Stepping inside a girl’s house. For a high school boy, it was a dream-like event, something that rarely happened. Since it was actually happening to me, I was starting to fall under the delusion that I’d ascended to heaven.
I had been basking in a hazy sense of bliss, but it seemed I had completely failed to grasp the sheer terror of playing with a child.
"—Giddy up! Sajoo!"
"Wheeze... wheeze..."
"Horsey! Slow!"
"Heh... heh..."
I was out of breath and could barely manage a response. Despite my state, a five-year-old girl was energetically thrusting her arm into the air while straddling my back as I crawled on all fours, slapping me repeatedly. The kid’s room wasn’t exactly massive. However, it felt far too large for someone with an adult-like frame to be circling around on their hands and knees.
"Wait, are you okay...?"
"I-I’m fine..."
"You don’t have to push yourself so hard..."
"Heh... heh..."
At first, I’d just thought it would be nice if she took a liking to me. So, while making small talk with Natsukawa, if the little girl said anything even slightly affectionate, I responded with everything I had. When she got bored, I left her be... or so I thought.
"Sajoo!!"
"Hm? Oh, it’s dangerous to run like tha—ghhk!"
Children were fickle. Something would trigger a sudden shift in their interest, and they’d come flying at you. From the first time I caught her, I’d optimistically thought, Whoa, she’s strong, but because of that, she had apparently judged me to be someone it was okay to crash into.
"I... yield..."
"Kyahahaha!"
The horsey collapsed onto the floor. The little sister on my back seemed to find the sinking motion amusing, as she just sat there straddling me, giggling away. They say a child’s stamina is bottomless, but if anything, I was the only one actually burning energy here...
"Um... does she always play this hard...?"
"No, usually it’s playing house or something..."
"Um, excuse me, Airi-san?"
"Whaaat?"
"Whyyy?"
"Wee-ird."
"Natsukawa-san."
"I-I’m not the one who taught her that!"
For the first time in my life, I was called weird by a little girl. The impact was on a whole different level compared to your average high school girl... What is this devastating shock? Does it hurt this much when it comes from a soul this pure? This is the first time I’ve felt this close to losing heart...
"I’m tired—"
"I’m the one who’s tired here."
"Nooo!"
"What do you mean 'no'?"
"What do you mean 'no'—!"
Guh... stop looking like you’re having so much fun. Wait, don’t pull my hair. Being on my knees hurts, ow-ow-ow, ah, right there...
"Wait, you, no matter how you look at it, that’s...!"
"I’m not really in a position to care about that right now..."
"Ugh, honestly...!"
Collapsing facedown on the floor, Airi-chan was probably mimicking me. I could feel her pressed flat against my back. From an outside perspective, the level of physical contact was likely a bit much. Natsukawa said something with a panicked face, but honestly, I was beyond caring... Do you understand? That nauseous feeling you get when you suddenly exercise after months of inactivity.
The weight on my back lifted. It seemed Natsukawa had retrieved Airi-chan. I never thought I’d end up lying on the floor of a girl’s house like this.
"Honestly."
"Aah."
The little sister was hoisted up and held in Natsukawa’s arms. In a complete turnaround from her earlier frolicking, she went quiet and looked at me with a blank expression. I bet this kid doesn't think she did anything wrong at all...
Catching my breath, I looked to the side while still lying facedown to observe the sisters.
"..."
"W-What?"
"...No, it’s just that seeing you make that kind of face is fresh, Natsukawa."
"Ngh... D-Don’t look."
When it came to her domestic side, I had been kept away from the Natsukawa family's affairs for so long that I’d stopped even considering it. Perhaps because of that, my impression of Natsukawa as an only child remained strong. That’s why seeing Natsukawa’s "older sister face" was moving... or rather, it stirred a different kind of excitement in me (insane).
"—Are you satisfied now?"
"Eh?"
"You were feeling restless, weren’t you? In some sort of gross way."
"Ah..."
In the end, I couldn’t hear the truth from Natsukawa’s own mouth, but that was probably because Ashida’s intuition had hit the mark. Even so, as long as Natsukawa’s heart cleared up, that was fine by me...
"...N-Not yet."
"Ehh..."
