Something was wrong...
Everything about this was wrong.
I hadn't handed out flyers or leaflets.
I hadn't done any advertising.
We hadn't even set a start date for the classes.
And yet...
"I challenge this dojo!"
A brawny, muscle-bound macho man showed up at the palace.
Several of them, in fact.
He had the kind of face that looked like he carried logs for a living.
"I am an instructor of the Chronos Lion King Style! I humbly request to be accepted into His Majesty Leo's school!"
This wasn't right... According to my plan, I was supposed to have Ha-san introduce some kids from the orphanage and start the most laid-back children's class in the universe...
Next up was a macho man who looked like he could fire a light machine gun from the hip, just like Rikochi.
He had horns sprouting from his head, making him one of the Kishinkoku People.
"I am an instructor of the Kishin Nation Kogusoku! Please grant me permission to become your pupil!"
He had even brought a letter of recommendation.
No, look, like I said, the children's class...
The whole point was to dump it all on Katori-sensei so I wouldn't have to lift a finger!
To begin with, the premise itself was absurd.
When I casually told the chamberlain, "I'm gonna start a martial arts school, meow," a massive dojo ended up being built in an undeveloped patch of woods within the national park section of the palace—an area open to the public.
There were no environmental concerns.
In fact, an unmanaged forest was supposedly worse for the ecosystem.
It stood three stories tall, complete with a basement.
.
It wasn't just a palace dojo; it was a full-blown event hall.
The first floor housed administrative offices and an ordinary gymnasium. Swordsmanship can be practiced anywhere indoors, so that worked fine.
The second floor was a soundproof room suited for throwing techniques like judo, featuring outstanding cushioning.
For some reason, the basement was fully equipped with a clay ring and an earthen room for Rikochi and the Armored Rikishi.
I had no idea who this facility was even aimed at anymore.
As for the third floor, Lady Claire's pro-wrestling venue was just, like, agggghhhhh...
You understand, right? The harsh reality of being unable to defy your wife.
Despite our supposed lack of resources, it had been completed at breakneck speed.
I was completely over trying to understand it.
On the first floor, Eddy-sensei's Imperial Swordsmanship class, Saijo-kun's Saijou Style class, and Melissa's Tachibana Style class were held once a week.
There were so many rooms that anyone could use them as much as they liked.
On the second floor, Tank-sensei's wrestling class and a judo class run by Big Sister-in-Law Uta alongside volunteers from the Galactic Empire Army were also underway.
Isn't this getting out of hand...?
On the third floor, various organizations held matches and shows on a weekly basis.
Most of them were affiliated with Tank-sensei and Saurus-sensei.
Down in the basement, matches for the Armored Rikishi were already on the schedule.
Word had it that Tank-sensei was even going to invite the Galactic Empire's Grand Sumo!
As a result... they were projected to turn an outright profit right from the very first year.
What was with this occupancy rate?
These numbers were simply impossible for a public facility.
I'd also heard the stadium Isono built with his personal funds was raking in so much cash he couldn't stop laughing, but...
Well, whatever. Let's get back to the brawny, muscle-bound freaks.
The macho men begged to become my disciples.
They were reputable warriors, after all.
I went out to meet them directly.
"Um... we're currently only accepting sign-ups for the children's Katori Style swordsmanship class... In fact, we haven't even organized the technical curriculum for the Kamishiro-style yet..."
"Organizing the technical curriculum! We shall gladly assist you with that!"
Well, I mean, sure, if you say so.
Outside the facility, there was an archery range and my personal training area.
The archery range was covered by a roof and served as a perfectly normal, sensible space, just as planned.
My personal space was literally just a well-drained patch of grass with a pile of logs and a rack for wooden swords.
Those had originally been kept in the palace dojo, but they had kicked my gear out.
"You're the only one who uses these."
"It'll make people pick up weird habits."
"In the first place, no one else can even do that except you and Rikochi."
They had given me an endless earful.
Furthermore, they relocated the soldiers' training ground out here.
The original obstacle course would be converted into a managed nature park.
It even came complete with a biotope for wild animals.
All just to keep me from turning it into a potato field on a whim!
I already have a proper field, so I wouldn't do that anyway!
"Now then, let us begin our usual training!"
