"Lady Katia. We will be arriving shortly."
At the coachman’s voice, I pulled my gaze away from the window.
A month. Exactly one month had passed since I had declared my intention to marry Rein. During the intervening weeks, my father and I had argued every single day, locked in the same circular debate.
"An engagement is far too premature! You are only ten years old!"
My father would shout, punctuating his words by slamming his hand against the drawing-room table.
"My mind is made up," I would reply.
"You don't get to decide that!"
We repeated this exchange for days on end. A doting fool, my father would often sigh and moan, "My sweet Katia, engaged already..." It wasn't that he inherently opposed the idea of an engagement; he simply couldn't bear the thought of giving me away to anyone.
How absurd. For a noble, a ten-year-old’s engagement wasn't even particularly rare.
Still, Father eventually allowed me to use the carriage, provided it was under the formal pretext of a "visit." The matter of the engagement remained shelved for the time being.
Of course, the visit was merely a front. In truth, I simply needed to see Rein.
That day, as he lay in bed, he had reached out with a thin arm to stroke my hair. That gentle hand that had moved with such tenderness... I needed to confirm, once more, that it was real.
◇◇◇
Mira greeted me at the entrance.
"Lady Katia, we have been expecting you. Please, this way."
Mira, Rein’s personal attendant, had come down to the foyer personally—a necessity since only a handful of staff in the mansion were privy to the truth of Rein’s condition.
As we climbed the stairs, Mira updated me on his recovery in a low voice. She told me that the burn scars on his torso had almost vanished and his complexion was improving. However, the regeneration of his lost limbs was still in the early stages.
Mira reached his door and knocked softly.
"Lord Rein. Lady Katia has arrived to see you."
"...Please, come in."
His voice was raspy, yet it carried with far more clarity than it had a month ago.
The door swung open.
Rein was propped up against the headboard. A healthy, silvery sheen was beginning to return to his white hair. His right eye was still a hollow void, but the gaunt hollows of his cheeks had filled out, bringing him closer to the Rein I remembered.
"Katia. You came."
"...Of course I did."
My voice wavered. I couldn't allow myself to dissolve into tears as I had the last time.
Mira entered the room ahead of me and took her place at the bedside. Her movements were those of a consummate maid, yet I couldn't help but notice how she stood. She was close—so close she could touch him with the slightest movement. It felt wrong.
◇◇◇
Once she finished pouring the tea, Mira took a plate of sweets and sat directly on the edge of the bed.
"Lord Rein. I’ve brought some treats for you."
Without a hint of hesitation, she pulled Rein onto her lap. She wrapped one arm around him from behind, effectively cradling him, while using her other hand to pick up a sweet.
"Now, say 'ahhh.'"
Draping herself over him, Mira brought the sweet to his lips. Her face was inches from his cheek. Rein looked troubled by the display, yet he obediently opened his mouth.
"...Excuse me. Aren't you being a bit too clingy with him?"
The words slipped out before I could stop them.
Feeding him while holding him in such an intimate embrace... that wasn't something a maid did. I felt a sharp pang of envy.
"Isn't that behavior a bit unseemly for a servant?" I added, my tone growing pointed.
Mira’s smile didn't even flicker.
"Not at all. This is nursing care. Given Lord Rein’s physical limitations, we must employ creative methods to ensure he receives proper nourishment."
"...Nursing care, you call it?"
"Indeed. Nursing care."
"I am the one who will marry Rein," I asserted.
Mira didn't move a muscle.
"My, Lady Katia. Congratulations. Though, I was under the impression that your engagement had yet to be finalized?"
"...Not yet. But it will be soon."
"I shall look forward to it, then."
Mira smiled, looking genuinely, mockingly entertained.
◇◇◇
In the afternoon, the door opened again.
A beautiful girl with golden hair entered the room. It was the Saint—Lady Therese. She was much younger than I had imagined, looking nearly the same age as me.
"Lord Rein. Regarding today's session—we are finally moving on to the regeneration of your limbs. We will begin with the right leg."
Rein gave a small, firm nod.
"Please."
There was no hesitation in his voice.
I stood there, stunned. His leg was actually going to grow back? Lady Therese's magic truly was a divine miracle.
"If the treatment is starting, perhaps I should excuse myself..."
It was improper for a noble lady to witness another’s medical procedure.
"Lady Katia."
Mira’s voice caught me like a physical grip.
I turned back. Mira was still smiling, but the light behind her eyes had changed.
"We who were saved by Lord Rein have an obligation to witness this."
Her voice was quiet, yet heavy.
