Friday arrived.
Amanatsu had messaged me again, seeming desperate enough to come out here despite the typhoon. But with train operations scheduled to shut down, that was physically impossible, so I didn't need to worry.
Outside, the wind was picking up. As time went on, the trees visible through the window leaned further and further. The typhoon was forecast to make direct landfall around evening.
Toshiie-san had graciously agreed to let us stay. I was grateful he had accepted without prying into our circumstances. Normally, anyone would be worried enough to ask all sorts of questions. That was just how off Sakura had been acting.
Ever since our conversation yesterday, she had gone noticeably quiet. There was only one reason. She was trying to back out of her promise to give up cleanly and return to school after dating for one week. She probably hadn't intended to lie from the start. It was just that spending a few days with me hadn't helped her move on—it had only made her feelings even more tangled and complicated.
"No way! I want to go eat hamburg steak with Fujimaru!"
It happened while Sakura and I were eating lunch in the living room of Toshiie-san's house, having nothing else to do in our rooms. Shizuka-chan's whining voice echoed through the house.
"I told you, not today. The weather's bad."
"We promised! No fair!"
Apparently, Shizuka-chan had been promised a trip to a dog-friendly restaurant a week ago. Now that it was postponed because of the storm, she was throwing a tantrum.
"Then I at least want to play outside with Fujimaru! School got canceled and everything!"
"School was canceled precisely because it's dangerous outside. Listen to what you're told. If the weather is nice on Sunday, I'll take you."
"Mmph!"
Families with small children really have their hands full. Kids get swept up in their emotions, lose control, and drag everyone around them into the mess. I had assumed that once they reached high school age, they would settle down and grow into low-maintenance kids... but right as that thought crossed my mind, Sakura's gloomy, clouded eyes caught my attention.
...Well, there are exceptions everywhere. Then again, looking back, Amanatsu and Shinonome—not to mention Katsurama and the girls who talked behind Shinonome's back—had all let their emotions run wild and done stupid things, too. Reflecting on that, maybe acting out to varying degrees was actually normal. If so... was I the strange one?
No, that couldn't be right. Why should I lower my standards to match people who screwed up and then moped around?
◇
The incident happened late in the afternoon. I was in Sakura's room playing cards with her when Toshiie-san barged in, his voice panicked.
"Sakura! Subaru! Have you seen Shizuka?!"
Sakura and I exchanged glances. It seemed she had no idea either.
"We haven't. Did something happen?"
"She's been gone for a while. The second I took my eyes off her, she vanished..."
Shizuka-chan's words from earlier flashed through my mind, bringing a sinking feeling with them. Don't tell me she went outside to play all by herself...?
"I'll help look for her."
"Thanks, I appreciate it!"
"I-I'll help too!"
I glanced at Sakura as she stood up alongside me. I hesitated to bring along someone who was so emotionally unstable. However, seeing her somber expression shift to sheer determination in an instant, I gave a firm nod.
I searched the entire house, shouting Shizuka-chan's name at the top of my lungs. There was a chance she was hiding somewhere. Yet, she was nowhere to be found. She really had gone outside.
The wind out there was beginning to turn violent. Dark clouds hung low in the sky. A light drizzle had started falling.
"Shizuka-chaaan!"
Clad in rain gear, I combed the neighborhood alongside Sakura and Toshiie-san. This was hardly the weather for an elementary schooler to be innocently running around in. Even if she had gone out as a prank, she should have come back right away. Why hadn't she? Could she have gotten into an accident...?
My pace quickened on its own, and my voice grew louder. What little composure remained on Toshiie-san's face vanished, replaced by raw desperation.
"Shizuka!"
Just then. On a road near the beach, we spotted a small, sobbing figure from behind. Toshiie-san shouted and sprinted forward at full speed.
"Daddy..."
Toshiie-san swept the child into his arms and lifted her up.
"I was so worried about you!"
"Waaahhh!"
It was Shizuka-chan. She seemed unhurt. Thank goodness... As I breathed a sigh of relief, Sakura let out an exhale of relief beside me as well. Toshiie-san spoke in a gentle, caring voice.
