If you can't eat your bento, at least drink this."
"Isn't that yours, Anna?"
"I bought two, so it's fine. Also, text me tonight before you go to sleep."
"You really don't have to go that far."
"Then send me a message saying 'I'm going to sleep now' on your own. If midnight comes and I haven't heard from you, I'm calling."
Even in the way she wouldn't back down once she made up her mind, she felt similar to my brother.
Thanking her, I took the pouch and sipped it little by little. As the cold sweetness slid down my throat, the thin fog that had hung over my head since morning cleared slightly.
Just that made me feel like my body had returned to normal, reassuring me that it really was nothing serious after all.
After school, Anna and I walked part of the way home together, and I arrived at the house.
Opening the front door, the sound of clinking dishes reached me from the kitchen.
"I'm home."
"Welcome back."
The one who replied was my brother.
Stepping into the living room, I found him standing in front of the sink, already changed from his uniform into loungewear. Supporting a plate with his left hand and merely resting his right hand against the rim, he was washing the breakfast dishes.
Several were already lined up in the drying rack, leaving only the last plate.
"What are you doing?"
"Washing the dishes, obviously."
"I told you I'd do it when I got home."
"You did, but I got back earlier today, and I can handle this much."
"What if you get your right arm wet?"
"My sleeves aren't rolled up, so the water won't reach the wounds."
"If you drop a plate, you'll instinctively try to grab it with your right hand!"
"If you're going to take it that far, I won't be able to do anything."
My brother answered with a troubled look, but a faint trace of irritation was mixed into his voice.
Ever since returning home, he might have felt as though even the things he could do were being stripped away from him.
I understood that. Even so, I couldn't just stand by silently and watch someone who had been receiving wound care until yesterday handle breakable dishes with one hand.
"I'm not saying you shouldn't do anything at all. I'm saying don't do dangerous things until your injuries heal!"
"Doing dishes isn't dangerous."
"You always put yourself last, Onii-chan! Even during the fire, you did the same thing!"
The moment the words left my mouth, my brother froze.
Only the sound of running water from the faucet echoed through the suddenly expansive kitchen.
I didn't know the full details of what happened when my brother went back into the fire. I had only heard from Mom that it was to save someone who had failed to escape; I had never been told who that person was or what the situation had been like.
Even so, the simple fact that my brother, having made it outside once, had knowingly gone back into danger had remained lodged in my chest ever since.
"Koharu."
"I'm sorry. But... I'm scared."
My voice trembled to a degree that surprised even myself.
"Because if you think you're fine, Onii-chan, you really will do anything. Even right now, you're thinking that just a little is harmless, aren't you? What if all those 'little things' pile up and your injuries get worse again?"
My brother turned off the water.
Wiping his wet left hand with a dishcloth, he set the half-washed plate down in the sink.
"I was in the wrong too. I should have waited until you got home, Koharu."
I hadn't wanted him to apologize. Nor did I want to forbid him from doing anything at all.
Feeling as though my words sounded like I was trying to strip away his everyday life, an ache tightened in my chest.
"No, I'm the one who's sorry. I went too far."
"No. I know you're worried about me."
My brother started to reach a hand toward my head. The moment his right arm moved, his expression stiffened, and he quickly switched to his left hand. The palm that touched my hair was still slightly damp.
"Still, you don't need to take on all the household chores by yourself, Koharu. I don't want you exhausting yourself for my sake."
"I'm not doing all of it."
"You make breakfast, go to school, help with laundry and dinner after getting home, and do your homework at night, right? That's more than enough."
"Mom was doing that the entire time."
"Mom wasn't doing everything alone either. I helped out, and you did what you could too, Koharu."
"I'm just covering for the parts you can't do right now, Onii-chan."
"There are more things I can't do, but that doesn't mean I can't do anything at all. There are things I can manage if I take my time. I won't do anything dangerous, so let me handle a little."
A look of fatigue was visible on my brother's face as he chose his words carefully.
Every day since returning to school, he had been juggling both his current classes and the backlog of missed assignments, receiving treatment for his wounds once he got home. The person I thought I needed to protect was also trying to support the family in his own way.
"...Okay."
This time, I nodded obediently.
"I'll finish the dishes today, but let's decide together starting tomorrow. I'll ask you to do the things you can handle."
"Yeah. That works."
"But you absolutely can't do anything when it hurts, okay?"
"I know."
"I still can't trust your 'I know' either."
"You're the last person I want to hear that from."
We both shared a faint smile.
