As if orchestrated by fate, my consciousness returned. Just like always, I was in the middle of standing up to speak in the conference room.
The strength drained naturally from my legs, and I sank back into my chair. Tears began to spill from both eyes.
No matter what I did, the outcome was always the same. I couldn't reach that acid lake on the northwestern edge, and everyone—including Char—would die.
Char in particular could only survive here in Northground. In a sense, that had already been proven the moment she died after leaving the region.
On the other hand, if Char stayed in Northground, she would undoubtedly die as well. In other words, Char was doomed either way. The only variable was the cause. It was a genuine dead end. Powerless as I was, I couldn't even save a single girl.
"G-Gil, what's wrong?"
Kiji asked in a flustered voice.
"It's... nothing."
I muttered quietly and left the room with unsteady steps.
Entering my own room, I threw myself onto the bed and stared at the ceiling.
For the past few months, I had been running recklessly forward. Yet no matter what I did, I couldn't escape this nightmare.
That absolute powerhouse was surely at the acid lake, but reaching it was impossible because of the barrier Urokoonu had erected. I had failed countless times and understood that all too well.
I had even gone so far as to betray everyone just to help Char escape. The result was a reality so absurd it felt like a sick joke: the moment she stepped outside Northground, she died.
Whatever I did was useless now. Let alone a peaceful life with everyone, I couldn't even protect Char's smile.
I didn't care about anything anymore. No matter how much I struggled, I couldn't break free from this nightmare anyway.
"Gil!"
The door to my room swung open, and the girl most precious to me peeked her head inside.
Catching sight of me lying on the bed with her large eyes, she trotted over and dove onto the mattress. And then—
"Gil, don't cry!"
Clinging to me, she blurted out those seemingly random words while gazing into my face with an expression fraught with anxiety.
"Char, just leave me alone for now."
Without even attempting to refute her words, I barely managed to squeeze out a plea, rolling over to turn my back to her.
Just thinking about the fact that her innocent presence would be lost in a matter of days was enough to tear my chest apart. Right now, I wanted to think about nothing and sleep like the dead until the moment of ruin.
"Is Gil sad because of me?"
Weeping like a small child, she asked that question, to which I—
"No, it's not."
—immediately gave a denial. Char buried her face into my back and hugged me from behind.
"I'm sorry. When you held me in your arms, Gil, I felt like a princess from the bedtime stories Maria used to tell me. I was so, so happy and glad."
She uttered words that seemed to make no sense.
"Char?"
"Even though I faintly knew I couldn't leave this place, I didn't tell you. In the end, I caused trouble for you and made you sad..."
At first glance, her words sounded disjointed. But—
Whipping around, I saw Char looking at me with a solemn expression, as if confronting her destiny. Right now, she didn't look like she was joking in the slightest.
"Char, did you just say... you can't leave Northground?"
"Yeah. Ever since I was little, I've had strange dreams."
"Strange dreams?"
"Yeah. Dreams where I'm connected to Northground by a red tube. I'm sure that tube is my lifeline. That's why I think I died back then, the moment I left Northground."
There was no longer any room for doubt. She knew about that nightmare. The hell I thought I had endured all alone, my anguish—the person most precious to me knew it all. That fact alone—
"Chaaar..."
Overwhelmed with an unbearable mix of relief and heartache, I clung to her and wept like a child.
After crying until I was exhausted, I finally regained a baseline of composure.
It was as if all my despair and frustration had been thoroughly purged through my tears. The strange sense of relief I felt came from knowing that Char had shared the exact same suffering.
(Honestly, how opportunistic of me. How pathetic.)
Yet that was who I was. I might as well admit it. I was pathetic, hopelessly powerless, and a coward.
I couldn't do anything on my own. I was an insignificant existence.
I suppose my premise had been wrong from the very beginning. I had believed that I could reach that acid lake with my own power. No, I had simply wanted to believe it. But that was impossible. Surely, that wasn't my role to play.
That was it. All the answers were in those dreams. Normal dreams were never that vivid and detailed. As I thought, even if I couldn't fully remember it, that dream of a despicable piece of trash was my past.
Perhaps I just hadn't wanted to admit it until now. I couldn't bring myself to accept that I was such a vile scumbag who had strayed from the path of humanity.
Because—I thought that if I admitted it, I would never be able to genuinely laugh together with Char and the others ever again.
—Throb!
A sudden headache struck, as if a stake were being driven into my skull. The colors of the surrounding scenery abruptly faded away.
Standing before me was an arrogant, bob-haired blonde boy around eight years of age.
—You've finally admitted it, haven't you?
