Motivation—it’s the engine that drives us, no matter who we are. Children run around outside, fueled by a power welling up from deep within. Middle schoolers get lost in strange fantasies and try to live them out (at least, a certain subset does). Then, after passing through the transition of puberty and awakening to tender emotions, they take those burning urges that flare up whenever they think of their crush and sublimate them into their own personal drive. Especially boys.
In short, what I’m trying to say is this:
“Being in love really was a powerful thing...”
Lost in that adolescent sentiment, I looked down at the paper in front of me and checked the top right corner.
“...Sixty-fifth, huh?”
Having survived the hellish term-end exams, I’d managed to crawl across the finish line, gasping for air. It was so agonizing that it had almost circled back around to feeling good. Were the people ranked higher than me just total masochists or something?
There were midterm exams at the end of spring, too, but the long and short of it was that my rank had dropped. I remembered placing thirty-second back then. But surprisingly, the studying hadn't felt nearly as painful at the time.
I knew exactly why. Back then, I had a will of steel, driven by the need to “keep up with Natsukawa.” To begin with, this was a fairly prestigious preparatory school... I didn't think I would have even gotten in if I hadn't been obsessed with her. My study time this time around was clearly less than before. Or rather, the motivation just wasn't there.
I wondered what would happen if the current me tried to study for this school’s entrance exams all over again. Even this sixty-fifth place was partly saved by the foundation I’d built up until now. I wasn't sure if I could even maintain this next time. This was bad. I needed to rethink things a bit before the next round.
“Sajocchi, what rank were you?”
“Bwah-tcha?!”
“Did you just glitch out?”
If someone peeks over your shoulder without warning, that’s going to happen. I wasn't exactly holding this paper out for public viewing. Especially not for Ashida, who would pounce on any chance to tease me. I couldn't afford to show her any openings.
I looked up resentfully at Ashida, who was leaning over from the desk behind me. Realizing I was on guard, she gave a sheepish laugh and backed off.
“I was seventy-fourth!” she announced.
“Eh?”
Just when I thought she’d backed off quietly, she went and exposed her own rank. It was delivered with enough volume that it definitely hit my ears, and I ended up knowing Ashida’s rank even though I hadn't asked.
Wait, uh, yeah. Is that how it’s going to be? Like, “I told you mine, so you have to tell me yours”... That was definitely it.
...Well, fine. The top 100 were going to be posted later anyway. And as long as I was beating Ashida, it wouldn't be a weakness.
“Here, look at these wild fluctuations.”
“Sixty-fi—well, it doesn't look like it went up... Sajocchi, weren't you higher last time?”
“I-I forgot.”
“Wow, you're totally shaken.”
Why did this girl even know my previous rank? We’d only known each other for about two months back then, right? Was it an information network? Was this that grapevine unique to girls? Wait, did that mean all the other girls knew, too?
“Huh. I asked because I figured you'd be in the top fifty again anyway, but that was unexpected.”
“S-So what about your seventy-fourth? How do you feel about that?”
“Seventy-fourth, exactly. Don't you forget it.”
“Fine, fine.”
Apparently, Ashida felt a sense of pride in her rank. No, don't give me that triumphant look. Why were you so proud when you were ranked lower than me?
“Do you remember my rank from last time?!”
“I don't.”
“Two hundred and twentieth! This is a massive leap forward!”
“So you really were an idiot.”
“In the past tense! I'll forgive you if it's in the past tense!”
Wow, this girl’s energy was through the roof. Unlike me, she had actually studied properly. I’d only had the image of her being busy with the Volleyball Club lately, but I guess she was working hard on this front, too. Alright, I’d decided. My new motivation would be not losing to this girl.
“Yo, Sajou! What rank were you? I was two hundred and thirtieth.”
This guy looked way too happy about that.
“Whoa, amazing.”
You probably think I said that as a joke, right? It was actually a monologue. The words just spilled out from the back of my throat before I knew it.
