"N-Natsukawa...?"
"Y-Yeah..."
Why? How? While questions swirled in my mind, I didn't for a moment think the sight before me was an illusion. Intuition, honed over many long months, told me that she was no ghost. Even so, I couldn't help but feel a sense of dissonance seeing Natsukawa still here, right as the final school departure time was closing in.
When I spoke to her, Natsukawa approached with awkward, slow steps and came to a halt right in front of me.
A classroom at sunset. To my exhausted eyes, the scenery alone was mystical enough to make me stare, to say nothing of Natsukawa herself. Just as the moon glows with the reflected light of the sun, Natsukawa, bathed in the orange rays of the evening, looked even more adorable and beautiful than usual.
"Goddess..."
"Wh-what... What was that all of a sudden...?"
"No, well, I... I’d just fallen victim to the Sunset Correction, that’s all."
"Th-that’s—"
Damn you, sunset... You’ve got some nerve. I ended up blurting out exactly what was on my mind. So this is what it means to be struck with awe. The words had slipped out completely unconsciously. You certainly did a number on my self-restraint. If we were strangers meeting for the first time instead of who we are, this surely would have been the start of a fleeting romance.
"...By the way, you haven't gone home yet? I thought you’d be back already, saying you wanted to see Airi-chan even a second sooner."
"Th-that’s... because... I was..."
"Huh?"
"I was... waiting for you!"
"Huh?"
Wait, what? I was happy. She was cute. So incredibly cute.
How was I supposed to handle her saying something like that while acting all restless? That was a foul. I reflexively asked her to repeat it just because I wanted to hear it one more time.
"...Um, why?"
The words leaked out in a low voice. Again, totally unconscious. To be told "I was waiting" by the person I love and then respond like that? How shameless could I be?
...Still, my confusion was genuine. Given our relationship and the awkwardness that had built up recently, she must have known that even if we were alone, we wouldn't have much to talk about. I couldn't understand why she would go out of her way to wait for me.
"...I wanted to talk... to Wataru..."
"..."
She gave me an answer to the question I hadn't even expected her to acknowledge. A tremor of agitation, small enough to keep hidden, ran through my chest. Her answer only made me understand the situation even less.
Why did she want to talk to me? Why now? Weren't things awkward between us? My questions were endless.
"Uh, is there something bothering you...?"
"S-something bothering me... yeah... maybe it's something like that."
It seemed I’d hit close to the mark. After a moment's thought, Natsukawa nodded with a somewhat dejected expression. Well, if she was troubled, it made sense why she’d suddenly want to talk. Furthermore, if it was about our roles as Cultural Festival Executive Committee Members, I could listen without any ulterior motives.
"I see... What happened?"
"Um, lately... no. Maybe it’s been this way for a long time, but..."
I could see the hesitation in Natsukawa as she spoke. Was it really okay to tell me? Would she regret it? It felt like she was struggling with that kind of internal conflict. I’d probably feel the same way if I were her. After all, the person in front of her was Sajou Wataru... You’d have to tilt your head in doubt if you were considering whether I was a suitable person for Natsukawa to consult.
Even so, if I was being relied upon, I would respond with everything I had.
"—Was I... of any use...?"
"Eh?"
This time, I let out a sound of genuine surprise. It was a reflex born of my desire to deny Natsukawa’s insecurity. Had she been of use? The answer was obvious. Of course she had. After how earnestly she’d worked, I couldn't understand why she was being so pessimistic.
"What do you mean, 'of any use'?"
"Like during this whole thing... It felt like I was just moving my hands as I was told the whole time..."
"Well, you’re a first-year. Isn't that how it usually goes?"
I think just participating seriously makes someone admirable. Normally, being a Cultural Festival Executive Committee Member is a pain that no one wants to deal with; if anything, most people are only there because they lost at rock-paper-scissors. Furthermore, even though she could have easily been blamed by her classmates due to collective responsibility, the fact that she kept working in silence was worthy of praise. I wondered where that motivation even came from.
"But..."
"...?"
When no words followed that "but," I looked up and saw Natsukawa staring straight at me. She looked like she had more to say, but she couldn't seem to find the words. Could it be that my own actions were what was troubling her?
"No, I—"
In my case... yeah, that was true. Thinking back, I really did overstep quite a bit. It wouldn't be strange for her to find it suspicious. Even if I was just following Gou-senpai around, it wasn't something a typical first-year should have been doing.
"A-Ah... well, I was an outsider to begin with, right? And what I was doing was borderline rule-breaking... actually, just flat-out wrong. Normally, it’s unheard of for a student to hire an outside contractor with money to help with a festival... There’s no such thing as 'doing a good job' when you’re complicit in something like that."
"Why...?"