I already knew who he was. Or rather, having witnessed the past, there was no reason I wouldn't know in the first place.
(So, you were me, weren't you?)
—Yeah, much to my reluctance. But the fact that we're serving that Great One like this is all because you insolently aimed your bow at him. Still, for a cowardly wretch like you, it seems you've tried quite hard. Right now, I don't entirely reject everything about you.
(Always looking down on others, as usual.)
—Is that so? In the end, I am you. That criticism only comes right back to yourself.
(You really never run out of comebacks. So, what do I need to do to get my memories back?)
Presumably, reclaiming my memories was the only way I could face my past in the truest sense.
My eight-year-old self snapped the thumb and middle finger of his right hand, and a golden, orb-like object manifested before me.
(What is this?)
—It's your final memory. If you touch it, you'll remember the moment you lost your memories. One last thing: are you prepared?
(Prepared?)
—You already know, don't you? You've betrayed so many things. Are you prepared to shoulder all of that?
(Hahaha! There is no other choice!)
I wouldn't run away anymore! True, I had a great deal to atone for. But right now, there were people I had to protect. Things precious enough that I must protect them, even if it meant throwing away everything I had.
The moment I touched the golden sphere, the scenery shifted in an instant.
It was a dense jungle surrounded by a sea of green. I recognized this view. It was right near the place where I had first met Char.
Several familiar figures stood before me.
One was a wild-looking man with blonde hair. It was my father, whom I had seen in my dreams—Edward Loto Amelia. Another was a massive, black-haired man: the Prime Minister of the Holy Amelia Kingdom, Johannes Roosevelt. I had feared this man considerably in my dreams.
And the last was that black-haired boy who was the strongest existence.
My father, Edward, let out a deep exhale.
"Gilbert, you have stained your hands with the crime of killing your own subordinates—the most unforgivable sin for royalty. The fact that you are still allowed to live is solely due to the mercy of those you treated like insects. As a parent, I can only pray from the bottom of my heart that you overcome this trial."
He forced those words out with an agonized expression.
"Father, I don't understand what you're saying! What do you mean, trial?!"
Such frantic words spilled from my mouth.
This was surely my last memory before losing my past—a reenactment of it, no doubt.
Showing no intention of answering my question, Father closed his eyes tightly.
"Do it," he requested of the strongest existence, his tone weighed with resolve.
"Satori!"
When the strongest existence called out, a green-haired girl with a bob cut appeared like smoke and fell to her knees.
"Did you call, Supreme Great One?"
"Temporarily erase his memories. Let's see..."
The strongest existence placed a hand on his chin, pondering for a moment.
"Make it so his memories return once he fulfills the condition I'm about to give."
He issued the order to the bob-haired, green-haired girl.
"When he finds companions he can trust and protect, even at the cost of his own life."
He stated the condition.
The vision warped, and my eight-year-old self reappeared.
(I see. So that's what it meant to have already met the conditions for my memories to return...)
—Yeah. The original plan didn't make this game quite this difficult. The reason even that Great One miscalculated was because you were promoted to a True Kin, and you sealed your own memories away.
Good grief, looking at myself, I'm disgusted by how cowardly and timid I am.
To the eight-year-old me who spat out that self-deprecating sarcasm, I said,
(I agree, but in the end, how do I get my memories back?)
—Ha! Just touch the book in front of you. You can already see it, right?
A single book was floating right before my eyes.
(This is...?)
—It's all of Gilbert Loto Amelia's memories and personality. If you touch it, you'll remember everything. No, you will become conscious of who you truly are.
(I see... Thank you.)
—There's no need for thanks. You are me, and I am you.
At the haughty boy's words, the corner of my mouth lifted, and I reached out to touch the book.
My eyelids fluttered open as my shoulders were shaken, revealing Char looking up at me with tear-filled eyes.
"Gil, are you okay?!"
She clung to me, asking in a panicked rush.
"Yeah. I was having a long, long dream."
Indeed. A ridiculously long, self-inflicted nightmare spanning over a decade since Siris died.
"What are you going to do now?"
I gently stroked Char's head as she asked in a voice laden with anxiety.
"Apologize, of course."
"Apologize? To whom?"
As Char tilted her head in confusion, I gave a wry smile.
"To the best friend I betrayed!"
Shouting that, I scooped Char up, stood, and sat her down onto the bed.
Time for a fresh start. If that absolute powerhouse was Kai Heinemann, then Sister must be by his side as well.
Unless I obtained at least Tetor's and Sister's forgiveness, Kai Heinemann wouldn't dream of cooperating with me. This was a battle only I could fight. Betting everything I was right now, I would protect this New City of Ket Nya. No matter what became of me!