"Why did you go outside?"
"Ugh, I'm sorry. I just wanted to play for a little bit, and then, and then..."
"It's okay now. Let's go home."
Toshiie-san rubbed Shizuka-chan's back as she struggled to speak through her choked sobs. The suffocating tension finally began to ease.
"Phew, that was terrifying. Thank goodness... thank goodness."
Sakura muttered, her shoulders slumping. However, I couldn't shake a nagging sense of unease.
Why had Shizuka-chan been standing frozen in a place like this? She was an active kid. She was curious enough to drop by whenever she was bored, even while Blue Note was open, and she always preferred playing outside to staying indoors. In other words, the area around the house was practically her own backyard. If that was the case, I couldn't imagine her getting lost. Why hadn't she just run back home?
And then, remembering how thoroughly we had searched the house before heading out... a chill ran down my spine. I looked at Shizuka-chan, who was still cradled in Toshiie-san's arms.
"Shizuka-chan... where's Fujimaru-kun?"
Tears spilled over her cheeks, and she barely parted her lips.
"We were on a walk... and he ran away..."
◇
The wind and rain only grew fiercer. After taking Shizuka-chan home, we resumed the search for Fujimaru-kun. However, as the sun set and night fell, the search had to be called off. Toshiie-san decided that staying out any longer posed too high a risk of someone else getting hurt.
"Sakura, Subaru, thank you both. Let's rest for now. We'll search again once it gets light out."
"Okay."
"..."
Sakura nodded silently with her head down. A heavy gloom settled over Blue Note. I wanted to run right back outside myself. But if I did, I would only cause more trouble for everyone else. For now, all I could do was pray for Fujimaru-kun's safety.
"I'm sorry. It's all my fault..."
Shizuka-chan was crushed. She was still just a child. I only hoped this guilt wouldn't leave a lasting scar on her heart...
Since we were chilled to the bone from the rain, we took turns showering. By the time everyone had washed off, it was dinner time. I was in no mood to eat, but it was better to put at least a little food in my stomach. With that in mind, I sat down at the table.
"Has Sakura not come down yet?"
Toshiie-san asked. It was rare for her to be late for a meal. My messages went unread, and she still didn't show after we waited for several minutes.
That familiar, headache-inducing dread began crawling through my mind. A desperate hope that she wouldn't do something so reckless clashed with the memory of how, during the mess with Amanatsu and Shinonome, she had charged ahead without thinking and dragged everyone into her chaos.
I headed straight for Sakura's room. Opening the door, I found her phone abandoned on the desk in an empty room.
"...That idiot."
Right. This was just who Sakura Hiiragi was.
◇
I ran. I sprinted through the pitch-black night. My heart pounded violently, and my breath burned in my throat. The raging gale made it hard to even keep my eyes open. The shrill howl of the wind battered my ears. Even in full rain gear, I was soaked through in seconds. The rain was freezing cold, yet inside the rain gear, the trapped sweat made it sweltering.
Aside from my mounting panic, a strange part of me remained completely detached. It was as though I had been split in two, with one half looking down on the scene with cold objectivity...
With a level head, I thought it through. Why did she always have to do this? Everyone wanted to save Fujimaru-kun just as much as she did. She had to know how much trouble it would cause everyone else if she went running off alone. Or maybe she truly hadn't thought about it at all.
Come to think of it, she was the exact same way that day she was attacked by the Chihuahua. I remembered that day clearly. I had been keeping my childhood friend company on our bikes, waiting at a red light. Then, I heard a voice behind me.
"Aw, little Chihuahua, it's dangerous to be all alone out here."
"Grrrr!"
Looking back, I saw a girl walking toward a snarling Chihuahua. Anyone could see the dog was terrified and aggressive. Yet that girl reached out her hand without an ounce of caution, speaking in a gentle voice.
"It'd be awful if you got hit by a car, wouldn't it?"
"Bark!"