With the tense atmosphere easing, I reached for the plate left in the sink.
That night, I truly intended to go to bed early.
Just as I had agreed with my brother, the two of us split the post-dinner cleanup, and we folded the laundry together once Mom got home. I returned to my room nearly an hour earlier than the night before.
After sending Anna a text saying, "Going to sleep now," I checked tomorrow's timetable just to be sure.
That was when I realized I had only finished half of my English assignment. There was also a section I needed to memorize for the quiz at the end of the week.
If it's just thirty minutes from now, I can still sleep earlier than usual.
Thinking that, I opened my textbook.
An hour slipped by while looking up problems I didn't understand and rewriting my notes. When Anna's reply of "Good night" came through, I flipped my phone face down and pretended I hadn't seen it.
In the end, it was roughly the same time as usual when I finally got into bed.
For the next few days, similar things continued both at home and at school.
I tried not to shoulder the housework alone. Even so, if Mom came home late, I couldn't just leave the dishes sitting in the sink or the laundry hanging outside uncollected. And even with tasks we had agreed to leave to my brother, seeing him favor his right shoulder made me want to take over halfway through.
At school, the moments where my consciousness drifted during class gradually increased.
I thought I was copying down the writing from the blackboard, only to realize the teacher's explanation had already moved far ahead. Just climbing the stairs left me out of breath, and the edges of my vision went dark every time I stood up from my chair.
Whenever that happened, pausing for a moment made it go away immediately.
I didn't have a fever. The headache wasn't unbearable. While the amount of food I ate had decreased, it wasn't as though I wasn't eating at all.
I wasn't sick; I was just tired.
If I can just make it through the weekend, I'll sleep all at once.
On the morning of the day I was thinking that, I didn't hear the sound of my alarm clock.
"Koharu, wake up. You're going to be late."
Startled awake by my brother's voice from the other side of the door, I looked at the clock. It was already the time I would normally be finishing my preparations to leave the house.
"I just woke up!"
"Mom made breakfast. Get dressed and come down."
In a panic, I threw on my uniform and fixed my hair.
When I hurried downstairs, Mom had already left for work, leaving breakfast for two on the dining table.
"There's no time to sit down and eat, is there?"
"You can just take the next train."
"I might be late if I do that."
"Going without eating anything is worse."
"I'll buy something at school. Go ahead and eat without me, Onii-chan."
The moment I lifted my bag, the floor tilted faintly beneath me.
As I braced a hand against a nearby chair, my brother shot to his feet immediately, his chair scraping loudly against the floor.
"Koharu?"
"I just moved too fast and got dizzy."
Keeping my head down, I steadied my breathing.
The darkened vision cleared back to normal in a matter of seconds. When I looked up, nothing was swaying anymore.
"Stay home and rest today."
"You're exaggerating. It's already gone."
"You couldn't wake up this morning either, could you? And now you're having dizzy spells."
"I can't take the day off just because I overslept once. I have things to hand in today, too."
"You can ask Sawamura to hand them in. I'll contact Mom, too."
My brother went to reach for his phone.
Before he could, I slipped a single slice of bread from the table into a plastic bag.
"I'll eat this on the way to the station. If I feel weird at school again, I'll go straight to the nurse's office."
"Koharu."
"You went back to school right after being discharged from the hospital too, didn't you? I don't want to take time off just because I'm a little tired either."
The moment I said it, I realized I was using his exact same logic.
My brother seemed to realize it as well. Swallowing the words he had been about to say, he looked at me with a stern expression.
A silence far too heavy for the morning settled between us.
Eventually, my brother opened my school bag, pulled out several textbooks, and transferred them to his own. Since that meant he would be carrying the weight of two bags with just his left hand, I tried to stop him, but he spoke before I could.
"We're going home together today."
"Didn't you say you had to speak with a teacher after school?"
"I'll text you when I'm done. Wait in your classroom until then."
"I can go home with Anna."
"Even if Sawamura is with you, I'm coming to get you. I can't let just the two of you walk home when you've been like this since morning."
"But coming all the way to the first-year classrooms means extra walking. Your right shoulder will hurt, won't it?"
On his first day back, he had come to my classroom because he wanted to see for himself that I had made it through the school day.
Yet, by the time we passed through the school gates, sweat had formed on his forehead, and once home, he had collapsed into a deep sleep on the sofa.
I couldn't bear the thought of making him walk that same distance again.
"I don't use my right arm to walk."
"You're going to try to carry my bag, aren't you?"
"I won't."
