Chapter 156: Realization

I woke up in Lumia’s arms. We were back on the ship. I looked up to see a circle of worried faces peering down at me, and I figured I should probably say something to break the tension.

"Er, good morning?"

For some reason, my mana was completely topped off. There wasn't a monster in sight, but everyone else looked like they’d been dragged through hell; exhaustion was written all over their faces. Lumia was still in the middle of her [Origin Burst], and Baal was nowhere to be found. I was more than a little lost.

"After Master was devoured, Gluttony turned into a fly. We just finished putting a stop to its little tantrum," Lumia explained.

"Just because you're annoyed doesn't mean you can skip the details, Lumia," Belphe added.

"…How humiliating. I am a useless maid… hehe."

Lumia started sulking the moment Belphe chimed in. Her tone had reverted to the one she used when we first met. Don't throw me away, Master, she muttered under her breath, the light fading from her eyes.

"Seriously, what happened?" I asked.

I managed to get them to put me down. I turned to Shiki, usually the most reliable person in the room. He looked back at me with a conflicted expression.

"It seems the version of Baal that became Beelzebub lifted your curse. That thing about making you prone to feeling [Envy] toward others."

Envy. Now that he mentioned it, a lot of things clicked into place. I’d been harboring a certain resentment. Specifically, I’d been stewing over the "me" of this world ever since we arrived at Enoshima. And in that same moment, I realized something else—something far more important.

"I didn't notice, but were you okay, Shiki?"

"Uh... yeah. But look, it's seriously embarrassing, so can we just not talk about it right now?"

My feelings for them had been growing as we spent time together. I acknowledged that much. They were important to me.

But the old me would have just ignored it. I’d bottled it up, refusing to think about it because I knew there was no 'forever' for me. Since coming to Enoshima, however, that lid had been blown clean off.

"Give me a break... Seriously, I’m going to have a long talk with Levi-san next time we meet."

The Great Sins' Demons. There were five of those beings residing in the Soul World, so I was well-acquainted with their quirks. Their mana amplified the specific sins they represented. [Gluttony] made you starve; [Lust] made you horny; and [Sloth] made you a lazy, unmotivated mess. Which meant if you were under the influence of Leviathan, the avatar of [Envy]...

"Hey, Reima," Ayane said, her eyes boring into mine. "I haven't asked this in a while, but... why do you keep fighting for us? I know you're kind. I know you've got an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. But that isn't the whole story, is it?"

Ayane’s eyes pierced through me. The faint wavering in those red depths betrayed a mix of fear and concern, along with a firm refusal to let me lie my way out of it. I hesitated.

"Do I really have to say it?"

"Yes. I need to know."

I had to tell them. I'd been avoiding this conversation for ages. I hadn't even told the Summoned Beasts. I knew that if I said it out loud, someone would try to stop me. But I guess my tab had finally come due.

I’ll tell them. Now that I’ve finally realized how much they mean to me.

"—It was for the Summoned Beasts. And for the 'me' that belongs here."

The initial shock was palpable.

"When I first got here, I thought I was dead. I realized I couldn't go back, but then I found two people I didn't know who were precious to me, and a family. My Summoned Beasts were here too, and I felt like I had to protect them. I wanted them to live in peace. But then... I learned how hard the Reima Kariya of this world had worked. I decided I had to give him his body back. That's what I thought."

I’d been using everyone else as an excuse to justify my own erasure. I was already dead, after all. I figured I could just leave my Summoned Beasts in the hands of the 'me' that actually belonged in this world.

"...'Was'? What about now?"

"Yeah. For the longest time, I was convinced I had to return the body and vanish. I was a ghost. A dead man walking. But then I realized I care about you guys. I want to be here. I want to be with my Summoned Beasts forever. I finally admitted that to myself."

I took a breath. I still needed to have this talk with the Summoned Beasts later, but for now, I needed to say this to the comrades I’d made in this world.

"I’m still going to return the body. I’m still going to protect everyone. But now, I want to find a way for me to survive too. Besides... if I don't go back, the Ayane and Shiki from my side would be lonely."

Honestly, I’d given up on going home. But I was done with that. I was going to make it all happen. If I wanted everything, I had to live in the present with everything I had.

"I can say it clearly now. I'm not giving up on anything. So... please, keep fighting by my side."

I waited for their answer. I was anxious, terrified, and honestly, incredibly embarrassed. I’d just bared my soul, and I wasn't even sure if I’d made any sense. The silence that followed felt like an eternity.

"Uh... guys?"

"Honestly," Ayane sighed. "Reima never changes. Both versions of you are total morons."

"Well, at least you’re talking. That’s progress," Shiki said. "I've got plenty to say about it, though."

"I have once again confirmed that leaving Reima-dono to his own devices is a recipe for disaster," the samurai maid added.

"It’s just like my friend to be so dramatic... but we knew that already."

Wait. This wasn't the reaction I expected.

I looked at Laura. She was the only one who hadn't said anything. I was hoping for a lifeline, or at least a graceful exit from the awkwardness, so I turned toward her.

"Hey, you idiot."

"Idiot!?"

"Yes, an idiot. You’re a complete and utter moron. You planned to just disappear? Because you died? Don't give me that crap." She grabbed me by the collar and yanked me close. "What's this 'fight with me' nonsense? Don't underestimate us. We made our choice a long time ago. Stop moping and accept yourself, Reima."

Her face was inches from mine.

"I’m here because I want to be with you! Because you’re important to me! If you’re going to talk trash about my idol—about the man who saved me—I’ll punch you, even if that man is you! If you’ve got time to sit around overthinking, then use that time to run head-first into trouble like the honest fool you are!"

I looked at the others. They were all smiling. Even Lumia and Belphe looked more exasperated than anything else.

"Master, you should get it by now," Lumia said. "You can trust these people. Not a single person here thinks the world would be better off without you."

I slumped down, my strength deserting me. I really couldn't win against them. But I knew then that as long as I had them—and my Summoned Beasts—I could keep fighting forever.

"Then... I'm back in your care, everyone."

I thought I’d learned how to smile and trust again when I first woke up in this world. But it was only in this moment that I truly understood what that meant.

"Let's win this. No matter what."