It was a close call. I threw myself between them, took a bite to the butt, and managed to secure the Chihuahua. Fortunately, the owner who was out searching for it ran over immediately, and I was able to hand it back. Still, my childhood friend and that girl sobbed hysterically the entire time until the ambulance took me away.
Now, it was just a distant memory. And it made me want to click my tongue. What was all that nonsense about looking up to me and wanting to help people? Back then, if I hadn't stepped in, she would have been the one mauled. In other words, long before she ever started looking up to anyone, Sakura Hiiragi had always been that kind of girl. A naturally good-hearted person, but an idiot whose brain completely short-circuited when it came to considering the fallout for the people around her. She had been so fixated on saving the Chihuahua that the thought of getting bitten herself never even crossed her mind.
"She really is a handful."
This time was no different. Running out into a storm like this without a word—who was in the most danger now? Who was the one who destroyed herself trying to play wingman for Amanatsu? She kept screwing up out of pure goodwill and moping every single time. There was no helping her.
"At this rate, I'll never find her."
Searching aimlessly would only drain my energy. I needed to narrow down the likely spots. Fujimaru-kun was a puppy, not even a year old. Even if he had bolted, he wouldn't have made it far in this weather. Sakura had to know that too.
So, I focused my search on places close to Blue Note that offered shelter from the wind and rain. The wind was blowing hard enough that even I had trouble walking in a straight line, so Sakura had likely taken cover somewhere as well.
After running around for nearly half an hour, I finally spotted them. There sat Sakura in the tunnel beneath a playground slide, clutching Fujimaru-kun in her arms.
"You really are something..."
"Hatsukade? H-How did you find me?"
"Because I was looking for you, obviously. I see you found Fujimaru-kun."
"Y-Yeah."
"I'm glad you're both safe."
My legs were practically giving out. I crawled into the tunnel and sat down beside her. Fujimaru-kun seemed worn out as well; after giving my hand a few tired licks, he curled up quietly in Sakura's arms.
"You could have at least taken your phone."
"...Sorry. I just couldn't sit there doing nothing. Before I knew it, I was already out the door."
I figured as much.
"Are you hurt?"
"Both Fujimaru and I are fine."
"...I see. Look, I have a lot to say, but good job."
"When I saw the look on Shizuka-chan's face, I just knew I had to save him, no matter what."
"Yeah."
I immediately sent a message to Toshiie-san. He would probably be here with the car soon. Sakura stole an awkward glance at my face.
"I caused trouble again, didn't I? I'm sorry."
"It's fine. From the moment I decided to stay with you, I already factored this kind of thing in."
"T-That kind of makes me feel worse, honestly..."
I looked back into her eyes. She had been so full of life just days ago, but now that light was gone.
"Do you still refuse to go back to school?"
"...Yeah."
"Even if I beg you? If I tell you I don't want to be in a classroom without you?"
"Ugh... that's not fair. But what's impossible is impossible. I'll just fall for you even harder. And that wouldn't be fair to Nakina after I promised to support her. Even when you weren't around, Hatsukade, I went out of my way to listen to all her relationship worries. I just can't do it."
Here we go again. We always ended up slamming into this wall.
"Even if I completely reject Amanatsu?"
"That feels like it wouldn't change anything..."
"Then what if I dated Amanatsu?"
"Huh...? That would just hurt in a different way."
What was the right answer here? How were we supposed to untangle this mess? It felt like we were running in circles, trapped in the exact same spot.
And then, an unsettling thought surfaced in my mind.
"Can you even picture me dating someone?"
"...Now that you mention it. You have plenty of moments that make a girl's heart race, but I can't really picture you actually falling in love with someone, Hatsukade."
"Right? I think so too."
"Wait, why are you asking that?"
"Because this is an important point."
I looked straight into her eyes.
"What would you do if I said I liked you, Sakura?"
"...Huh?!"
"What if I said I loved you so much I couldn't stand it, and that I wanted to date you no matter what?"
"W-What is this all of a sudden?!"
