Chapter 187

Happy New Year!!

I have finally escaped the year-end and New Year’s hell... orz

"Excuse me. President, regarding the wreckage of the pirate ship... er, what on earth are you doing?"

Director Clark stepped into the Battleship Plum Executive Office with a brisk knock, only to freeze, his expression twisting into one of pure suspicion at the sight of Teiro.

"Whaddya mean? I’m working hard. I'm just on a little break... Ah, Director, come on in. It feels amazing."

Teiro was sprawled flat on the floor, answering with a listless wave of his hand. From the waist down, he was buried under a blanket integrated into a desk. He looked like he was being swallowed by the furniture, basking in the pleasant heat of the far-infrared rays emitting from the lights installed underneath.

"Sigh... Very well, excuse me. I simply cover my legs, I take it?"

Clark sat cross-legged and lifted the blanket to peer inside. He must have felt the wave of cozy heat rolling out; after a momentary scowl, he gingerly draped the blanket over his knees.

"It’s called a Kotatsu. It’s an ancient heating appliance from Earth. I just sort of threw it together using some weapons development gear, but it turned out pretty well... Warm, isn't it?"

Teiro explained the device to Clark, who continued to eye the Kotatsu as if it were a suspicious explosive. Clark offered a curt "I see," sounding entirely unimpressed, before tapping a data chip against the terminal sitting atop the Kotatsu.

"I fail to see the logic in heating only this tiny, enclosed space, but... very well. More importantly, President, the investigation team has finished the report on the pirate ship wreckage. According to the team... President? Are you quite alright?"

Sitting directly across from Teiro, Clark straightened his back and peered down. Teiro, who was currently drifting in and out of a blissful daze, answered with a heavy, slurred tongue.

"I’m lishtening-o."

"I see. Then, to continue... The team found that in the wreckage thought to have self-destructed... President, are you really alright? Your eyes aren't focusing."

"I’m fiiiine, totally fiiiine, I’m listening... Ahhh... seriously, this is paradise..."

"President... Hmmm. It seems it would be best for me to return later."

Clark muttered to himself, looking genuinely concerned. "Please read this when Miss Marl arrives," he said, leaving the chip behind as he stood up and beat a hasty retreat. Teiro didn't quite catch what Clark was saying, but he managed a "Suuure" nonetheless.

A Kotatsu really is a Good-for-nothing Manufacturer... and even knowing that, it’s a seductive machine you can never leave.

Teiro muttered to himself, his face slack with pleasure. While the company’s management was plagued by the usual mountain of problems, the big picture was looking incredibly smooth. At the very least, there wasn't a war on the immediate horizon. In the face of this rare peace, he had allowed himself to go completely limp.

"Hey, Teiro, I’m coming in. Are you—wait, are you okay?"

Ten or twenty minutes must have passed before Marl burst into the office, her face a mask of worry. Teiro rubbed his bleary eyes and let out a massive yawn. "Wha’s wrong?"

"What’s wrong?! Director Clark just passed me in the hallway! He said you were 'tripping out' on some mysterious device! Look, I’m not saying you have to stop, but at least do it in moderation, okay?"

Marl shot him a concerned look from across the Kotatsu.

"No, 'mysterious device' is a bit much... This is just a Kotatsu. It’s a heater. See, on Earth, there’s this thing called winter... Ah, forget it, explaining is too much work."

Teiro, his expression still utterly dazed, decided that talking was an unnecessary chore and simply rolled over.

"I know what winter is! I've just never felt it... Wait, it’s freezing! Why is it so cold in here?!"

Finally noticing the frigid temperature of the room, Marl hugged herself and looked around in shock. She immediately used BISHOP to reset the air conditioning to a standard temperature, but Teiro instantly toggled it back down to "Arctic."

"What kind of harassment is this?! Are you trying to run superconductivity experiments in your office?!"

"No, no... the cold air is what makes the heat feel so good. Here, Marl, get in and try it."

"No way. I’ve got no interest in Endorphin Boosters."

"Endorphin... what?"

"That is a question Koume shall answer, Mr. Teiro!"

A voice rang out from the corner of the room. Teiro and Marl turned to see a familiar lamp blinking from within a pile of miscellaneous junk near the door—mostly the scraps and failures Teiro had generated while DIY-ing the Kotatsu.

"Why is Koume buried in trash? Are you really okay?"

"Hey, I didn't bury her. I mean, when did she even get here? Hold on, let me help..."

Teiro started to lift himself up, thinking the sphere wouldn't be able to escape the heap on her own. However, Koume’s voice cut him off with uncharacteristic force.

"STAY RIGHT THERE!"

"K-Koume-san?"

Teiro’s sleepiness evaporated instantly at the sound of her intense rejection. As he froze in a half-squat, Koume’s lamp flickered violently.

"If you believe Koume will remain a fragile, helpless entity forever, you are sorely mistaken, Mr. Teiro! To be human is to grow! To overcome hardships!"

Her voice was gentle and flowing, like a sermon. Teiro swallowed the retort that she wasn't actually a human and waited for her to continue.

"The Koume of the past was a small, puny thing. An existence that could not even overcome the most trivial of obstacles before her eyes!"

A rustling sound came from the junk pile as Koume began to shift.

"There were many times—too many to count—where I felt the sting of humiliation, unable to perform tasks a mere child could do with ease! The path I was meant to walk was forced into a zig-zag by my own physical limitations... HOWEVER!!"