"I don't trust you."
Returning the exact words he had spoken to me earlier, my brother knitted his brows in distress.
"Anyway, I'm coming to pick you up as soon as I'm done talking with the teacher. If you feel sick, contact me right then."
"Then you can't come get me if your shoulder hurts even a little bit either, Onii-chan."
"I know. And if you feel even slightly unwell, Koharu, go to the nurse's office."
"Only if something feels truly wrong."
"I already think something is wrong right now, though."
My brother was not convinced.
Even so, once he confirmed that I could stand firmly on my own feet, he didn't stop me from leaving the house.
I couldn't finish the bread I had brought before reaching the station.
Every bite made me feel nauseous, forcing me to put more than half of it back in the bag. I thought I had stowed it away in my bag without my brother noticing, but the profile of his face beside me clouded slightly.
At school, my head felt heavy from first period onward.
My appetite didn't return by lunchtime, and no matter how many times Anna urged me, I left more than half my bento uneaten. She told me to go to the nurse's office, but I felt that if I lay down, I would fall fast asleep right there and end up unable to go home.
"Just until after school."
I gave Anna the same reply for what felt like the countless time.
"If it's just a little longer, I'll be fine."
Anna remained unconvinced.
Even so, when she tried to take over my cleaning duties as well, I promised I would speak up if it became truly impossible, managing to finish my portion somehow.
Immediately after homeroom ended, the phone inside my desk vibrated.
Finished talking with the teacher. Heading to Class 1-3 now.
It was from my brother.
It seemed he really intended to keep our morning promise.
Even though his injuries hadn't healed yet, he planned to come all the way from the second-year classrooms to pick me up, and then walk to the station afterward. From our exchange this morning, I knew he wouldn't back down easily just because I refused.
"Your brother?"
Packing up her things beside me, Anna called out as she saw me staring at my phone.
"Yeah. He finished talking with the teacher and said he's coming to pick me up."
"Then let's wait here."
"But I'm on duty today, so I have to return the class log to the staff room."
I glanced down at the log sitting on the desk.
I should have handed it to our homeroom teacher right after homeroom ended, but because I had put off inserting the notice slips, it was still in my hands.
"I'll go return it. You stay seated, Koharu."
"I can't make you do my class duty tasks too, Anna. I'll go with you."
"Then let's wait for your brother to get here and go as the three of us."
"That would just make him walk even more, wouldn't it?"
"Koharu, since this morning, all you've been thinking about is keeping your brother from walking."
"His injuries haven't healed yet."
"You're not feeling well either, Koharu!"
As I fell silent, unable to find a reply, a classmate near the classroom entrance called out to me.
"Aiba, someone's here for you."
I turned around.
Beyond the open door stood my brother.
Still wearing his long-sleeved uniform, he held his bag in his left hand, his right arm hanging at his side. Just like on his first day back, he stopped at the entrance, searching for us without stepping carelessly into the room.
His expression softened slightly when our eyes met, his gaze immediately settling on my face.
"Sorry to keep you waiting."
"You didn't keep me waiting long."
As I replied and tried to stand up, my brother's brow furrowed.
"Don't you look paler than you did this morning?"
"I'm just a little sleepy."
"Did you eat lunch?"
"I did."
"She left more than half of it," Anna answered honestly from the side.
"Anna!"
"You shouldn't hide it, Koharu."
Anna held her ground while looking at me.
Letting out a short breath, my brother turned his eyes toward the log on the desk.
"Can you go home once you return that?"
"Yeah. I just have to drop it off at the staff room."
"Then I'll return it. Wait here, Koharu."
"No. You've already done enough coming all the way here to pick me up. I can walk too."
"It's not about whether you can walk or not; I'm telling you to rest."
Listening to our exchange from the side, Anna looked back and forth between my brother and me.
"I'll carry Koharu's bag and the log, and walk with her to the staff room. If she looks even a little unwell, I'll take her straight to the nurse's office."
"I feel bad asking you to do so much, Sawamura."
"I was planning to do it even without being asked. I can't leave Koharu alone today."
There was a firmness in Anna's voice that differed from her usual cheerfulness.
My brother checked my complexion, then looked at Anna.
"You're sure you don't have any dizziness or nausea right now?"
"None. If anything feels even slightly off, I'll tell Anna right away."
"Sawamura, if Koharu looks even the slightest bit strange, take her to the nurse's office."
"Yes. Leave it to me."
"Thank you."
Even so, my brother showed no sign of leaving the classroom.