Blushing bright red, Sakura squirmed, shrinking into herself. Fujimaru-kun looked up at her from her lap, tilting his head curiously.
"Just answer me."
"I-I mean... I'd probably say yes."
"What about Amanatsu?"
"If you went that far to tell me that, Hatsukade... I wouldn't be able to turn you down."
"Then let's take the opposite. What if I said I loved Amanatsu? Not just 'what if we went out' like before, but that I loved her so much I couldn't think of anything else, to the point where I wanted to hold hands walking to and from school every single day."
"I can't picture that either... but I'd want to die."
Sakura hung her head dejectedly, but then looked up and added:
"Though, if it was that clear-cut, there'd be nothing I could do. I could probably convince myself that no matter how hard I tried, I never stood a chance anyway."
"I see."
I leaned my head back against the concrete. The damp, clammy air of the tunnel clung to my skin. Even in this situation, a part of my brain remained completely detached.
It was the same way I looked at my classmates at school. People I had no real interest in. Immature, not worth getting involved with, living in a completely different world from mine. At some point, keeping a barrier between myself and everyone else had become second nature. That was probably why I could stay so calm right now.
My desire for Sakura to return to school was genuine. I felt responsible because I thought she was throwing her future away because of me. Yet when it came to romance, I truly hadn't cared. Because I had never viewed myself as an actual participant.
It was the exact same detachment I had toward my classmates. Because I closed myself off from the start, none of it ever reached my heart. Because I didn't care, I had been able to deflect Amanatsu's feelings without taking them seriously. But if I had confronted her with genuine emotion and turned her down properly, wouldn't she have acted differently?
The same went for Sakura. The reason she, someone normally so positive, had completely given up wasn't just to protect her friendship—wasn't it also because I had never given her even the slightest hint of hope?
I had spent all this time agonizing over how to fix Sakura's problem. Wondering where things had gone wrong. But that was backward. That wasn't it at all.
Wasn't the real problem me, brushing aside the feelings of people who reached out to me? If leaving everything hanging in limbo was what caused this entire mess...
—The one in the wrong was me.
"Sakura, I'm sorry."
"Why are you apologizing?"
"Over the past few days, I've acted like your boyfriend, but the truth is, I didn't even try to fall in love with you."
"Wasn't that just because you were going along with my selfish request? It's not your fault."
"No, it is. Accepting that kind of deal when I had zero intention of ever falling for anyone was completely dishonest. If I hadn't closed myself off like that, maybe there would have been a moment where I fell for you."
"...No, but..."
"I think I've just been running away from falling in love for a long time."
The same applied to Amanatsu. If I hadn't stubbornly shut out the idea of romance, there was a chance I could have developed feelings for her through everything we'd been through.
"To be honest, the way you act without thinking drives me crazy. But the fact that you've held onto these feelings for me for so long... it honestly makes me happy."
"Wait, what?!"
"I also think it's adorable how hard you worked on your cooking, and how much effort you put into social media just so you could find me again."
"Ugh..."
"I don't dislike you, Sakura."
"..."
"Look at me."
As Sakura tried to turn away, I gave her my completely honest feelings.
"Here's my compromise."
"...What?"
"Back when I asked what you'd do if Amanatsu and Shinonome liked the same guy, you said you'd support both of them, right? You said that even if it's messy, mutual love isn't the only kind of romance."
"Y-Yeah."
"Then include yourself in that equation. Support Amanatsu's feelings, but be honest with your own, too..."
I swallowed hard. The sound was lost beneath the howl of the storm outside.
"I won't say I'll never fall in love in high school anymore. If I end up liking someone, I'll face it head-on. And if that person turns out to be you, Sakura, I'll be the one to confess."
"...H-Hatsukade..."
"I gave ground. Now it's your turn. This is the biggest concession I can make."
Without looking away from her wide eyes for a single second, I continued.
"Still, falling in love isn't going to be easy for me. So... let's see each other at school every day, and..."
The gloom vanished from her eyes,
"Make me fall for you, Sakura."
Leaving them sparkling with light.