“I thought… Sajocchi wouldn't do anything anymore.”
“! …”
I was taken aback by the sheer conviction in Ashida’s voice. I didn’t know why I’d reacted that way, or why I couldn’t immediately fire back with a "That’s not true."
Besides myself, Ashida was definitely the one who knew my stance toward Natsukawa best. I remembered telling her exactly how I felt right after I’d distanced myself from Natsukawa in the first semester, back when I’d first lost my confidence. Since then, she must have been watching my behavior in her own way and concluded that I’d become passive toward Natsukawa.
Why had I continued to interact with Natsukawa until recently, even though I was supposed to be aiming to extinguish the fire in my heart? Normally, we should have drifted apart long ago. Even when our seats were arranged one in front of the other, we should have barely exchanged a word, acting as nothing more than mere classmates.
But.
“—Still, if someone suddenly loses a place where they belong, anyone would be surprised. They’d get anxious.”
“…”
There was no way a boy who had lived for only fifteen-odd years could understand the opaque mysteries of a girl's heart. It was none other than Ashida who had reached out and cracked open that door—one otherwise bound tight by tangled vines—just a tiny bit from the inside.
If that hadn't happened, would I have even noticed the situation surrounding Natsukawa back then? Would I have found any points of contact with her after that? Would I have taken on the troublesome role of assisting the Cultural Festival Executive Committee? Would I even have a place where I could face things as seriously as I did now?
If Ashida hadn't been there, what would I have been able to achieve?
Falling for Natsukawa, reflecting on myself. Even so, I had always done things the way I wanted. I liked to think I was the one making the decisions. But in reality, I didn’t have the courage for that kind of resolve; the things I thought I’d accomplished were likely just the result of being pushed into action by some external catalyst every single time.
In that sense, this injury to my left hand was a monument to my reckless bravery. It might have been a spontaneous situation, but this was the result of me deciding alone and acting alone. Perhaps the real me lacked the decisiveness to reach the right answer, and since the first semester, I’d simply grown accustomed to the feeling of "achieving" things by being guided by others, like a series of scripted demonstrations.
Normally, talking to someone who has rejected you should require enough courage to make your legs shake. And yet, how did things end up like this?
The origin of it all was—
“…You shitty extrovert.”
“Why!?”
Ashida seemed genuinely shocked by the sudden "compliment."
I didn’t know what she’d seen of Natsukawa and me until now, but it was pathetic for her to make such a judgment without considering her own influence, given how she was always shoving her way into our business. Her failure to think about those fine details was exactly the kind of thing a person with a massive social circle would do.
This girl didn’t understand what she’d done. Whenever she caught Natsukawa looking unhappy, she’d grab the back of my head and shove me right in front of her, shouting, “Look, Sajocchi!” It didn't matter if I looked away or tried to keep my distance. Whether I liked it or not, she would present the anxious face of the girl I loved right to me. This situation was no different.
When pushed like that, I…
“It’s like you said. I can't do anything special for Natsukawa anymore.”
“N-No way…”
I realized it thanks to Ashida. I had been too obsessed with getting people to understand me. The cause and the circumstances of this injury didn't matter. There was no need to do anything special to make Natsukawa understand me. There was only one thing I should do: restore Natsukawa’s smile.
In the first place, I wasn't just some random friend or classmate. There was a limit to what a rejected man could do. If I plotted something and said, “I did this for you,” when it wasn't a special occasion, it would just be me forcing my feelings on her—unwanted meddling. At best, she’d just find me creepy. That’s why.
“That’s why—I’ll gamble on something normal.”
“Eh?”
Despite being the one who was rejected, I’d make my move. The opportunities were minimal, which was exactly why this was a precious moment I couldn't afford to miss.
“It’s coming up soon, right? The perfect opportunity.”
“The perfect opportunity… —Ah!”
It was a day of blessing that came equally to every human being. The wonderful anniversary of the day Natsukawa was born into this world, marking her sixteenth year.
““—Natsukawa’s (Aichi’s) birthday…!””
October 31st. I wonder if she knew how special that day was. People were so eager to celebrate Natsukawa that they prepared months in advance, working on costumes just so they could dress up and dance like mad at the Shibuya scramble crossing on the day itself. Many people were likely already preparing for the coming day this year, too. The enthusiasm was so great that even I couldn’t keep up with it.
