“...Huh?”
“I-I said...! I-if you’re okay with it—”
While trying to kill the intrusive thoughts that felt like they were tearing my soul apart, I dropped the loafers I had just picked up. I looked pathetic as I watched them roll much further away than expected and had to go retrieve them.
Uh, Natsukawa-san... right now? Today? Are you for real?
That was incredibly sudden—or wait, maybe it wasn't? I had completely ruled out the possibility that Natsukawa would invite only me. At the very least, I didn't think it would happen today.
“Uh... wait. Didn't you say something about needing to prepare?”
“T-that was... m-mental preparation.”
“Cute.”
“D-don’t call me cute, you idiot!”
“Sorry, it was my libido.”
“...Kei mentioned that before, too. What even is that?”
Wait, Ashida said that too? Ashida felt a libido toward Natsukawa? Does that mean I was actually Ashida’s rival? Oh man, I can practically smell the lilies from here. I’ll just step aside, so please feel free to feel all the libido you want. I’m a huge fan. Preferably in front of me, if possible.
Actually, I shouldn't be greedy. Come to think of it, the fact that Natsukawa is even interacting with me is the pinnacle of happiness. Where do I apply for tickets to the handshake event?
...Wait, so what’s happening? Am I going to Natsukawa’s house right now? This is bad, isn't it? Isn't this super bad? Is this the "badness" Ashida was talking about? This is insanely bad. Do I need a gift box or something—Airi-chan, uh... a Himo-Q?
◆
The walk home felt nostalgic. Even though it had only been a short while since I’d done this, the sentiment hit me hard. I wonder how many times I’ve walked this path with Natsukawa since April. I was just chasing after her the whole time, though. Haha.
The big difference from back then was that Natsukawa wasn't walking briskly ahead of me; she was right by my side. It was honestly a bit embarrassing.
“Hey, Natsukawa.”
“W-what?”
“I’m so nervous I think I might die.”
“W-why are you so nervous?!”
“Because it’s just the two of us, Natsukawa.”
“Wh-wha...?!”
“Don't you get it? Look at my legs, they’re literally knocking.”
“...They really are shaking.”
You didn't have to say it. Look, you know how I feel about you, right? Do you understand how I feel right now? It feels like I’m in heaven while simultaneously undergoing torture. It’s like being served a massive burger—my absolute favorite—when I’m already bursting at the seams. My heart simply wasn't prepared. In short, Sergeant, that is the current status report! This was no time for me to be acting as an emotional sponge! ☆
“You don’t have to be that nervous...”
“I’m giving up on being calm. I’ll turn this nervousness into power.”
“O-oh... okay...”
Right, think. This isn't some romantic development. Natsukawa is simply introducing me to her little sister. Yes, that’s all. Natsukawa walking home with me is just a formality. In other words, this situation is strictly business.
That said, what should I talk about? I want to ask if it’s really okay for her to show me where she lives or let me inside, but if I ask that, it’ll lead to “Then why was it not okay until now?” and that’s a bad move. It’ll probably make Natsukawa suffer again. So, let’s pick a different topic.
“...What’s your sister like? I’ve only seen her in photos on your phone. For the record, my sister is a gorilla.”
“I assume you made up with your sister, then...”
“I think so. I stuffed a meat bun in her mouth.”
“What are you doing?! Nee-chan is going to be angry!”
Natsukawa huffed in annoyance. She really was cute. Well, I didn't literally stuff it in. If anything, that primate was asking for it.
But I guess that’s just how we are as siblings? It’s like we’re just reporting our status to each other. Same as a timeline. I bet all sibling relationships are pretty much the same.
“She gets mad at that and tries to speak with her fists, but it always ends with me being the one spoken to—that’s our skinship. Come to think of it, Nee-chan is probably the one I’ve been most honest with... though I don't know how she feels about it.”
By "honest," I mean if there's any man Nee-chan would physically expose her gut to, it’s probably just me. Wouldn't that be seriously bad for any other guy? If I imagined Natsukawa doing that—stop, stop right there. Things are about to get weird.
“I-is that so? There’s skinship like that, too...”
“I’m your senior when it comes to having siblings. If Airi-chan ever stuffs a meat bun in your mouth, let me know. I’ll give you advice.”
“The day Airi does something like that will never come, not in a million years.”
Well, you never know. Even a young child changes after ten years. Even Nee-chan ten years ago wasn't a gorilla—wait, that’s weird... my impression of her hasn't changed since the old days. I just remembered her giving me the insane order to do a full 360-degree loop on the swings.
