Episode 151

Whether you wake up on the right side of the bed usually boils down to the quality of the dreams you were having. At least, that was Teiro’s theory.

He couldn't remember a single detail about whatever he’d been dreaming moments ago, but based on his lack of cold sweats, he figured it hadn't been a nightmare.

“Teiro? Are you awake?”

A voice drifted in from right beside him. Teiro turned his head, his vision a blurry mess, and found Marl staring back at him with a look of pure anxiety. They were in a sterile, unfamiliar room. Aside from the bed he was currently occupying, the only furniture was a utilitarian table and chair.

“……”

His consciousness felt like it was trapped in a thick fog. Physically, he felt fine, yet there was a bizarre sense of wrongness clinging to his entire body. Am I still dreaming? he wondered, experimentally clenching and unclenching his fists.

“—Yes, yes! He’s awake. Come here this instant. Get the doctor! And if you can, bring Koume too. Just hurry!”

Marl was barking orders into a handheld terminal, looking frantic. Teiro watched her, a nagging sensation tugging at the back of his mind. He felt like he was forgetting something. Something incredibly important.

“Make way! Hey, Boss!! You okay?!”

Alan came charging into the room like a bull. Koume was hot on his heels, and the two of them leaned over the bed, looming over Teiro with intense scrutiny.

“Eh? Ah... well...”

Teiro tried to process the situation, but his sluggish brain wasn't coming up with any answers. They looked far too serious for this to be a prank. He wondered if their concern had something to do with this weird, "floaty" feeling in his body—it was like he was lacking a sense of physical weight.

“Marl, what are the Medical Machine’s readings?” Alan barked, his eyes never leaving Teiro.

“Perfectly fine. Everything is within normal parameters. Brain waves included.”

Marl pointed to the display on a small device by the bedside. Teiro’s eyes followed the smooth, fluid movement of her fingers, and then it hit him—

“...Marl!! That’s right! Are you okay?! Your arm! What happened to your arm?!”

Teiro bolted upright and lunged for Marl’s arm like a man possessed. He faceplanted onto the floor before he could reach her, but he scrambled back to his feet instantly. A little thing like gravity wasn't going to stop him.

“W-Wait, Teiro! I’m fine! I’m really okay!”

A startled Marl tried to back away, but Teiro wasn't having it. He grabbed her hand and began frantically inspecting it, patting and prodding her skin as if checking for seams.

“Teiro... it’s okay. Really. See? It’s a real hand. It’s still a little stiff, but the doctors say it’ll be back to normal soon. So please, just... calm down.”

Marl gave him a gentle, patient smile, the kind one might use on a toddler. Teiro let himself be guided back to the edge of the bed, where he sat down heavily.

“Thank god... so you found it? Your arm?”

Teiro looked back and forth between Marl and her limb. He’d known she survived the moment they recovered the escape Capsule, but the fate of her missing arm had been a mystery. The Capsule’s flight recorder had logged that Marl had manually ejected her severed arm along with a pile of obstructive debris.

Marl blinked at him, looking genuinely confused.

“Found it? What are you talking about?”

“What do you mean? That’s your arm, right? But you ejected the old one!”

“My previous arm? Well, yes, but...”

Marl shot a pleading look at Alan. The big man simply shook his head and adopted a somber tone. “He might just be scrambled in the head, kid.”

“Listen, Boss, just sit tight until the doctor gets here. Your body is fine, but your bra—er, I mean, it’s nothing. Everything’s coming up roses. No problems at all! You recognize me, right? It’s me, the Vir—ah, no, forget I said that. Just stay cool. You got it?”

“...Honestly, I think you’re the one who needs to stay cool, Alan.”

“I hear ya, I hear ya. You’re just a little confused. Forget about that arm you tossed into the void. Just focus on resting.”

“Forget it? Hey, don't joke around. That was Marl’s arm! I’m going to get actually angry if you keep making light of this.”

“I mean, yeah, it was her arm, but... Boss, are you sure you’re okay?”

The air between Teiro and Alan grew thick with tension, though they were clearly arguing about two different things. Just as the standoff reached its peak, Koume chimed in.

“May I interject for a moment?”

“By the way, Mr. Teiro. Why are you so fixated on Miss Marl’s lost limb?”

“What do you mean 'why'? Life is hard without an arm! What was she supposed to do, get a prosthetic? I mean, I guess she’s fine since she has one now, but still!”

“A prosthetic? I fail to see the relevance to Miss Marl’s situation.”

“...Huh? A prosthetic! You know, an artificial arm? A robot limb?”

“Yes, I am familiar with the concept. However, such an Android Body would be entirely unnecessary for Miss Marl.”

