"Can you still not establish contact with the advance unit?!"
Special Forces Division Commander Major General Dilemma shouted in irritation.
"No good, sir! Still completely out of communication!"
The frantic reply came back from his aide.
A thick mist shrouded the area, making it difficult to even check their surroundings. This unit was the Evil Army Special Forces, comprised of the finest elites within the entire Evil Army. Naturally, none of them were the sort of fools who would slack off on a mission to fool around. If that was the case, there was only one possible answer.
"I have a bad feeling about this. We're pulling out of here immediately."
Dilemma gave the order to his aide, but...
"..."
The aide stood motionless, not offering so much as a reply.
"Hey! Did you hear me?!"
Enraged, Dilemma seized the aide by his right shoulder, and the man spun around to face him. Both of the aide's eyes were rolling wildly in frantic, erratic zigzags, and a shrill, cackling laughter burst from his lips.
"What—?!"
Dilemma leaped back, snatched up the spear leaning nearby, and took a combat stance.
The surface of the aide's skin bubbled and boiled, undergoing a grotesque transmutation. In an instant, he morphed into a creature resembling a stuffed teddy bear. Then, standing tall and straight, the bizarrely fancy faux teddy bear snapped a salute.
"Salute our Lady Athena!"
Bringing what looked like a right hand to its forehead, the creature raised its voice in a shout.
"It's an enemy attack! All hands, battle stations!"
Dilemma hastily barked orders to the men around him, but the elite guards assigned to protect him had also turned into stuffed animals before he even realized it. They were all saluting a girl with blue hair tied in double buns, who had just emerged from between the massive trees.
Before Dilemma's stunned mind could even begin to process the sheer absurdity of the situation...
"Do away with that one, if you please."
The girl with the blue hair buns made a throat-slitting gesture with her thumb.
"Sir!"
Offering their crispest salutes, the stuffed toys lunged at Dilemma all at once.
"Don't screw with me! I am a Major General of the Evil Army!"
Aiming straight for the crown of an incoming teddy bear's head, he thrust forward with his blazing spear.
The stuffed creature twisted its body to dodge the strike, instantly closing the distance. Having completely devoured the gap between them, the teddy bear cocked its right elbow right in front of Dilemma's face.
"Kuh!"
Dilemma barely managed to evade it with a sideways leap, but the teddy bear spun several times through the air and unleashed a spinning back kick that sank deep into his gut. A tremendous shock tore through his abdomen, sending him flying backward as he mowed down trees in his path.
"Gah-haagh!"
A single blow from a stuffed toy had left Major General Dilemma on the brink of death. By nature, Dilemma possessed an extraordinary resistance to physical attacks—a supreme defensive capacity that rivaled complete damage cancel. On top of that, he had significantly boosted his magic resistance with various items. Attacks capable of piercing his defenses should have been practically nonexistent. In fact, he had been confident he could withstand anything short of an attack from their Excellencies, the Six Great Generals, even if he could not defeat them. Yet that very confidence had been effortlessly shattered by a mere stuffed toy.
Struggling to his feet, Dilemma scanned his surroundings.
"Ah... ahh..."
A feeble groan escaped his lips. And with good reason. Out of the darkness, hundreds of stuffed toys were glaring down at him.
The toys slowly began to close in.
"Aaaagh... Nooo..."
The hoarse cries tearing from Dilemma's throat soon dissolved into the sickening sound of shredding flesh and bloodcurdling screams.
—Annihilation of the Evil Army Special Forces.