Not yet? I thought I’d used up quite a bit of stamina... Does that mean just introducing me to Airi-chan wasn’t enough to clear her mind? I thought I’d left a pretty strong impression, though.
"———I-I still haven't been able to ask the things I want to ask..."
"...Eh? Things you want to ask?"
Wait, there’s more? Wasn’t it enough for Airi-chan to remember me? That wasn’t all?
"Like what, for example?"
"..."
Natsukawa pondered while still hugging Airi-chan from behind. Airi-chan, being squeezed, tilted her head to the side and looked up at her sister with a face that seemed to say, Aren’t you going to let go yet? You’re energetic, aren’t you? For someone who said they were tired, you didn’t really use that much stamina.
After a moment, Natsukawa seemed to have organized her thoughts and threw a question at me with a determined look.
"—L-Lunch! Where do you always go when lunch starts?!"
"Eh...? Um, I eat on a bench in the courtyard, or at the cafeteria if there’s a seat open."
"W-With who!"
"Sob... By myself."
When I answered while faking tears, Natsukawa whispered, "I see..." in a small voice. Had she not heard from Ashida...? I thought I’d mentioned it normally somewhere in our conversations.
While I was wondering about that, Natsukawa shot me a look that said, There’s more, so you’d better be ready. Alright, bring it on.
"W-Why do you eat alone? You should just eat with everyone."
"Huh?... Ah, now that you mention it."
It sounded like a delicate question, but there wasn’t a particularly sad reason for it. Why did I start eating alone again...? It’s not like I don't have friends. If I recall, at first... it was because I wanted to be alone to think after distancing myself from Natsukawa. It just ended up becoming an extension of re-evaluating my life. I’m still eating alone now. I had originally spent my time (forcibly) with Natsukawa, after all. It might be difficult to suddenly start eating with someone else at this point.
"It’s just how it happened. Aizawa went back to her ex-boyfriend and all that, and before I knew it, I was on my own. Oh, but I think I ate with the Disciplinary Committee people today. With Shinomiya-senpai and Inatomi-senpai... wait, what was that other person’s name again..."
"Eh...? S-Shinomiya-senpai? You did?"
She had a look on her face that said she was incredibly surprised. But wait, I thought Natsukawa was there when I was called out directly... Was there something strange about it? C-Could it be she thought, She’s not the kind of person an average guy like you should be involved with?!
"W-Why? What’s your relationship?"
"Eh? We just happened to run into each other at the cafeteria—what’s our relationship? Me and her, uh... I think we’re just a normal senior and junior. She’s also a friend of my Nee-chan."
"I-I see..."
"Yeah..."
"..."
"..."
U-Um? What is this awkward atmosphere? Why have you gone silent, Natsukawa-san! A question! Give me the next question! I don't have the mental strength to endure this silence!
As I was wondering what to do, Natsukawa looked up as if she wanted to say something. I strained my ears, watching for the moment her mouth moved.
"W-What about us...?"
"Eh...?"
"Are we not... going to eat together anymore... like before?"
"That’s, because... ah, no."
I think I said this at my house before—I was about to continue like that, but I stopped. My declaration back then... that had been words with a more romantic meaning. I think what Natsukawa wants to ask isn't about that.
It’s not about being a man or a woman, and calling us friends feels a bit different. We are—a group. Including Ashida, Natsukawa surely wants to say, "Weren't we a group that always gathered and talked happily together?"
I wish I could be like that too. I’d be happy to be in the same group as a girl who’s clearly a flower on a high peak like Natsukawa, and it doesn't feel bad to have a girl like Ashida who proactively talks to me nearby. Thinking about things without involving romance might be tough for a guy, but even so, I could undoubtedly lead an enjoyable school life. At least, someone like me, who’s already finished with everything and written it off, should be able to hang out without expectations. I think. Probably. Maybe. It's probably impossible.
There are things that change by me keeping my distance. In fact, Natsukawa, having lost the noisy existence known as "Sajou Wataru," has made new friends. There are people who stay away if I’m nearby. By me being there, there’s even a possibility that the youth appropriate for Natsukawa will drift away.
In that sense, though it’s incredibly complicated, maybe it’s an option to support Sasaki’s love with everything I’ve got. He’s a handsome guy, after all.
Well, I’d hate that, though.