And so, the Ruination Operation began.
I descended upon the battlefield.
Everyone froze in their tracks at my sudden appearance. Even the Parcion soldiers, whose supply lines had been systematically dismantled by our drones, stood paralyzed.
"Hellooooo, everyone fighting with such deadly seriousness! We are now commencing an all-unit exercise for the Parcion Army! Come at me with everything you’ve got! The last one standing is the winner!"
A high-pitched, metallic ringing split the air.
"Wa-Wait, Leo! What on earth are you thinking!?" Claire, who had been trying to handle the situation with the most sincerity, shrieked.
"Pipe down! Hey, Parcion! The King of Chronos is right here!"
Just then, another transport aircraft arrived—one that definitely didn't belong to our fleet. Oh boy, here they came.
"Gwahahahahahaha! It looks like you’re up to something interesting!"
Saria’s Papa had entered the fray. His unit was unmistakable; it was the Former Great King of the Ogre God Nation-exclusive Machine. Of course! I should have known Saria’s Papa would be lurking around somewhere!
And then, another one appeared.
"Leo-kyun. It’s so heartbreaking that you didn’t consult your respected master!"
That was Katori-sensei. And he wasn't alone.
"Lord Groom! Her Imperial Majesty the Emperor has commanded me to beat some spirit back into you!"
Ah... Piggett. What was I supposed to do with this?
Yet another transport aircraft touched down, and ground troops began swarming out like ants.
"Ah—King of Chronos. It’s Huma. Personally, I’m dead set against this, but... regarding this incident... as punishment, it seems you’ve been demoted to Private Second Class in my unit for the next two months."
An officer’s life spent being beaten into shape by a Non-commissioned Officer who had skipped the lower ranks entirely! Wifey... she was serious. She was genuinely furious with me.
"U-Um... Wifey...?"
"What is it, you moronic Private Second Class?"
"Don't you think bringing in Huma-san is a bit like cheating...?"
"Shut up, you idiot!"
I mean, come on, Huma-san! And Huma-san’s unit! They were the Galactic Empire Space Marines Special Forces!
Huma-san spoke up then, sounding thoroughly reluctant. "Listen here! I want to go back to the Young Lady’s side too, you know! But they told me I had to stay here because they’re short-handed!"
Well, he was just too capable for his own good. There was already a proposal on the table to promote Huma-san to Colonel under the title of General Commander of Galactic Empire Non-commissioned Officers. Word was, if he refused that, they’d just make him a Major General instead.
"I’m kinda sorry about this..." I offered a sincere apology to Huma-san. Out of everyone here, he was the only true victim.
"Hey, Leo! Where’s the apology to your master!?"
"Yeah, yeah, I hear you."
"You little bastarrrrrrrrrrrd!"
"As for me," the Former Great King cut in, "I’m fine with anything as long as it’s fun."
He was the most honest person on this battlefield. Truly admirable.
"Alright, everyone. We’re going to get you all caught up in our little struggle, so please do your best to run for your lives."
A booming crash echoed across the field as Rikochi’s descent was completed.
"Leo, which ones should I kill?"
"Go wild as you please!"
Then Tatiana’s machine landed with a sharp thud. "My mouth ulcers won't heal because of you lot!"
With a heavy metallic clatter, she deployed several hundred floating batteries. She was putting out ten times her usual number. Wait, why were some of them locking onto me?
"You guys better reflect on yourselveeeeeeeeees!"
Ah, stop!
"Ah, Tatiana, you brat! You’re attacking me too!" Katori-sensei yelled as he was also targeted.
Nice, go for it, Tatiana! Give it to them!
"Tatiana! Why am I being dragged into this...?" Even Piggett was caught in the crossfire. Excellent!
"Gyahahahahahaha! Leoooooooooooo! Leo, you bastard! I’m going to punch you when this is over! I’m going to work you to the bone as a Private!" Huma-san’s scream rang out above the chaos.
However, the ones being pulverized the hardest were the Parcion Tank Unit. They were being shredded like plastic bags in a hurricane.
"And a-one! And a-two! Hup!" I zipped around, dodging the beams effortlessly. I had proper countermeasures against Tatiana’s patterns!
Tatiana continued her total annihilation of the tanks. Honestly, I was glad it was Tatiana’s floating batteries. Her aim was incredibly sloppy. If it had been Kevin, who was capable of ultra-precise maneuvers, there would have been a body count for sure. As it was, the tanks looked like scrap metal, but they were being disabled in a way that spared the crews.
