Reflections on Mob Maneuvers

I stepped out of the tent, breathing in the crisp, refreshing air of the morning.

The lingering traces of last night’s banquet still hung in the atmosphere. I’d never imagined they’d actually throw a welcome party for a bunch of new recruits, but we’d been treated to meat, booze, and even sweets. Everyone’s hype levels had been through the roof. Naturally, I’d taken the opportunity to secretly suck up to Quinton.

"You awake, kid?"

"Ah, hello."

I gave a polite nod to an old-timer who’d quit his job in the sticks to come out here.

"Missions start today, apparently. Better make sure you've got your armor on."

"Ah, right. Good call."

Starting a sentence with a hesitant "Ah" is the secret to nailing that perfect mob aesthetic.

Yesterday, those of us who arrived without our own gear were issued leather armor and spears. Both were second-hand, but hey, you get what you pay for.

The armor was light and thin, which meant it was easy to move in. Personally, I appreciated that it didn't get in my way, but if you asked me whether it actually offered any defensive protection, the answer would be a resounding "probably not."

The spear was as generic as they come. Unlike a sword, which requires actual finesse, anyone can just point the sharp end forward and poke. It was a weapon truly befitting a common foot soldier. I actually kind of liked it.

Equipped with my Thin Leather Armor and Common Soldier's Spear, I was—fufufu—the quintessential New Mob Soldier, no matter how you looked at me.

"Looking sharp there, kid."

"Ah, no, not really."

"Give it your best shot out there."

"Ah, thank you very much."

I was cheered on by one guy who’d sold his family farm and another who’d literally pawned his wife to be here. Their gear was identical to mine, though they looked more like bandits than soldiers. It was honestly impressive that they considered themselves law-abiding citizens.

"Well, don't sweat it. If things get hairy, we'll look out for you."

"If you run out of steam, I'll carry your pack. I might not look it, but I was the strongest man in my village."

"Just say the word if you need help. I once took down a wild boar with my bare hands."

The old-timers boasted, proudly flexing their biceps. They were a rugged bunch, but good-natured enough. As of yesterday, it had been decided that the four of us would be operating as a single squad.

"Ah, thank you so much! To show my appreciation, let me give your shoulders a rub!"

"Oh? Well, if you insist. Truth is, my stiffness has been killing me..."

Perfect. Now I can play the role of the mob who ingratiates himself with the 'strong' guys by giving them massages.

In reality, I’d seen at a glance that their range of motion was terrible. I happen to be something of a massage expert. I pride myself on my extensive knowledge of the human body. I know exactly how to break it—and, conversely, I know exactly how to fix it.

I placed my hands on the old man’s shoulders, checking the alignment of his bones and muscles. The culprit is a combination of tension around the scapula and a misaligned spine.

I used his arm as a lever to manipulate the bone structure while loosening the surrounding tissue. Since there's only so much you can do with physical pressure alone, I surreptitiously funneled in some Magic Power to further relax the area, performing a bit of Myofascial Release to reset his spine and shoulder blades.

And... perfect!

"W-Whoa! My shoulders feel light as wings! Holy crap, what did you do?!"

The man began windmilling his arms with a massive grin on his face.

I thought so. All that experimentation on my sister and Alpha and the others really paid off.

"Whoa, seriously?! My neck’s been acting up too, actually..."

"My lower back’s been a mess lately. Can you take a look at me next?"

"P-Please, leave it to me!"

I performed the same treatment on the other two. Honestly, I’d probably make a killing as a chiropractor, a masseur, or even a doctor. The Eminence in Shadow must be well-versed in the medical arts, after all.

"This is incredible! I feel like I could fly!"

"I feel like I could take on a hundred guys at once!"

I was just happy they were happy.

Apparently, humans are hardwired to feel joy when they make others happy. Joy is contagious, or so they say.

I see. Personally, I think I prefer more direct forms of satisfaction.

"We're moving out! Pack your gear and form four lines!"

Quinton barked the order, and our march began.

Aside from a one-hour break at noon, we spent the entire day walking until the sun dipped below the horizon.

Compared to people from modern Japan, these guys had plenty of stamina, but this was still way too hardcore. Between the banquet and the lavish food, I thought this outfit might actually be decent, but experiencing this on day one... is this a black company? No, wait. A mob doesn't think. A mob just keeps walking.

Surrender yourself to the flow and don't resist—that is the law of the mob.

However, I could see the exhaustion setting in on the faces around me.

It was dark now, and we’d entered a dense forest. It wouldn't be surprising if people started dropping out soon. We must have covered over fifty kilometers.

The only reason no one had collapsed yet was likely the high morale. The dream of striking it rich, the memory of last night’s feast—it all played a part.

They hadn't been trained worth a damn and were clearly just a ragtag bunch of amateurs, but if they had one redeeming quality, it was their spirit.

But spirit only gets you so far before the body hits its limit. Motivation is important, sure, but you can’t run on vibes forever.

Just as I was thinking that, the march came to a halt.

"From here on, extinguish all lights. Don't make a sound."

Goldoh gave the command, and we set off again.

Fortunately, the moon was bright tonight. Pale light filtered down through the canopy of the trees. Relying on that dim glow, we trekked through the woods for a while longer.

"We'll take a short break here."

Everyone let out a collective sigh of relief, some practically collapsing where they stood.

"But stay silent. No talking, and absolutely no fire."

"Goldoh-san, if we can't use fire, what about dinner...?"

"There is no dinner tonight."

"Huh?"

"We are currently near Count Ragitta's Castle. We'll wait for the garrison to fall asleep, then we're launching a night raid."

No one said a word, but the air was thick with sudden agitation.

"Don't worry. I know you're anxious, but this is a battle we're guaranteed to win."

Goldoh offered a reassuring smile and began to lay out the details of the operation.