“Celebrating Natsukawa’s birthday. Giving her a present. There’s nothing strange about that.”
“I see! We’ll celebrate Aichi’s birthday and cheer her up!”
“Exactly.”
“Where are we having the party?”
“Eh?”
“Eh?”
P-Party? Did she just say party? Not panties?
Wait… didn't I just say I wouldn't do anything special? In the first place, what kind of Hell would it be for a girl to have a birthday party organized by the guy she rejected? It would be a nightmare even if things weren't this awkward. Being caught in the middle of the scramble crossing would be better than that.
Could it be that Ashida… actually thinks a birthday party is "normal"?
“…? You’re not having a party?”
“You shitty extrovert.”
“Why!?”
“To begin with, Natsukawa is the type who enjoys her birthday at home with her family. Seeing Airi-chan with whipped cream all over her face, eating happily, is the best present Natsukawa could ask for. Don't underestimate her love for Airi-chan.”
“From what position are you even saying that!?”
Seriously, imagine if I set up a surprise party and called her out. Natsukawa might show up just to be polite, but back at the Natsukawa house, it would be a scene from Hell—Airi-chan poking sadly at a birthday cake while the birthday girl is missing. The mere thought of it made me feel like I was going bald.
“The goal is to restore Natsukawa’s smile. Even without a party, anyone would be happy to be celebrated by the people close to them.”
“But what if Aichi still doesn’t cheer up?”
“…………Can I leave the rest to you?”
“You’re dumping it on me!?”
Considering that just talking to her made her suddenly "remember" an errand to run away from me, the act of me contacting Natsukawa might actually make things worse. The only other thing I could try directly was seeing if she’d even accept a gesture of goodwill. If I could get her to talk to me, that would be a win.
“…I know I’m the cause. But this time, I can’t just say ‘I won't give up until Natsukawa is better.’ This isn't like my part-time job or the Cultural Festival Executive Committee where you can just work your way through it. If it were that easy to move Natsukawa’s heart, I wouldn't be envying Sasaki right now.”
“You really are envious…”
“So, I have no choice but to do what I can. If that doesn't work—then that’ll finally be the end of it.”
“…”
I was the reason Natsukawa was depressed. If even I used one of my few opportunities and it failed, then there was no room left for me to do anything.
But it was different for others like Ashida. There was no reason for Natsukawa to show them a sad face, and if they continued to encourage her, there was still a chance she’d show them the same smile she always had.
“So, uh, I’m really sorry, but…”
“If it doesn't work for you, Sajocchi, and I or the other girls manage to make Aichi happy… will you really be okay with that?”
“…It hurts to admit, but the relationship we’ve had until now was what was actually impossible.”
Confessing, being rejected, and yet staying as close as we had been—it was unthinkable under normal circumstances. It had been a luxurious time. For me, it was like the end of a "bonus time" period.
“I have to think positively. It’s a good opportunity to finally cast aside my lingering attachments.”
“…I see. Okay.”
Just as my perspective had changed since middle school, if I could cut off my attachments to Natsukawa, a new way of thinking would surely be born. I’d have to hope that the regrets and the sting of failure would become the spring that launched me into the future. I couldn't let the end of a single love ruin the rest of my life.
“Hey, Sajocchi… if that happens… okay?”
“Hm?”
“—No! Never mind!”
“? Right. Well, for now, I need to focus on making this work… Whoops.”
The school bell rang. Through the strategy meeting—or rather, the interrogation—with Ashida, I’d solidified my plan for Natsukawa. I had to use the remaining opportunities effectively. If possible, I wanted to be the one to make Natsukawa smile by my own power…
“…Wait. Come to think of it, what was your birthday present for Aichi, Sajocchi…?”
“What, did you forget? I told you before.”
“Y-Yeah… sorry, could you tell me one more time?”
“Good grief…”
The optimal solution I’d reached after two years of middle school. A tiny bit of essence to better adorn the gem named Natsukawa. A masterpiece of my own making, crafted at a price that wasn't too heavy for a high school student, yet high enough to matter.
“—A ring.”
“U-Uhhh…”
What?