First, a flash hit the machine.
It wasn’t at a speed I could actually perceive, though. From my perspective, I was simply blown away without warning. The four machines, still holding hands, were sent flying while spinning wildly.
"Absolutely do not use your thrusters or posture control!" Leonidas-kun screamed.
"Got it. Just press 'Pochi' and—"
"I told you not to! I'll kill you! You've died hundreds of times doing that!"
...I got scolded.
I didn't actually do it, but he probably had to yell at me hundreds of times in those other loops. I quietly added Leonidas-kun’s name to my "People You Must Not Defy List."
"He’s getting scolded! Stuuu-pid! Stuuu-pid!" Katori-sensei roared with laughter.
I was definitely getting revenge on him later.
"Gahahahahaha! King Leo! You must treasure your loyal retainers!" Saria's Dad shouted, actually offering some decent advice.
See, this was the difference between Katori-sensei and Saria's Dad!
Just as I was thinking that, I started to feel sick. I think the blood was pooling in the wrong places because of the centrifugal force. I was going to die. My consciousness was fading...
"Leonidas-kun... hey..."
"Don't pass out! You'll die!"
Right... from the Personal Menu... I triggered a Forced Awakening via nanomachines.
People actually died from this sometimes, didn't they? Well, Kevin was on standby, so even if my heart stopped, it would probably be fine. The nanomachines released an electric shock. Not that I could truly feel the current itself—it just surged through the most sensitive parts of my system to force me back into a functional state. It was the proud, inhuman technology of the Galactic Empire.
"Forced Awakening complete!" I announced, trying to sound cool.
But the moment I regained focus, the machine jolted. An alert blared. An arm had been ripped off! Debris had made a direct hit.
"Leo-san!" Leonidas-kun grabbed my machine’s shoulder again. "It’s a fragment of the Planet-class Corpse Eater! Endure it!"
"Pinyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
There was no way to dodge that! Shrapnel with zero bloodlust was flying at unperceivable speeds! I couldn't use killing intent to read the trajectory or anything!
"If you'd used posture control, you'd be dead!"
"Pigyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
Wait, I'd probably died way more than just a few hundred times, hadn't I? How many times had I died? Hey, tell me! How many?!
"Just so you know, I stopped counting after the thousandth total wipeout!"
"Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
Debris continued to graze us. My new machine was inevitably becoming scrap metal. I was going to die! I was really going to die! Meanwhile, both Katori-sensei and Saria's Dad were having a blast, laughing their heads off. Those guys were insane!
"It's almost time!"
"For what?!"
"It's coming!"
"I asked what—!"
And then, it came—the flash of the Latania Army's plasma missiles. We were caught in the blast. We must have flown right into the explosions of the missiles they'd fired at the Ghoul Battleships. The machine was burning... huh?
"Slowing down!"
That was how we were decelerating?! We plummeted through the Latania Army's Ghoul Subjugation fire.
"Can I use the thrusters yet...?"
"Those things are already broken! If you use them, the machine will explode! You've died ten times from that alone!"
"Nyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!"
"It's okay. Eddy-san is coming!"
"What's going on?!"
Eddy!
"Thrusters malfunctioning! We can't stop! Shoot us with rocket launchers to brake us! You can do it, Eddy-san!"
"Leonidas-kyun... wh-what did you just say?"
"He's going to blast us with rocket launchers to stop us!"
"B-Big Sister-in-Law Uta, stop him!"
"She passed out from the first explosion!"
"You idiot!"
"Guhahahahahaha! This is fun! To think such excitement still remained in my life!" Saria's Dad laughed uproariously.
"Leo! This is training! We grow stronger every time we cross the line between life and death!"
"Don't screw with me!"
Then Eddy handed down the death sentence. "Here I go."
"No waaaaaaaaaaaaay!"
An explosion... and then further deceleration. It was an Explosion Skit with a two-stage punchline.
"Latania Fleet! Please retreat! The Planet-class's final explosion is coming!"
"Eh?"
"Eddy-san, retreat while towing us!"
"Got it!"
No way! An unexpected three-stage punchline.
A massive explosion occurred. As my consciousness faded, I rummaged through my storage. Strawberry caramel-flavored candy... and various gummies and snacks... they would be confiscated if they were found. Especially the cheap snacks. Using the last of my strength, I tore them all open and shoved them into my mouth like a hamster.
"Ngagogo!"
Naturally, they got stuck in my throat. Normally, reason would have stopped me, but at that moment, I was a little out of my mind. As my consciousness drifted away, I heard Kevin and the others' voices for some reason.
"His Majesty Leo! Respiratory arrest! There are snacks stuck in his throat!"
"Leo, are you an idiot?!" Kevin screamed.
I also heard Leonidas-kun's voice. "I couldn't have predicted this! Why are you on the verge of death because of something like this?!"
"Just get it out!"
I gagged violently, and then I completely lost consciousness.
"What a tragedy! The terrifying conspiracy of the Corpse Eaters! To think they would almost kill me at the very, very end! I trembled at the Zen Divine Race's dreadful operation!"
...I wrote that later in my Written Apology, but it was not accepted. After I got better, I had to prostrate myself before Wifey and my other wives, and Leo's Mother gave me a furious lecture.
"How did I raise such a gluttonous child?!" she cried.
It was heart-wrenching...
Anyway, before all that, Leonidas-kun, Saria's Dad, Katori-sensei, and I were all hospitalized, wrapped head-to-toe in bandages like mummy men. Big Sister-in-Law Uta was in the same state. The citizens of every nation rejoiced over the Ghoul Subjugation and worried about me nearly dying. They were genuinely worried. It wasn't a "Haha, just the usual!" situation; they were truly concerned. In other words, I really had almost died.
Goddamn it.
As soon as I could move, I put an afro wig on my mummy-man head. It was something that jerk Isono had brought as a get-well gift. And so, the Explosion Ending was complete. Mission accomplished.
Oh, right—I needed to read the list of name candidates for the children. As soon as they realized I could die at any moment, they'd snapped to it and sent the candidates right over.