At the summit of the one-meter-high trash heap, Koume’s lamp strobed with manic energy.

"That world ends today! Koume has obtained them! The legs to walk her own path! Just as the birds glide through the heavens, just as planetary humanity takes flight into the void, Koume has—yes—obtained FREEDOM!!"

A heavy, mechanical grinding sound began to echo from the pile. Koume’s body began to rise, shoving aside scraps of metal and plastic. The junk cascaded to the floor with a series of loud clatters.

"I no longer need a road... for wherever Koume passes, a road is CREATED!"

With a rhythmic clack-clack-clack, Koume slowly descended the pile of trash. In the spots where Teiro had previously installed cross-wheels to help her over cables, she now sported a pair of rugged Crawler Tracks, looking exactly like a miniature Tank.

"Fuhahaha! Is it not overwhelming?! I have nothing left to fear!"

Koume rolled forward, crushing and climbing over the cables and debris that used to be her mortal enemies, advancing toward the stunned pair.

"I... I see. That’s, uh, great. Really impressive..." Marl looked at Koume with a deeply awkward expression. "But, um, it’s a bit hard to say this now."

Koume executed a perfect Pivot Turn, pointing her lamp directly at Marl.

"Fufu, and what might that be, Miss Marl? For the current Koume, there exists a level of emotional leeway that allows me to overlook almost anything. Speak your mind!"

"Y-Yeah. About that... the maintenance on your Android Body? I just finished it. It’s all ready. I even installed the special seals against sand and fine particles."

"...................."

"So, I mean... yeah. Sorry."

"...................."

Koume said nothing. She simply used her left and right tracks to rotate her entire body vertically at high speed.

---

"You’re a liar... This really is an Endorphin Booster, isn't it?"

Marl, now pulled into the Kotatsu and draped in the blanket like a futon, spoke with a voice like melting butter.

"I told you, its other name is the Good-for-nothing Manufacturer. But you mentioned that 'Endorphin' thing earlier. What is it, exactly?"

Teiro sat opposite her, his chin resting on the table. He reached for a green fruit—some local planetary substitute for a mandarin orange—and bit into it. A refreshing, sweet-and-sour juice filled his mouth.

"Endorphin Boosters are what we call 'Mechanical Drugs,' Mr. Teiro," Koume explained from her perch on the table, still wearing her tank tracks. She plugged a cable into a nearby terminal, bringing up a schematic of a human brain.

"Endorphins, often called internal narcotics, provide a sense of euphoria. A device that mechanically triggers their release to provide pleasure is an Endorphin Booster. Most act on the brain via BISHOP, but there are types that inject synthetic versions. Those usually look like cryo-sleep pods."

"I see... Hey! The Kotatsu isn't some shady drug! It’s a wholesome heater!"

"There was once a company that smuggled a massive shipment of Endorphin Boosters into the Imperial Center Forbidden Zone," Marl chimed in, "and their excuse when they got caught was exactly that: 'It’s just a heater.' I thought you were making a joke about it... What was that company’s name again?"

"I wouldn't know! I haven't been in this galaxy long enough to make 'social jokes.' I'm just a baby, only two or three years old, remember?"

"Right, right. A 'baby' who manages the transport and sale of Adult Goods. You've even started manufacturing them lately... though, when you think about it, it’s hilarious. The president of the company is legally forbidden from using his own products. What kind of joke is that?"

"Shut up! Leave me alone! I want to use them too, you know!"

When Teiro had drafted the RS Alliance laws, he had based the entire system on Galactic Imperial Law to save time. Writing a legal code from scratch would have taken decades, and the local laws on Enzio were a bit too "barbaric" for his tastes.

The unintended side effect was that the age-restricted laws were also copied from the Empire. Teiro had effectively banned himself from his own adult content. He had only realized this after the laws were ratified, leading to a very loud, very private session of weeping.

Granted, it was a transition period, and the laws were basically a sieve with plenty of loopholes and zero enforcement. But the head of the government couldn't exactly go around flouting his own laws in public.

"Dammit, I’m gonna make you squeal one of these days... Ow! Stop kicking me! Stop!"

"The crime of sexual harassment is a lot heavier than you think. What are you going to do if your subordinates sue you?"

"Heh, I’d never say stuff like this to anyone but you, Marl. I’m safe."

"...H-Hmph. I-I’m not falling for that! I can see right through your 'charming banter' routine!"

"Tsk, did I use that one too much? Ow, ow! Stop kicking!"

While the battle raged under the table, Koume shook slightly on the tabletop. Then, as if struck by a thought, her lamp flickered. "Speaking of drugs, Mr. Teiro..."

"Yeah? What about 'em?"

"Regarding those pirates... it appears a significant number of them were using drugs."

"The ones we caught? Were they using those Endorphin things?"

"Yes. In particular, extremely high concentrations were found in the remains of the pirates from the self-destructed ships. Of course, the brain secretes dopamine at the moment of death, so it could have been a counter-measure to that."

"I don't really get the science, but I guess it makes sense. I mean, if you’re told to blow yourself up in an emergency, you’d have to be on booze or drugs to actually go through with it. Unless you’ve got some crazy religious zeal or patriotism, I guess."

Teiro muttered his thoughts, then pulled the blanket up to his shoulders and lay down.

"Drugs, huh... This really is a scary place."

"Did you say something?" Koume asked.

"Nothing," Teiro replied. "It’s nothing."

The author does not own a Kotatsu. The reason I haven't bought one is that the probability of my novel updates stalling would be extremely high—