Episode 134: The Sexual Phantom Beast that Presides over Purity

"Go on, pin her down! Do it, Master! Even Balor is fine!"

"Hey, trash brother, do you want to settle this here and now? We made a bet to just watch, remember?"

We had just finished our flower viewing and were heading back toward the church when I caught the sound of familiar voices. One was Bicorn—I could tell by the idiocy of the words alone—and the other was...

"Um, judging by the voice, that's Unicorn-sama and her brother... right?" Balor asked.

"Yeah. Well, unfortunately, yes."

I stole a glance to the side. There stood a girl with a single horn and hair styled in a gradient of pink and mint. She was wearing a hoodie with sleeves so oversized they swallowed her hands. In one hand, she clutched a massive book, looking ready to swing it down on Bicorn at a moment’s notice.

"Now, now, my incompatible sister. I may have lost the bet, but is it not a man’s right to live honestly with his desires?" Bicorn countered.

"Just drop dead already. I’m here for the pure love."

"Hah? Semantically speaking, 'impure love' is still a subset of 'pure love,' isn't it? If anything, things aren't truly pure until they’ve properly done the deed!"

"You want to go? Right now?"

"Ha! Challenge accepted! Don’t think you can best me, the two-horned one!"

Despite the fact that they were supposed to be secretly tailing us, the horse siblings had devolved into a full-blown brawl. They scuffled and grappled, pulling at each other's faces in a fight that rendered their horns entirely decorative. Bicorn lost in a matter of seconds.

"Heh... I forgot. My physical specs were Zaba tier."

The fool muttered this with a melancholy expression, seemingly oblivious to the fact that we were watching him. It was almost refreshing how pathetic he was, in a roundabout way.

"So, I take it the winner is... Uni?" I called out.

"Eh? Ah... U-Uwaaaa! Re-Reima-san?! You were watching?"

"I mean, yeah. Hard not to, with all that noise."

"I-I’m so sorry! And this was a precious... d-date with Balor-san, too..."

Uni’s personality flipped instantly. She shrank back, blushing. Except when she was dealing with her brother, this was her default state—meek and easily flustered. She enlarged her book to a massive size, using it as a shield to hide her face while peeking out at us.

"So, what have you been up to lately, Uni?" I asked, trying to bridge the awkward silence.

"L-Lately? I’ve been reading the manga you gave me... and writing some of my own. I’d heard about them before, but this is the first time I’ve seen the real thing in this world."

"Heh, that sounds interesting. Think you could show me sometime?"

"N-N-N-No! Absolutely not! Especially not to Reima-san!"

She rejected the idea with such vehemence that I decided not to push. I didn't want to see whatever she was hiding that badly. Still, I took another look at her.

The grimoire she held—a gift from Merli—was a magical item with infinite pages that allowed for endless writing. It looked several hundred pages thicker than the last time I’d seen it. Just how much is she writing?

"P-Please don't stare... it's embarrassing."

"It is a pleasure to meet you in person, Uni-sama," Balor said with a gentle smile. "Hehe, you really are a lovely person."

"Wa-wa-wa... Is it really okay for someone like me to receive such praise? Um, ehehe. Personally, I think Balor-san is much more beautiful... and incredibly erotic!"

"E-Erotic?" Balor blinked, turning to me. "Master, what does she mean by that? And her face... is she alright? It’s a bit intense."

Unicorn was being remarkably—no, brutally—blunt.

I knew the inner nature of this Phantom Beast quite well. She was supposed to preside over purity and healing, but to put it simply, she was an "openly closeted pervert." The fact that the Summoned Beasts’ outfits were so provocative was a direct result of Arachne’s obsession with functional beauty colliding with Uni’s perverted instincts.

"Uni, I’d appreciate it if you didn't say things like that to Balor. You're confusing her."

"Ah, I’m sorry... My true feelings just slipped out."

"Exercise some restraint, then. For everyone's sake."

"T-True, you're right. Balor-san is much more delicious as an 'ignorant' (muchi) Sister... preferably under a 'whip' (muchi)."

"............"

I didn't say it aloud, but I felt it in my soul: those two really were brother and sister. If I pointed it out, she’d probably deny it with everything she had, but there wasn't much evidence to the contrary.

"Ignorant? I suppose I am a bit sheltered from the ways of the world, but..." Balor mused, tilting her head.

"Then let me ask you this, Balor-san," Uni interrupted. Her eyes turned sharp, and her stutter vanished as she became suddenly eloquent. "Suppose Reima-san comes to the church at night and tells you he can do whatever he wants to you. What do you do?"

"Um... do I have to answer that?"

"Yes. This is a vital confirmation."

Pressed by Uni's unusually aggressive demeanor, Balor began to blush furiously as her imagination took over.

"I... I would want him to... hold me?"

"Shaaaaaaaa! I knew it! Our headcanons align, Reima-san!"

Uni screamed with enough volume to rattle my eardrums. I took psychic damage just hearing it. Balor looked like she wanted to jump out of her skin.

"Stop howling. You're scaring her."

"But! An aggressive yet ignorant Sister is an endangered species! Ah... I am satisfied. Balor-san, please stay exactly as you are. Keep the rom-com vibes coming. If you could aim for a 15+ rating, that would be bene, bene!"

"You’ve been terrifying from start to finish. Calm down, Uni."

As Balor stood there with a literal question mark floating over her head and Uni continued her rapid-fire rambling, I felt a massive headache coming on. They really are siblings, I thought again. Then, I noticed a dark shadow creeping toward us like a specter.

"Sister... I think it’s wrong to keep Balor in the dark about the world’s wonders," Bicorn’s voice drifted over. "Besides, ignoring me like that was cold. But above all... I shall be the one to teach you the meaning of 'impure'!"

"Tch. You’re still alive, trash brother? Wait, what are you doing?!"

"In a manner befitting one who loves the impure, I shall manifest the desires of all! Go forth, Master! Do your best!"

The useless horse gathered his mana and unleashed a spell directly at me. I was instantly swallowed by a thick cloud of smoke.

"Cough... Damn, it's smoky."

A pathetic poof echoed through the air. The smoke cleared in seconds, but the sight that met my eyes left me speechless.

Standing before me were nearly a dozen versions of... me. They were all expressionless, but the moment I locked eyes with them, they turned tail and bolted, scattering in every direction.

"Wait—what? What is this?"

"It’s my masterpiece! A new spell combining my secret arts and illusion magic!" Bicorn shouted. "It creates a phantom that takes the desires and delusions of the first person it touches and makes them a reality!"

"............What?"

That was all the explanation I got.

Instinctive dread washed over me. Considering the potential chaos these clones could cause, I knew I had to destroy the illusion immediately. It was a matter of survival.

"You... Bicorn! You’re getting a lecture after this!"

"Fuhahaha! I’d rather not, so I’m leaving!"

The idiot immediately shifted into his beast form and galloped away at an absurd speed. Realizing the disaster was only going to escalate, I muttered a quick apology to Balor, hopped onto Uni’s back, and set off to hunt down that moron.