“Airi is... well, Airi is...”
“Yeah.”
“───An Angel.”
“Yeah, I get that you dote on her like crazy.”
She was dead serious. I know another senior who dotes on a so-called Angel just as much as Natsukawa does. Thanks to that experience, I could sense the depth of Natsukawa’s devotion to her sister. Well, judging by those incredibly cute photos, it’s understandable.
“So? Any specific points you adore?”
“Eh? Um... the way she feels completely safe with me.”
“Wait, you can actually tell?”
“You see, when I pick her up, she leaves everything to me... she lets go of all her strength and just slips into sleep.”
“...”
Ngh... Cute! Natsukawa is super cute when her tone softens while talking about her sister! Wait, has she ever shown me such a gentle face before?! I’ve been involved with her for years and this is the first time I’ve seen this expression—what the heck?! Seriously... am I going to die today?
She probably doesn't want anything to happen between us. I knew that.
“...Just so you know, don't expect any 'big brother' vibes from me like Sasaki has. Come to think of it, I’ve hardly ever interacted with young children.”
“Ah... that’s right. You are a younger brother...”
“Were you expecting that?”
“I-I wasn't! Don't get ahead of yourself!”
“So, uh, just for reference, how exactly did Sasaki interact with her...?”
“...You’re definitely trying to lower the bar, aren't you? It’s fine as long as you just act normal.”
But I don't want to be hated... and what does "normal" even mean? I’ve been acting "normal" this whole time and getting called gross.
No, seriously, how do I get her to like me? I have zero clue how to get along with a child I'm meeting for the first time. Also, is this okay? To someone meeting me for the first time, my hair color probably gives off a pretty delinquent vibe... Ah, this is bad.
“Um, Natsukawa-san...”
“W-what is it?”
“...Can I go home?”
“H-huh?! Why are you saying that now?!”
“Because the pressure of this nervousness is about to crush me...”
“Don't say 'crush me'! Th-that’s exactly the problem with you!”
“Ugh...”
Nothing Natsukawa said to me before ever really hurt, but being called out objectively like that makes me weak. My self-esteem! My self-esteem is draining away like HP in a poison mist stage!
“J-just come on! There’s no way you’re going home after coming this far!”
“Ah, wait...”
She grabbed my arm and pulled me down a path different from our usual route. Natsukawa’s house must be up ahead. Oof... the Mapping Function in my head is running at full capacity on its own. I guess my body is still devoted to Natsukawa after all. Sorry, all you Natsukawa fans nationwide... I’m going to Natsukawa’s house today.
“Aaaaaaaah......”
“Stop groaning under your breath! It’s nothing to be that nervous about...!”
No, first of all, the moment I'm about to enter the house of the person I like... you get it, right? You don't? Please understand! You know how I feel, Natsukawa-san! I’m happy, but I’m not! I’m scared! It’s like I’m heading to Onigashima!
What if I act suspicious the whole time... if that happens, I'll have no choice but to distance myself from Natsukawa for real. Because it’ll be too painful for me...... This is it, this is what’s "gross," isn't it?
“Natsukawa... it’s a bit late to ask, but you’re being pretty proactive about bringing a guy into your house.”
“D-don't use phrases like 'bringing a guy in'!”
“No, I really think this situation is crazy...”
“Ugh...”
This is bad. I felt like I could follow Natsukawa anywhere for her sake, but it seems my realistic side is trying to flee from this rare situation more than I expected. I’m not following her silently at all. The words just keep spilling out.
“............W-what’s so strange about it?”
“...Eh?”
“W-we’ve been together for two and a half years. What’s so strange about letting you into the house...? It’s not strange at all.”
“Not strange...? Not strange, not strange...”
“E-eek...?!”
That’s true... come to think of it, it’s almost been two and a half years. It’s exactly as Natsukawa said. If we’ve been hanging out that long, there’s no real discomfort in letting someone into the house, even if they’re the opposite sex... right?
I’m just shocked that Natsukawa even recognizes that we’ve been "together" this whole time; the distance in our hearts felt so great that I didn't even have the awareness that we were "hanging out."
If that’s the case, I just have to endure. I can do it. I can do this. Stomach ache from nerves? Haha, Nee-chan’s punch to the solar plexus is a hundred times more painful. Hold it together, my sanity...! Reality evasion times three!!