Rikochi remained the most composed, blocking everything with her massive shield. I really wondered how anyone was supposed to defeat her. The machine was a monster, and the pilot simply had no weaknesses.
Rikochi drew her urumi. With a series of sharp cracks, she began swatting Tatiana’s floating batteries out of the sky. Alright, I’d just use Rikochi as a shield. I moved into position behind her...
WHAM!
She caught me with a backfist.
"Y-You hit me! I haven't been hit in ages!"
"Don't get behind me," Rikochi said, sounding like a professional assassin.
Eventually, having fired far too many shots, Tatiana’s machine ran out of energy and ground to a halt. She had collapsed inside, completely drained from overusing her ESP. Serves her right!
It was the usual messy, disorganized scene, but then the tone shifted. The Former Great King, completely ignoring the atmosphere, fired a shot at the warehouse behind the lines. The last of the enemy supplies went up in smoke.
"Now... both sides are being noisy and annoying! This settles the match. You know what comes next, right? Everyone out of your machines and brawl! The last one standing is the Hero!"
Since the Former Great King had given the order, I hurriedly climbed out of my cockpit. Holding a megaphone, I shouted to the heavens:
"Speak with your fists, you moronsssssssssssss!"
Everyone abandoned their machines and hit the dirt.
"Girls, please stay in the Rosaria Relief Squad just in case," I instructed.
Rikochi looked dissatisfied. "But why?"
"From here on, it's a secret between boys♪"
"That's disgusting!"
With that, I chased them off and cracked my knuckles.
"Everyone come at me! You idiotsssssssssssssssss!"
It turned into a total free-for-all. Factions? Friends or foes? Who cared anymore! The Imperial Army, the Chronos Army, the Taikyoku Nation Army, volunteers from the Ogre God Nation, and even the Rosaria guys who had joined in on a whim. The Battle Royale had begun. We communicated through the clash of knuckles.
The Lieutenant General joined the fray as well. "You bastard! I told you we should have negotiated!"
I drove a body blow into his gut. "I told you I couldn't do anything about it anymore!"
I followed up with a hook to his face. He turned his head to ride the impact.
"Negotiate anyway!"
I slammed an elbow into his jaw. Yes!
But the Lieutenant General was a veteran warrior. He grabbed me by the collar and delivered a vicious headbutt. "I told you I couldn't!"
Sparks flew before my eyes. Ah, that was a bad one. But this was a matter of pride. I grabbed his collar in return and slammed my forehead into his.
"Do it anyway! In the army, a superior's orders are absolute, aren't they!?"
CRACK!
The Lieutenant General's forehead split open, blood beginning to mask his face. Even so, he didn't back down.
Headbutt! "Don't meddle where you don't belong, outsider!"
CRACK!
"You're the ones who dragged this outsider into your mess, you bastards!"
CRACK!
That one must have left a mark, because the Lieutenant General switched to throwing punches. "What's with that smug look on your face!?"
WHAM!
Gah, that had some weight behind it. This old man... he was a serious hard-hitter!
"Shut up! My ancestors were entertainers!" I yelled, swinging back with everything I had.
"And yet you've got such heavy fists!"
"You too!"
My hook caught him square in the jaw. The Lieutenant General staggered. I didn't give him a chance to recover; I moved behind him, wrapped my arms around his waist, and locked my grip tight.
"Go to sleep, you moronnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!"
With a perfect backdrop, I slammed the Lieutenant General into the earth, silencing him.
"Alright! Next! Who's next!?"
Our Fight Club raged on until the sun went down.
The results: Zero deaths. Every single male soldier was seriously injured. The Lieutenant General: Hospitalized. Katori-sensei: Dislocated right shoulder, broken left hand, and a broken collarbone. (I was responsible for most of that.) The Former Great King: Three broken ribs, a broken forearm, and numerous bruises. (He looked entirely satisfied.) Me: Every single rib broken. Several broken fingers. A gash on my forehead. And... my nose was broken by the Lieutenant General's headbutt. The nosebleed wouldn't stop.
The Winner: Piggett. (He had wisely retreated to watch from a distance once Tatiana dropped out.)
Everyone involved in the incident was demoted to Private Second Class for a set period. Furthermore, the King of Chronos was sentenced to one month of toilet cleaning duty and a total ban from the kitchen.
...I’m about to cry.
Starting tomorrow, I'm a Private Second Class!