Chapter 6

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."

"Happy birthday, Mr. Teironly."

"Stop it! That nickname hurts, okay? Just stop. Besides, 'Dear Teiro' works way better! It fits the rhythm, and it’s better for my mental health!?"

"I, too, possess such a thing as free will," Koume countered flatly.

"Ah... what is this? My eyes are sweating."

"Are those tears of joy, Mr. Teiro? My, my, I suppose I’m just a wicked woman."

Their voices echoed through the cramped control room. Despite the seemingly playful banter, Taro’s hands were shaking with a tension he couldn't suppress.

"Alright, quit the clowning. One last check. Overdrive Device?"

"System status: [GREEN]."

"Battery levels?"

"[GREEN]."

"Targeting and phase-destination lock?"

"Both are [GREEN]."

"Shields. Just give me the bare minimum."

"[GREEN]. Systems are all green, Mr. Teiro. This is the fifth time we’ve done this. Isn't it about time you grew a spine?"

Taro let out a low groan at Koume’s jab. With bloodshot eyes, he booted up BISHOP and began yet another exhaustive dive into the ship's granular systems.

"Listen, we only get one shot at this! If we fail, it’s game over. A whole year of blood, sweat, and tears down the drain, and then we just wait for a slow, agonizing death."

"Mr. Teiro, if I may. I can survive semi-permanently on solar charging."

"No, no, Koume-san! We are in this together. Partners till the end. Let’s stick to that narrative, okay? Please?"

While a portion of his mind processed the program architecture, Taro reached out and fiddled with Koume as she hovered, wobbling slightly.

"Man, this really is a hack job. I wish I’d had some halfway decent tools."

He spun the two wheels—which were really more like cross-shaped rods—that protruded from Koume’s spherical body.

"It is a significant improvement, Mr. Teiro. At the very least, I no longer trip over the floor piping. This represents a monumental leap forward in my mobility."

Koume’s lamp blinked as she proudly spun her new 'legs.' They made a rhythmic clack-clack-clack sound every time they struck the floor. Taro found it irritating, but the AI didn't seem to have any aesthetic complaints.

"Well, for something I threw together because I was bored... it’s not half bad. Error check complete. Is it... is it really time?"

Taro closed the error-detection program he’d spent the last week perfecting, gave a massive stretch, and slumped back.

"That is excellent news, Mr. Teiro. However, I recall hearing those exact words 142 hours ago. I am beginning to find your credibility suspect."

"Don't be like that, sugar. This is a one-and-done deal. You can't be too careful. Besides, the first check did turn up an error, didn't it?"

"Affirmative, Mr. Teiro. However, I fail to see how the toilet being out of commission for an hour due to a battery shunt is a mission-critical failure. Even if you had an accident, I wouldn't have minded. I would only have teased you about it once or twice a week."

"That sounds like literal hell!! And that interval is the worst! You'd wait for me to finally forget before dropping the hammer, wouldn't you!?"

Taro gave Koume’s round chassis a playful shove, then took a long, shaky breath. He climbed into the cryogenic pod he had first woken up in and prepared himself, activating BISHOP.

"If... look, if the drive fails and we’re totally screwed, just freeze me again. I’m not ready to spend my life rotting in this tin can, and honestly, the thought of dying here scares the crap out of me."

He relaxed his limbs and shut his eyes, focusing entirely on the BISHOP interface.

"...Understood, Mr. Teiro. Though I doubt it will come to that. You have a natural gift for BISHOP, and the ship’s renovations proceeded with shocking efficiency. You should have more confidence. To put it bluntly: you are likely a genius."

Koume rolled up right next to the pod, her lamp pulsing. Taro gave a self-deprecating snort. "I just didn't have anything better to do."

"Even so, Mr. Teiro. Aside from the time you spent sleeping, eating, and... well, your various 'private recreations'... you dedicated every waking second to ship design. You cut the estimated construction time by more than half. If there is a word for that other than 'talent,' I would be fascinated to hear it."

"Wow, you're really laying it on thick... thanks. Wait—you were watching me!? I want to die! Kill me now!"

