Monday had rolled around again.
When I grabbed my indoor shoes from the locker, they felt impossibly heavy.
Walking down the long hallway with my head hung low, a cold, unpleasant sweat prickled across my skin.
Even after stepping into the classroom, not a single person spoke to me.
As I sat there, absently propping my chin in my hand, a plain-looking girl sneered in my direction.
(...Hah, what a nasty personality. Is watching me fall from grace really that thrilling?)
And yet, I understood how those girls felt all too well.
To begin with, I belonged on their side.
I knew full well that I was nowhere near being a real extrovert.
My self-esteem was in the gutter.
I hated being short, and I wasn't naturally cute like Sakura or Nakina.
To tell the truth, I hated that I came from the middle of nowhere and would slip into a country bumpkin dialect the moment I let my guard down.
My parents ran a ramen shop—so totally mundane it was pathetic.
Because of all that, I could read the minds of those girls like an open book.
They were over the moon.
Some girl who got pampered for acting cute and let it go to her head had finally been dragged down where she belonged. Serves her right, they were thinking. The bottom of the barrel is the only place a scheming bitch like that belongs.
It pissed you off, didn't it? When people were cuter than you.
I get it. I really do.
Because I felt the exact same way.
Don't get me wrong, though. All I ever did was carve out a spot where I looked cute and play the part.
"Mornin', everyone! Masanori, Rina, good morning!"
Bursting with her usual morning cheer, Sakura strode into the classroom, waving to anyone and everyone. The second she spotted me, she threw her arms around me.
"Mornin', Shii-chan! You're tiny and adorable today, too!"
"A-Ahaha, good morning, Sakura."
Yeah, yeah, sorry for being small.
Just look at her. That kind of airhead was what a real extrovert looked like.
Even though everyone else treated me like a biohazard, she didn't care in the slightest and still acted like my best friend.
"Hehehe, I'm so hyped for the trek! Nakina and Shii-chan are in my group, too—could this lineup get any better?"
"Totally..."
As if. Just how brainless could one girl be?
Still, if it weren't for her, I would've dropped out of this hellhole of a classroom ages ago.
Back when high school started, Sakura was the very first person I approached.
The reason was obvious: hanging around her made people assume I was one of the popular girls, too.
That had been my survival strategy ever since I was a kid.
Slather on as much shiny gold plating as humanly possible and slip into the skin of a bright, cheerful girl.
"Morning, Sakura."
"Ooh, Nakina, mornin'! Your makeup looks so cute today!"
"Y-Yeah, thanks. But I'm nowhere near as pretty as you, Sakura. Shii-chan, good morning to—"
"Morning."
Nakina gave a timid little wave.
I knew I was in the wrong for what I did to her. Even so, deep down, I couldn't help finding her deeply irritating.
She was gorgeous, so her whole self-deprecating "someone like me" routine really rubbed me the wrong way.
It made all the desperate faking I had to do feel completely worthless—like I was lower than trash.
Why couldn't she just carry herself with some pride?
She had to be an introvert, just like me.
Fufufu. I might not look it, but I had plenty of confidence in my people-watching skills.
Her relentless self-loathing almost triggered a sense of shared disgust.
As I chimed in on their conversation, Katsurama wandered over.
"Hey there, Shii-chan."
I nearly clicked my tongue right in his face.
Whoops. Close one.
"What is it, Katsurama-kun? I'm kind of in the middle of talking to Sakura and the others."
"Hehe, well, you know how that live ELLIT concert video dropped yesterday? I figured you'd have watched it."
"Ahhh~ Yeah, totally saw it!"
Which was an outright lie.
The only reason I claimed to love that girl group with their phony smiles was a cheap trick to seem cute by putting it on my socials. Truthfully, I couldn't care less about them.
"That opening dance routine gave me chills, honestly."
Look, I knew it was my fault for stringing him along, but did he seriously think it was a good time to make a move on a girl who had just gotten dumped by Masanori-kun in the most humiliating way possible?
Having lost all standing in class, I couldn't outright shut Katsurama down.
If I did, people would just laugh and say I was getting full of myself again.
How great would it be if this were Masanori-kun talking to me instead?
My reason for liking him was the exact same as with Sakura.
Plant myself next to the most popular guy, and if by some miracle we ended up dating, it would be a jackpot. That was the idea, anyway...
Letting Katsurama's rambling go in one ear and out the other, I stole a peek at Masanori-kun.
He was still dazzling, as always.
I disgusted myself, but just from him showing me a shred of kindness, I had fallen for him hard.
So hard that I lost sight of everything else around me.
It was almost comical.
Sneering at everyone in my head while agonizing over a stupid, cliché crush like some hopeless schoolgirl.
It was my first crush, and the first time I'd ever lost my head over someone.
That was why I panicked when I heard he liked Nakina, driving me to orchestrate that whole fake confession mess.
As I stared blankly in his direction, my eyes locked with Hatsukade's as he entered the room.
Noticing that I had been drooling over Masanori-kun, the corner of Hatsukade's mouth curled into a mocking smirk.
(Why, you little...!)
“Hey, Shinonome, that’s reckless,” his infuriating voice echoed in my head.
(Damn it, damn it, damn it! What is his deal?!)
Even with all my keen observation skills, Hatsukade remained a complete enigma.
A textbook loner.
He had no friends, and during breaks, he either buried his nose in a book or vanished entirely.
When the final bell rang, he walked straight home without exchanging a word with anyone. Total introvert.
