I waited for the doctor to finish his rounds before going to see my wives.
First, I headed to Wifey’s room.
Before the delivery, she used to sleep in my room, but we had been sleeping separately since the babies arrived. Her daily routine was strictly managed by the ladies-in-waiting now.
"I’m... so... ex... haus... ted..."
Wifey let out a pathetic groan.
Unlike Claire or Ren, her body was weak due to the effects of larval fixation. Since she couldn’t produce breast milk, she had to undergo frequent medical examinations. She was the Galactic Empire Emperor, after all—the pressure was on.
I was in a similar boat. Quite apart from my regular military physicals, I was subjected to a full-body scan once a month in my capacity as the King of Chronos. They ran blood tests and everything. If they found even the slightest abnormality—or rather, because I’d hovered near death so many times that the nanomachine side effects usually flagged something—I was whisked away for precision testing. Now, that same ordeal was being visited upon Wifey while she was still recovering from childbirth.
"We still haven’t settled on a name for our child! I’m so frustrated, I’m half-tempted to just pick one myself and be done with it!"
Her eyes were bloodshot. This wasn’t just a matter of hormone balance; she was on the verge of snapping from pure, unadulterated stress.
And why wouldn't she be? Riots and even acts of terrorism had broken out over the naming process. The imperial citizens were losing their minds. The officials in charge of coordinating the naming committees were so spineless that there wasn't even a glimmer of a solution in sight.
I felt like I was about to snap, too.
Just as I was beginning to seethe in sympathy, Zashiki-warashi suddenly appeared. She popped up without warning from the corner of Wifey’s bed.
"Big Brother, Big Sister. Can the World Tree and I decide the names?"
In the next instant, a truly wicked grin spread across Wifey’s face.
"Do iiiiiiiiiiiit!"
"Aa-uu!"
For some reason, our son let out a cry as if in agreement. There was no way he could have actually understood, of course. It should have been impossible.
Still, I couldn't help but notice that he didn't cry at Wifey’s sudden outburst. Our boy was quite thick-skinned... or perhaps he was just exceptionally bold. As a man, that was a talent in itself. Probably.
I decided to consider it the mark of a hero. Though that was likely just me being a doting parent.
"If possible, try to pick something with a pronunciation humans can understand. And do the same for Ren’s children."
It would be a problem if World Tree-chan chose something that sounded like "twinkle" or "sparkle." I definitely wanted to avoid those trendy "sparkly" names that Yankee couples might pick, like Pika-[Self-Censored].
"Got it! I'll ask the Wolf about Big Sister Ren’s kids."
"Thanks."
Zashiki-warashi vanished into thin air.
Zashiki-warashi was a god of this world—likely the entire universe, though that hadn't been officially confirmed yet. I decided to leave it in her hands. I didn't care about the idiots engaged in their ugly squabbles anymore.
"How about we just tell them, 'God gave them these names. Now all of you shut your mouths!'?"
"Let's go with that."
Wifey beamed. We would settle on that. I didn't give a damn about those organizations anymore. To hell with them! The deadline was officially closed.
By the way, something had been bugging me.
"...Speaking of which, who’s 'the Wolf'?"
"The Wolf God, obviously. Just think about it."
"Even the cats’ names are being left to the Wolf?"
"How should I know how a god thinks?"
I suppose that was true. Still, anything was better than being named after those famous sextuplets from that one gag manga.
"Is it okay that only Ark is under the Chronos Religion?"
Wifey and Ren’s children would have a god as their godparent, while only Ark’s name would be of human origin. I was a little worried about the disparity.
"Isn't it fine? Let's ask Claire... Claire, you there?"
I opened a correspondence link with Claire.
"Whaaaat is it?"
"It's about Ark. Should we have God rename him too?"
"No, I’m fine with it. He's just a normal child. I want our home life to be normal. Right, Leo?"
"But there’ll be a difference between the children. Are you sure that's okay?"
"In the end, his parents decided his name, so there's no difference at all."
I guess she was right. If anything, the fact that we discussed it together made his name unique. Like the other children, I didn't intend to raise him as a Son of God anyway.
"If you're sure..."
"I'm sure!"
And so, that was settled. I wondered when the names would be finalized.
After that, I finished up my work for the day and went to sleep with Melissa.
That night...
Zashiki-warashi appeared in my dream. Actually, she appeared in the dreams of everyone involved, including the idiots who were constantly fighting.
We recognized her as Zashiki-warashi, but it was different for everyone else. To them, she appeared as a goddess clad in a kimono—a mature, dignified woman. In the background stood a giant wolf and a massive tree. Yep, that was definitely World Tree-chan.
The gods made their declaration.
"O foolish ones who bicker while claiming devotion to the divine! The naming shall be handled by God!"
And then I woke up.
The moment I opened my eyes, a message came in from Wifey.
"Lord Groom... did you have a dream?"
"I did."
Then a message arrived from Ren.
"Did you see the dream?"
"I saw it."
"I saw it too!"
Just as I was thinking, Oh, this might have become a big deal, the Chamberlain and the lady-in-waiting burst into the room.
"Heh-heh-heh-heh... Your Majesty! We have received a staggering number of inquiries!"
"I figured as much..."
"It’s the same here! My box is overflowing! I’m logging out!"
Wifey disconnected from the call.
"Ren, I’ll leave the Beast Race side of things to you."
"Understood!"
As things spiraled into chaos, Melissa finally woke up, snoring until the last second.
"Mornin'. What’s all the noise about?"
"The gods finally snapped and issued a divine revelation."
Melissa burst out laughing.
"Man, there's never a dull moment when I'm with you, Captain."
"I was thinking the same thing..."
And just like that, the terrorism and riots subsided. Nothing but idiots everywhere. It felt like this was going to turn into some legendary tale about God, but I didn't care anymore. Little Ark’s name was chosen by me and Claire, and that was what mattered.
"Hey, Melissa, if we have a kid, what should we do about the name?"
"If I just toss the job to my old man and the rest of them, they’ll come up with something safe. If I suggest anything weird, the whole clan will give me a full-on beatdown."
That was a very realistic approach. It was a far cry from the rest of my household, where my relatives might as well be using a random name generator.
"You don't want God to be the godparent?"
"I don't plan on making our kid a hero or anything. I'm already shocked enough just knowing I'm close to the imperial family in terms of bloodline. My family home was originally just a viscount house. Give me a break."
If Melissa said so, then that was that. If she changed her mind, I could just ask Zashiki-warashi. I believed the final decision belonged to the mothers. As long as the names weren't as haphazard as the ones Ren picked, I wouldn't complain. Normal was always best.
I checked my message box.
"Please spare us from divine punishment!"
There were hundreds of messages like that. Man, the people who got scolded directly by "God" must be in tears. It wasn't like apologizing to me would help, though. They should be apologizing to Wifey. Ah, I see—they wanted me to put in a good word for them!
Hahaha... it looked like today was going to be a busy one.
Hahaha... the inquiries were still increasing.
Lou-chan's mom was already asking for an interview...
This had turned into a massive incident.
A devious, greedy smile spread across my face.