I looked to Katori-sensei for help.
In response, he leaned over and whispered something into the applicants' ears.
Instantly, both of them overflowed with motivation.
"What did you put in their heads?"
"Never mind that, just do your regular routine."
"Ehh..."
First, a light run through the obstacle course in full military gear.
Wait, what?
What's with those looks on your faces?
"Just be careful with the vertical wall climb. Don't knock it down, okay? (I already broke it once.)"
Running, climbing ropes, scaling walls...
Then into the muddy zone with rifles in hand: low crawls keeping hips off the ground, low crawls dragging hips, low crawls on elbows... standard crawls, and flat crawls keeping the entire body pressed flush to the dirt.
For that last one, if you lifted your body, head, or elbows even slightly, you'd get yelled at.
Scuttling through the troughs in the mud.
Well, "scuttling" wasn't quite the right word.
Gliding through without making a single sound.
"You there! Don't raise your elbows! You over there, keep your body down!"
The prospective disciples were barked at by an Imperial Guard Knight acting as an instructor.
That flat crawl without lifting your body is surprisingly brutal.
Meanwhile, the Imperial Guard cleared it at almost the exact same speed.
Dashing forward, scaling the vertical wall...
"Victory! All right, warm-up exercises complete!"
"That was a warm-up?!"
"Yup, just the warm-up. Now then, let's get to the real practice~"
From this point on, Katori-sensei—who had been laughing uproariously over a cup of barley tea while watching our basic drills—stepped up as instructor.
"Go on, grab whichever stick you like over there."
"Aren't these just logs?"
A deadpan retort cut in.
"They're a bit thicker than a sword, but you can grip them, can't you? Now, keep striking those logs over there until you can't think straight anymore."
To be fair, they were somewhere between thick branches and small logs—basically chunky cuts of thinned timber.
If we didn't use these, they'd snap immediately, which would be terrible for cost-efficiency.
"Huh?"
"Or would you prefer swimming in the pool in full military kit?"
The kind of thing the Space Marines do all the time.
Or treading water while holding a rifle high and dry above the surface.
That one is pure torture.
"Whaaaaaaaaaaaat?!"
"You could also walk laps across the bottom of the pool carrying steel girders if you'd prefer."
"Is that some kind of penal labor?"
The two of them stared at me as if I were a complete lunatic.
"Nope, just everyday training. Come on, don't look like that. It's totally normal conditioning that the Space Raiders do too."
Though apparently, the steel girders and log-striking were on my personal, exclusive regimen.
All right, time to get to work.
"Hyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
Pumping myself up... You know, people tend to scoff at loud battle cries, but on a first encounter, it reliably freezes an opponent in their tracks.
It's actually pretty important.
Not that it works on someone who's used to it.
And so, I struck the log.
Striking over and over until either the log or the stick gave out.
It was the same principle as a boxer pounding a tire with a sledgehammer.
Great for grip strength and back muscles.
As for body mechanics, you eventually figure those out after enough repetitions.
Even if your brain doesn't grasp the theory, your body learns how to channel the force.
It might look barbaric, but there's a real method to it.
Just like working a sandbag.
Fundamentally, it's no different from any standard combat sport.
It's just that since this is swordsmanship, we intentionally use high-rebound materials!
So, empty your mind and strike, strike!
Suddenly, I felt the blow slip smoothly through.
No rebound.
The stick tapped lightly against the concrete base beneath the log rack.
If I cracked the base, I'd get scolded, so the tip stopped right there.
Sliced cleanly in two, the log crumbled and fell apart.
"Sensei. I cut the log."
"...So you did."
Even Katori-sensei's eyes went wide.
This time, it worked even without a sharp edge.
Ah, wait, did I crush it instead of cutting it?
The cross-section looked pretty jagged.
Still, the tactile feedback had felt like a clean cut.
I was pretty sure I had actually sliced it.
Hmm, a truly bizarre phenomenon.
At last, Katori-sensei broke into a beaming grin.
"Welcome to the world of the Kamishiro-style!"
The two applicants were so thoroughly stunned their jaws practically hit the ground.
And that was how a horde of several hundred brawny, muscle-bound macho men ended up descending upon the palace.
I couldn't make heads or tails of any of it.