...Wait, was he actually an introvert, though?
Somehow, that didn't feel quite right either.
No real introvert would carry themselves with that kind of brazen confidence.
What was he, some kind of class mastermind pulling strings from the shadows?
Suddenly, the words he said when I walked him to the station rushed back to me.
"I'm not hitting on you. But I am encouraging you."
How could he say something like that with a straight face?!
Unbelievable. Absolutely unbelievable! Not that I found him even the tiniest bit cool, of course!
Besides, he was the guy who pushed me straight into the abyss of the social ladder in the first place.
I hated his guts.
I knew I brought it on myself, but for whatever reason, he was the one person I refused to admit that to.
The morning bell rang, and Katsurama finally walked away.
The next second, Sakura poked me in the back with her ballpoint pen.
"Shii-chan, let's go buy trekking gear together after school! I have discount coupons!"
"..."
I wasn't in the mood at all.
Right now, curled up with a book at home sounded a million times better than dealing with classmates.
Still, running away felt like admitting defeat.
More than anything, I didn't want to turn down an invitation from Sakura, who still cared enough to include a mess like me.
"Sure, sounds fun!"
Being able to lie so effortlessly made me hate myself just a little bit more.
◇
After school, I found myself on the train with Sakura and Nakina on our way to buy trekking supplies, but...
(Why the hell is Hatsukade with usssss?!)
Catching my sour expression, he let out a scoff through his nose.
Seriously, how many times was he going to smirk at me like that?!
A dark flame flared to life deep in my chest.
Gritting my teeth, I forced my facial muscles into something resembling a smile.
"H-Hatsukade, what brings you on the same train?"
"Because Hiiragi invited me, obviously. Did that really need explaining?"
"Guh."
I only asked because you didn't seem like the type to accept an invite like this!
Ugh, this was terrible. Being around Hatsukade completely threw me off balance.
Someone save me.
"Must be rough for you, though, Shinonome."
"W-What is...?"
"You're clearly not the outdoorsy type. You're always the first one gasping for air and collapsing during gym class."
"Excuse me?!"
Then, that irritating guy turned the conversation straight toward Sakura.
"You agree, right, Hiiragi? At this rate, she'll probably drop halfway through, and one of us will have to carry her."
"Totally! Shii-chan has zero athletic ability. Whenever we play basketball, she always travels, guaranteed."
"Maybe we should just give her a basketball during the hike, then. She'd walk forever."
Hatsukade's unnecessarily elaborate sarcasm made my blood boil like an instant kettle.
"Sakura, whose side are you on?! You're underestimating me way too much!"
"Aw, it's just a joke! No need to get so mad."
Rubbing his chin, Hatsukade tilted his head thoughtfully.
"It'd be nice if it stayed a joke. But we have Amanatsu in our group, too."
"M-Me?!"
"We need to be mentally prepared to carry two people if worst comes to worst."
"N-No way, I'm not that bad! I mean, Shii-chan can't even skip, you know?!"
I shook my fist at Nakina.
"Hey, Nakina! We had a pact never to bring that up!"
"Ah, sorry! But being lumped in with you was just a little too humiliating..."
"Ghh, you jerk!"
I wanted to scream and tear my hair out.
Glancing up at Hatsukade, I saw the right side of his mouth twist into an amused grin.
Did this guy tag along just to torment me...?
(Unforgivable!)
While I was hurling curses at him in my head, Sakura suddenly burst out laughing.
"Ahaha!"
"...W-What?"
"Nothing, it's just... I haven't seen Shii-chan this lively in ages."
"Huh?!"
Come to think of it, she was right.
Bickering openly with Nakina and Sakura like this felt so natural that it was almost nostalgic.
After that, we kept trading playful jabs until the train pulled into our stop in no time at all.
◇
How long had it been since time flew by this quickly?
The sky had turned pitch-black.
Stepping onto the train ride home, I held a paper bag containing my new trekking clothes.
After that, the four of us had browsed through the shops.
Once Hatsukade bought what he needed, he completely ignored the mood and left early.
In the end, it was mostly just us girls hanging out.
Nakina, who had seemed strangely quiet and subdued the whole time, got off first since her station was closer.
Now, only Sakura and I were left.
"..."
There was no way.
There was simply no way, but the question was gnawing at me so badly that I had to ask.
"Hey, why did you invite Hatsukade today?"
"Huh? I had coupons, so I just thought the more, the merrier."
"Still, I didn't think he was the type to actually say yes..."
"Mm, yeah. It's hard to tell what Hatsukade is thinking. I mean, when I first asked him, he shot me down in literally one second."
"Then why...?"
"On Saturday, he suddenly told Nakina that he'd come after all. Oh, that's right! Hatsukade was actually the one who told me to invite you, Shii-chan."
"...No way."
Sakura furrowed her brow and leaned in to whisper softly.
"He really does have a twisted personality, though. I totally thought he wanted to make up with you, but he just teased you the whole time and barely said a word after. And can you believe it? The second he used the coupon, he basically said he didn't need us anymore and went home. I want a refund on the warm feelings I had thinking he was finally opening up to me."
Puffing out her cheeks in annoyance, Sakura complained, but as the train pulled into her stop and the doors hissed open, she instantly flashed a bright smile and waved.
"Oops, this is my stop! See you tomorrow, Shii-chan!"
"Yeah."
Left all on my own, I sank into an empty seat.
"...What is his deal?"
Even if you did that... don't think I'm ever going to apologize to you...