"No, like I said—"
It really could only be described as a complete exception. Even if the "West" side—the kids from wealthy families—had been doing the same thing until last year, it was still essentially cheating. It sounds fine if you call it "Demarcation," but the reality was a forced measure using the power of money. It wasn't something a student should rely on. While it was difficult in its own way precisely because it was so petty, it wasn't something that deserved praise.
Still, if I were to just lay everything bare to Natsukawa...
"—Why did you go that far...?"
"Eh... what?"
Oh, were we talking about the root cause? As in, "Why are you doing this, anyway?"
It seemed I had misunderstood Natsukawa’s doubt. She wasn't asking for the dark details. Thank goodness—wait, hold on. She wanted me to say that? To say it to none other than Natsukawa herself? Wasn't that a bit too much of a nightmare?
"Why did Wataru do it...?"
"Well, that’s—"
"Why... how can you work that hard?"
"...Natsukawa?"
She probably wasn't asking out of mere curiosity. Despite what I thought, I felt a certain desperation in Natsukawa’s words.
I searched for a way to dodge the question. This—this one thing—must never be revealed. I thought that if I just strung together some plausible-sounding words, she’d be satisfied. And yet.
"I was surprised when Wataru first showed up. You helped out as if you knew everything, and then you were giving instructions alongside the seniors, and you even joined in on the meetings... When I found out the Student Council was in trouble, I thought you were working hard to help your sister."
"Ah..."
"—But Wataru clearly said that wasn't it."
"A-Ah, that... well, you know, we’re siblings. I can’t say something as embarrassing as 'It’s for my sister' straight to Nee-chan’s face, right? We weren't even that close to begin with."
"Liar. I was watching you then. You didn't have the face of someone making excuses or getting defensive. I’ve known Wataru since middle school, too."
"..."
Her voice was full of pursuit. This wasn't a situation I could talk my way out of. In the first place, I was out of options. Did I really have no choice but to lay it all out candidly while my face turned bright red?
But even so, why? Why did Natsukawa care so much? I could understand being curious about why an outsider like me poked my nose in. But this wasn't about Ashida or Sasaki—it was me. I was someone she had no reason to care about anymore.
"...Why do you want to know so badly?"
Though I knew it was bad manners, I leaned back against the desk. If I could change this atmosphere, I didn't mind being a little rough. I didn't want to be hated anymore, but I could afford a tiny bit.
"...I... I don't know."
"Then isn't it fine?"
Normally, if it were any other question, I would have answered immediately. But not this. I couldn't say this, especially not now. Things had been awkward before, but we’d finally reached a point where everything was becoming vague and settled. If I went out of my way to say something that would grab her attention, it would just make her strangely self-conscious and lead to more awkwardness.
To Natsukawa now, I was just a classmate, a friend, a temporary place to belong. Part of a group that just happened to hang out often along with Ashida. How was she supposed to react to being told "It was for you" by someone she’d rejected countless times and didn't even like? It was too much to dismiss it as just being a friend. It would be uncalled-for meddling—a total nuisance.
"N-No..."
"..."
"No."
A childish refusal. To hear those words come from Natsukawa, who usually played the big-sister role... the gap moe was overwhelming. I felt like I was being purified. This was too much of a surprise attack.
"..."
The tension drained out of me. A small sigh escaped my lips. Not out of frustration—I just felt it was a bit silly to keep overthinking it. Come to think of it, what on earth was I so worried about? There was no need to fuss over my relationship with Natsukawa anymore.
After so many twists and turns, we were talking again. That was a stroke of luck, like a reward. "I don't want Natsukawa to hate me any more than this"—I was the one being contradictory. That sentiment itself was proof that I was still holding out hope for her. What was the point of trying to look cool? In the end, I couldn't throw away my passion for Natsukawa. My ulterior motives. I could only laugh at how shallow I was.
I’ll say it.
Will things get awkward? It doesn't matter. Ideally, things should have stayed awkward and we should have remained distant anyway. Trying to measure the distance between us now was meaningless. Why was I the only one dancing here? Natsukawa had surely thrown all of that into the past and moved on. That was exactly why she was able to involve herself with me like this. I was the only one with wicked thoughts. It was about time I stepped forward, too. After all this time. After all this time. After all this time.
"Natsukawa, listen—"
It was a beautiful sunset. A perfect situation. A classroom at dusk. A sight I, a member of the Going-home Club, probably wouldn't see again. An opportunity like this was rare. That was why I’d leave a single memory in this scenery. I’d take just a tiny bit of my feelings out of my heart. All I had to do was close the lid afterward. It would be okay. No matter what conclusion awaited, I knew I wouldn't regret it. So—
" "
I'll loosen the chains just a little.