It was a few days after the individual results announcement. The grade ranking table had been posted on the back wall of the classroom. Students were rejoicing and saying “Look, look!” while others were trying to hide the paper and saying “Don't look!” Personally, I had decided not to care anymore. More than anything, I didn't even want to remember the existence of the tests.
The reason those creepy words had slipped out was the name written in the second spot from the top. There, in all its glory, was our idol and Goddess, “Natsukawa Aika.” As expected of such a high-spec, talented lady!
I remembered that during the previous periodic exam, I was thirty-second and Natsukawa was twenty-seventh. I was clinging to her even when she was studying for exams back then. Just like a stalker, my rank had been right behind hers.
Natsukawa had truly awakened during this test. There was no longer anyone who could stop her. Seriously, she was incredible. I really must have been a massive anchor weighing down her studies before. I was pretty sure she had never hit a rank like this even back in middle school.
“Aichi! Give me half your score!”
“Wh-What for?!”
Natsukawa, who had undoubtedly claimed the top spot in the class, was surrounded by everyone, led by Ashida. If it were the old me, I would have been the first one over there. Now that I didn't have the courage to be so aggressive, the embarrassed look on Natsukawa's face from afar wasn't bad either. Heh... you've grown, Natsukawa. It brings a tear to a fan’s eye.
“Sajou.”
“Huh?”
I turned around at the sound of my name. Sasaki was looking down at me while I sat in my seat, a strangely triumphant look on his face.
“Wh-Why are you in this classroom?”
“I'm in this class... Why are you treating me like a trespasser?”
Sorry, I was in such a good mood that I felt I had enough leeway to mess with him. This was the first time in my life I’d been able to feel this emotionless toward a handsome guy. Actually, that was a lie. I hoped someone messed up his lunch order so both tiers of his bento were just plain white rice.
“What's up, Sasaki? Did your sister finally disown you?”
“What are you talking about?! No, it’s about the test ranks!”
Sasaki wasn't talking about his sister? Impossible... while thinking such nonsense, I looked over the overall ranking table Sasaki pointed at. Searching for Sasaki's name, I found it much higher than mine.
“Twenty-ninth... not bad.”
“Right? On the other hand, you dropped quite a bit, Sajou. Couldn't keep up with the work? Hmm?”
Ugh... the hell? This guy was mocking me! This pretty boy looked like a painting even when he was being a jerk.
This was a serious situation. For the uncool students, our only weapons were academic—namely, studying. I couldn't accept having that stolen by some handsome guy from the Soccer Club. My motivation just got a jolt from a totally unexpected direction.
“I hope every single one of your passes is offside...!”
“You say some pretty awful things, you know that?”
It was strange. No matter how much I struggled, I didn't feel like I could ever stand on the same stage as him.
Was it because of motivation after all? The reason he suddenly started saying annoying things was to compete with me over Natsukawa, right? To begin with, the difference in our innate abilities was egregious. Plus, I'd already been rejected countless times. You're already blessed with high specs, so could you stop getting serious against me?
“It’s fine to brag, but if you want to look good for Natsukawa, twenty-ninth place isn't going to cut it, is it?”
“Ugh...”
That girl was second in the grade. I felt like there was no point in him acting triumphant toward me. In fact, wasn't the academic path a bed of thorns for him? Unless he took first place, he wouldn't look cool at all. That was rough.
Wait, the person in first place had a really long name... Looking closely, there were western letters in it. An international student? Just being an international student made them seem smart.
“Well, just give up on studying and do your best at soccer. Don't miss any PKs.”
“I told you, studying isn't something you just give up on—ugh, don't go putting weird pressure on me right before a tournament...”
Wait, was Sasaki a regular even though he was a first-year? If he took a regular spot over his seniors this early, the jealousy and resentment would probably be scary. Well, I'm sure Sasaki would be fine, since he had a dependable sister like Yuki-chan!
My ball! My ball!