"I saw nothing, Mr. Teiro. However, you certainly have... eclectic tastes in media. Even I was—"

"Stop!! Just—shut up and stop!! We’re going! Right now! Switch on!!"

Half out of desperation to end the conversation, Taro triggered the program. Deep behind his tightly shut eyelids, a torrent of commands began to execute.

[PROGRAM NOAH: ACTIVATED]

[BATTERY CIRCUIT BYPASS: EXECUTING]

The room’s lights cut out, plunging the interior into total darkness. The hum of the machinery and the life support died instantly. The only sound left was the faint, rhythmic thrum of the cryogenic pod vibrating against Taro’s ears.

[ATTITUDE CONTROL CHECK: NO PROBLEMS]

[LANDING ZONE BUFFER SECURED: NO PROBLEMS]

[TARGET: SG-3835 STARGATE VICINITY]

He felt a microscopic tremor in his seat. It intensified, growing into a violent shudder that threatened to rattle the entire room apart. Taro gripped the silicone padding of the pod until his knuckles turned white.

"Alright, then! Do your worst, you piece of junk!!"

[OVERDRIVE: ACTIVATED]

In an instant, a piercing, high-pitched whine shattered the air.

Then, absolute silence.

The thousands of lines of the FUNCTION GROUP that had been screaming across his mental HUD suddenly froze, perfectly aligned in the void.

Am I dead?

That was Taro's first thought.

He was in a world without sound, motion, or light. The only thing that proved he hadn't crossed over into the Great Beyond was the voice of the partner who had been his only company for a year.

"Mr. Teiro. Congratulations. The drive operated within nominal parameters."

Taro opened his eyes gingerly. It was still pitch black.

"......Haha. Hahaha!"

"Local relative time: 2,000 milliseconds. Ship time: we will arrive at the target in approximately 15 minutes."

"I did it... I actually did it!!"

"Battery levels, attitude control, life support... all systems are stable."

"Dammit! I did it! Did you see that? Witness my greatness! Whoooooo!"

Taro scrambled out of the pod into the darkness, tripping and rolling across the floor in a fit of manic joy. When his hands finally found the familiar cold sphere of Koume’s body, he planted a massive kiss right on her glowing lamp.

"Mwah!! Koume, I couldn't have done it without you! Thank you!"

"Mr. Teiro. I am technically only one year and a few months old. By almost every legal statute in the Galactic Empire, that was a criminal act. You are a pervert."

"I don't care if I'm a pervert! Throw me in a cage, send me to the gulag, I don't care! At least there will be people there! Hehe... man, it’s gonna be paradise."

Thinking back on the crushing loneliness of the past year, Taro felt like he could endure anything as long as there were other humans. Koume had been his rock, but she was an AI, not a person. He loved her, but she couldn't fill the deep, human-shaped hole in his soul.

"What's the first thing I should do? A greeting? Oh man, I’ve forgotten how to talk to people. Am I gonna be weird? What if they think I’m a total creep?"

Taro drifted off into a fantasy about his first contact with the people of the future. But then, as if to dump a bucket of ice water on his parade, Koume’s voice turned clinical.

"I hate to interrupt your moment of triumph, Mr. Teiro, but a problem has emerged."

Taro froze mid-celebration.

"...'Problem' usually doesn't mean 'good news' when you say it."

"Affirmative. However, this was an unavoidable coincidence. This vessel is not equipped with long-range scanning arrays."

"Don't leave me hanging, Koume-chan. What kind of problem? Meteors? Space debris?"

"Negative. We can avoid debris easily enough. The probability of a direct collision is so low the number of zeros after the decimal point would make you dizzy."

"Then what is it?"

"Mr. Teiro, there is a high probability that multiple other vessels are currently occupying the space near our exit point. Their threat level is unknown, but I can say with certainty that they are not civilian liners."

"Multiple ships... and not civilian? How do you know?"

"Because, Mr. Teiro, I am detecting continuous high-energy signatures from the vicinity of the targets."

Koume spun her cross-shaped wheels, her lamp flickering rapidly.

"The probability is high that the target vessels are currently engaged in active combat."