"We only exist because Lord Rein saved us. His current state is the result of him acting as our substitute and enduring three years of hell. We must see for ourselves the true nature of his recovery."
Mira’s eyes were churning with a dark, bottomless depth. Looking into them, I felt myself being swallowed whole.
"...I understand."
Lady Therese looked toward us with a pained expression.
"...Are you certain, Lady Katia? This will be... well, quite shocking."
"I’m sure. I agree that I have an obligation to watch."
◇◇◇
Rein was secured to the bed with leather straps, and a bit was placed in his mouth to keep him from biting his tongue. I stood in the corner of the room with Mira beside me, my hands white-knuckled as I gripped the fabric of my skirt.
"I am beginning."
Lady Therese placed her hands over the site of Rein's amputation—a stump where his leg had been taken at the hip—and a green light began to glow.
At first, it looked like a warm, gentle radiance.
Then, Rein's body bucked.
Despite the restraints, he moved with terrifying force. The leather straps groaned under the strain. A muffled, guttural scream tore through the bit.
Rein’s body convulsed violently. His back arched like a drawn bow, and the tendons in his neck strained until they looked ready to snap. Cold sweat drenched him instantly.
Within the light, the stump began to reshape itself. Flesh, nerves, and bone were being woven together—slowly, excruciatingly slowly. It looked as if he were being built and broken at the same time.
The word "painful" was a pathetic understatement.
My knees began to knock together. I desperately wanted to look away, but I couldn't. Mira’s dark gaze was fixed on me from the side, pinning me in place.
Then—
Rein’s body gave one final, massive heave before going completely limp.
His head fell back against the mattress. The convulsions ceased.
Even so, Lady Therese did not stop. The green light continued to pour into the wound.
"His heart has stopped."
"—What!?"
The scream escaped me before I could think.
"It will restart in a few seconds," Lady Therese said, her voice flat and her face as expressionless as a stone mask.
A few seconds? His heart stopped? He was dead?
A few seconds later, Rein’s body bucked again. His teeth sank into the leather bit as a muffled shriek returned. He was back.
"Because the area being restored is so large, the pain is incomparable to the previous treatments. His heart fails from the sheer shock of the agony. But do not worry; as I am constantly applying recovery magic, he will always be resuscitated immediately."
How could she use a phrase like "do not worry"?
Stopping, returning. Stopping, returning.
Again and again.
My vision began to swim. My ears rang with a high-pitched whine, and bile rose in the back of my throat. I couldn't even bring myself to be sick; I could only stand there, shaking uncontrollably.
What was this?
This was his "treatment"? This was what Rein endured every single day?
Tears were streaming down my face. I didn't know when they had started.
Mira didn't move. She stared at Rein without so much as a blink. Lady Therese continued, her own face tight with the reflected strain of the boy’s suffering.
Rein bucked again. I watched through a blur of tears.
◇◇◇
The light finally faded.
As the glow vanished, Rein lost consciousness instantly. The leather bit was slick with saliva, marked by deep indentations from his teeth. The stump of his right leg had extended only a fraction—no more than the length of a finger.
How many more times would he have to endure this before he was whole?
I leaned against the wall, my legs barely holding me up. I didn't have the strength to stay in that room for another second.
I stumbled out into the hallway.
Behind me, I heard the door click shut, followed by the sound of Mira’s footsteps.
"Lady Katia."
Her voice was calm. When I turned, she was looking at me with the same hollow, focused intensity she’d had in the room.
"We must dedicate our entire beings to Lord Rein."
Her voice was a soft, chilling monotone.
"It is not that you will 'possess' Lord Rein through marriage. It is that we must become his possessions. Do you understand now?"
Did I understand?
The "marriage" I had envisioned was based on mutual love. I would give him my love, and he would give me his.
But after seeing that... after witnessing the pain that literally stops his heart every single day...
I had no right to demand anything from him.
I had been so wrong.
I wasn't "marrying" him as a favor or an act of pity. Marriage was the only way I could legally offer myself up to him entirely.
It wasn't about holding him. It was about surrendering everything I was to him as a way to balance the scales of his suffering.
If Mira, or anyone else, felt the same need to support him—then so be it.
Because I alone could never be enough to pay for his pain.
The corners of my eyes burned.
"Mira," I choked out. "Do you feel the same way?"
Mira’s eyes narrowed slightly.
"I do, Lady Katia."
"...I see."
I let out a long, shuddering breath. Pressing my forehead against the cool stone of the wall, I whispered my answer.
"I understand."
Something hit the floor with a soft patter.
It was the sound of my childhood dreams shattering.