"I'll wait here."
"Wait by the school gates. Having to walk back here from the staff room would be even farther."
"But—"
"Anna is with me, and if anything feels off, I'll go to the nurse's office. We can walk home together from the gates anyway, can't we?"
My brother didn't answer immediately, turning his gaze toward Anna.
"I'll stay right beside her."
Hearing that reply, he finally let out a small breath.
"...All right. There's no need to rush, so take it slow."
"Okay."
Checking my complexion one last time, my brother turned toward the exit.
Just before stepping into the hallway, he looked back, and our eyes met.
When he raised his left hand slightly, I gave a small wave back from my chest.
Waiting until he was out of sight, Anna murmured in admiration.
"He really is worried about you."
"He worries too much."
"Seeing how you look today, I think his reaction is completely normal."
"Are you taking his side too, Anna?"
"I am today. Or rather, I'm listening to your brother so that I can be on your side, Koharu."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means making sure you get to the school gates safely."
Without waiting for a reply, Anna reached for my bag resting beside the desk.
"I'll carry your bag."
"I can at least carry that much myself."
"Carrying both the log and your bag is out of the question."
"Then will you carry the log?"
"You don't need to carry anything, Koharu."
"If you do all that, it'll make me look even more like a sick person."
"You are sick."
Saying so, Anna slung my bag over her shoulder. When she tried to take the class log as well, I pulled it tight against my chest before she could.
"At least let me hold the log."
"If it gets too heavy, will you hand it over immediately?"
"I will."
"That's a promise, okay?"
"I know."
Standing up from the chair, I checked my physical condition.
No dizziness. The floor wasn't swaying. While my legs felt a bit weak, it seemed manageable as long as I walked slowly.
My brother was waiting by the school gates.
Anna was right beside me.
I wouldn't be alone anymore; all I had to do was return the log to the staff room and head to the gates together.
"Shall we go?"
"No rushing, okay?"
"Yeah."
"If you walk too fast, I'm stopping you right away."
"I'm fine just walking normally, really."
"I don't trust that 'fine' either."
Rather than stepping half a pace ahead, Anna lined up right next to me. Knowing she was in a position to support me at any moment made walking slightly easier, even while thinking she was worrying too much.
Leaving the classroom, the sounds of students heading to their club activities echoed through the after-school building.
To avoid the flow of people, the two of us moved to the edge of the stairs.
"Use the handrail."
"I don't need to go that far, I'm fine."
"If you don't use it, I'm grabbing your arm."
"All right, all right. I'll use it."
Gripping the handrail with my left hand, I descended one step at a time.
Anna didn't rush me, matching her pace to mine. We weren't hurrying. I wasn't alone. I had promised both my brother and Anna that I wouldn't push myself.
When we reached the landing between the second and first floors, my field of vision suddenly narrowed.
The evening light that should have been streaming through the window receded into the distance, and even the sensation of gripping the handrail faded away.
The floor vanished from beneath the soles of my feet.
The class log I had been holding slipped from my arms.
"Koharu?"
I heard Anna's voice.
I tried to answer, but no sound came from my throat.
The log struck the floor, and the notice slips tucked inside scattered around my feet. Only that dry sound echoed from terribly far away.
"Koharu!"
Before my body could pitch forward, Anna's arms wrapped around my back.
I knew she was trying to support me. Even so, my legs had no strength left, and my body sank downward, dragging Anna with me.
Dropping to her knees while holding me, Anna slipped one hand behind my head to keep it from hitting the floor.
"Koharu, can you hear me? Open your eyes!"
She was calling right next to me, yet her voice sounded so distant.
I couldn't even tell whether my eyes were open or closed. When I tried to draw a breath, my chest barely moved; my body refused to obey a single command.
"Someone... Somebody, please help!"
Anna's desperate cry echoed down the stairwell.
My brother was waiting by the school gates.
Thinking I had to contact him, I tried to reach for my uniform pocket. Yet my arm wouldn't budge in the slightest, and I couldn't even tell where my fingertips were.
"Koharu! Please, answer me!"
Anna's voice was shaking.
I hadn't wanted to make them worry.
I hadn't wanted to make my brother or Anna push themselves any further.
That was why I kept insisting I was fine, yet in the end, I had caused the greatest worry of all.
Leaving just a little bit of breakfast.
Going to sleep just a little later.
Taking just one step down the stairs.
I had thought so many times that if it was just a little more, I would be fine.
How many of those "little things" had piled up? In the darkness closing over my vision, I could no longer count.