“Android Body... okay. I think I see what’s happening here. This is a culture gap, isn't it? Don't tell me... can you guys just, like, grow arms and legs back whenever you want?”

“That is partially correct, Mr. Teiro. Arms, legs—essentially any part of the body besides the brain can be replicated. Judging by your shock, am I to assume Earth lacked Regenerative Medicine?”

“So that’s it... I mean, we had it, but it was basically in the 'poking it with a stick' phase of research... Dammit. I look like a total moron for panicking.”

Teiro let out a self-deprecating chuckle, but Marl was quick to cut him off.

“Don't say that.”

“I’m just happy you cared that much. Thank you. But Alan is right. Stop worrying about me and start worrying about yourself.”

Marl tried to push him back down into the sheets, but Teiro waved her off. He felt perfectly fine—vibrant, even.

“I’m okay. If anything, I’ve slept so much I’m actually restless. By the way, how long was I out?”

“……About three months, Teiro.”

“Whoa, seriously? That’s a legendary nap. Even the most hardcore NEETs don't pull numbers like that... wait, WHAAAAAAT?! Three months?! Are you for real?!”

Teiro’s scream echoed through the room. Marl winced and covered her ears.

“Dead serious, Boss. The girl recovered ages ago... Man, why’d you have to go and tell him now?”

“Three months... Was it something bad? Like cancer? Do I have space-cancer?”

“Nah, you’re the picture of health. I don't know what 'cancer' is, but you’re clean of all diseases. We hooked you up to the best Medical Machine in the galaxy. Everything from your muscle mass to your gut bacteria has been optimized. We even kept the skin. Honestly, you’re probably in better shape now than you ever were.”

“It cures cancer too? Man, this tech is basically 'cheating at life' status... wait, holy crap. It is real. Look at this! I’m ripped!”

Teiro yanked up his shirt, revealing a set of perfectly defined abs. He’d always been on the scrawny side, never muscular. Seeing a literal six-pack on his own torso was a religious experience.

“Incredible. I have a six-pack. I’m actually moved... Oh, hey, the skin really is still there.”

Teiro started peering down his own pants. Marl immediately looked away, face flushing. “H-Hey! Put that away!”

“If they were going to optimize everything, they could’ve given me an upgrade down here too... Ah, I see. Right. That’s why.”

He finally realized why they were all looking at him like he was a ticking time bomb. Teiro nodded to himself.

“I believe the assumption that you were already 'perfect' and thus required no optimization is a bit optimistic, Mr. Teiro. While a tapering end can be considered a unique characteristic, it is a bit of a stretch. Though the utility of the skin is immunologically sound.”

“I wasn't saying 'I see' about that!! You really do love your dirty jokes, don't you?!”

“I don't just love dirty jokes, Mr. Teiro. How insulting. I’m a connoisseur of all things lewd.”

“And thank you for that beaming smile you usually never show!”

Teiro threw out the retort and collapsed back onto his pillow.

“Phew... Look, I know you guys are worried about my brain. But I’m fine. I know my own head better than anyone. There’s no problem.”

A heavy silence settled over the room at his words.

“To be honest, I don't really remember what I did back then. I clearly did something crazy enough to put me in a coma for three months, but that’s it. That’s all it was. I haven't gone crazy... Oh, looks like the doctor’s here. I hope she’s hot.”

[ATTENTION: MEDICAL PERSONNEL HAVE ARRIVED AT THE UNIT.]

Having received the notification from BISHOP, Teiro waved the others toward the exit. The group lingered awkwardly for a moment in the Roma Central Hospital suite before finally shuffling toward the door.

“I’ll come back after your checkup... Is there anything you want?”

Marl lingered behind after Alan and Koume had left.

“Hmm, not really. I can kill time on my terminal. Don't worry about it; I’ll probably be discharged soon anyway... Though if I had to pick something, I’d take a well-endowed female doctor. Actually, that might be too much to ask for even Teiro the Gentle. I’ll settle for either—GURGH!”

Marl smacked him upside the head, eliciting a strangled cry. Then, while he was busy wondering if she actually was worried about his brain, she grabbed his hand and yanked him forward.

He felt something soft envelop his hand. His wrist disappeared into the depths of her cleavage.

“S-Settle for this for now! And take your exam seriously!”

She practically threw his hand back at him and bolted out the door. Teiro watched her go, stunned.

“Well... it never hurts to ask, I guess,” he muttered.

He looked down at his right hand. It was trembling—a fine, rhythmic shutter.

“Now then... how the hell am I going to hide this? Telling them I’m just practicing my drumming... probably won't fly.”

Teiro stared at the shaking limb and let out a long, heavy sigh.