I See, That’s a Marvelous Idea (Deadpan)

IRIS

“Is that the end of the report?”

The beauty with hair like a wildfire spoke. Her straight red locks, reaching down to her back, shimmered in the candlelight, while her wine-red eyes scanned the investigative documents spread across the desk. Her presence was so dignified and striking that the knight delivering the report couldn't help but flush.

“T-That is all, Lady Iris. We’ll continue the investigation immediately.”

Iris nodded, signaling for the knight to dismiss himself.

Once the door clicked shut, only two people remained in the room: Iris and a man with refined, handsome features and blonde hair.

“Marquis Zenon, thank you for your cooperation in this matter.”

“It happened on academy grounds. I bear responsibility for it as well, but more than anything, I’m just worried for Lady Alexia’s safety…”

Zenon looked down, biting his lip with a convincing display of regret.

“You have your duties as the Swordsmanship Instructor to attend to. No one is going to blame you personally. Right now, let’s focus on rescuing Alexia safely rather than pointing fingers.”

“You’re right, of course…”

“Moving on.” Iris paused, closing the file. “Are we certain there’s a high probability that this student, Cid Kagenou, is the culprit?”

“I’d hate to believe a student is capable of such a thing, but the circumstantial evidence makes him the primary suspect. That said, looking at his actual skill level, I find it hard to believe he could face Princess Alexia head-on and win.”

Zenon chose his words with calculated precision.

“Then he either had an accomplice or used drugs. Yet he didn't crack even under the Knight Order’s interrogation. Do you really find him that suspicious?”

“I don’t know. Part of me wants to believe in him.” Iris narrowed her eyes and nodded. “I’ve put a reliable knight on him for surveillance. We’ll just have to wait for the report.”

“I pray for Lady Alexia’s safety.”

Zenon bowed and made his exit. As he opened the door, a girl came sliding into the room before he could step out.

“Lady Iris! Please, you have to listen to me!”

“Claire-kun! What are you doing? My apologies, I’ll remove her at once!”

Zenon tried to grab the black-haired girl—Claire Kagenou—to drag her back out.

“Marquis Zenon, who is she?” Iris asked, stopping him.

“She is…”

“I’m Claire Kagenou! Cid Kagenou’s older sister!”

“Claire-kun! S-She’s a top-tier student at the academy, currently doing a trial internship with the Knight Order.”

“I see. It’s fine, let her speak.”

“Thank you so much!”

Claire stepped forward and pleaded with Iris. “My brother—Cid—he’s not the kind of person who would kidnap Princess Alexia! This has to be a mistake!”

“The Knight Order is investigating carefully to ensure no mistakes are made. Your brother hasn't been officially declared the culprit yet.”

“But if the real culprit isn't found, my brother is the one they’ll execute!”

“The Order is thorough. We don't execute people by mistake.”

“But still!”

“Claire-kun, that’s enough!” Zenon barked, stopping her as she desperately tried to press Iris. “I understand your feelings, but this is bordering on an insult to the Knight Order.”

“Kh…!”

Claire glared at Zenon, then turned that same sharp gaze toward Iris. “If anything happens to that boy…!”

“Claire-kun, I said stop!!”

Interrupting her, Zenon forcibly hauled her out of the room.

Thud.

Iris sighed as she stared at the closed door.

“The way we worry about family is the same, I suppose…” she whispered to the empty room. “Alexia, please be safe.”

They had been close once. But somewhere along the line, they’d started passing each other like strangers. They hadn't had a real conversation in years. And now, she realized with a pang, they might never speak again.

“Alexia…”

As Iris closed her wine-red eyes, a single tear traced a path down her cheek.

---

ALEXIA

When Alexia woke up, she was in a dim room. No windows, no exits—just a single candle providing a flickering light. The walls were rough stone, and a heavy-looking door sat directly in front of her.

“Where am I…?”

She had no memory of what happened after parting ways with Pooch on the walk back from the academy. When she tried to move, the sharp clatter of metal rang out. Her limbs were bolted to a stone pedestal.

“Magic-Sealing Restraints…”

She couldn't circulate her Magic Power. Breaking out on her own was going to be a nightmare. She ran through the possibilities—kidnapping, blackmail, human trafficking—but couldn't settle on a motive. She didn't have a claim to the throne, but she knew a princess always had some utility value.

With no information to work with, her mind drifted.

I wonder if Pooch is okay.

He was a recently acquired friend with a terrible personality, but Alexia had grown fond of how he spoke his mind without being intimidated by her. If he’d been caught up in this, his life was probably—no, better not to think about that.

Alexia shook her head and scanned the room again. Stone walls, iron door, candlestick, and… a heap of black trash?

The mass was chained up right next to her. As Alexia watched, it moved. It was breathing. It was some kind of living creature draped in rags.

“You. Can you hear me? Do you understand what I’m say—!”

The creature shifted and looked at Alexia.

It was a monster.

It was a hideously emaciated thing, the likes of which Alexia had never seen. Its face was a mess of black, festering sores, with features that barely resembled a nose or mouth. Its body was grotesquely distorted; its right arm was longer than Alexia’s entire leg, while its left was a shriveled, stunted thing fused to its chest as if it were cradling an invisible child.

And it was right next to her.

While Alexia was bolted down, the monster was only held by a neck collar. If it reached out with that long arm, it could touch her. Alexia held her breath and looked away, trying not to provoke it.

She could feel its eyes on her, observing her. After a silence that felt like an eternity, the chains rattled. Clink-clank.

Alexia stole a glance. The monster had curled back up and seemed to be sleeping. She let out a long, shaky breath of relief.

A moment later, the front door groaned open.

“Finally… finally, I have it.”

A gaunt man in a white lab coat stepped in. His cheeks were hollow, his eyes were sunken pits, and his lips were cracked and bleeding. His hair was a patchy, greasy mess that smelled like a rotting carcass.

Alexia watched him with cold, clinical detachment.

“Royal blood… royal blood… royal blood…”

While chanting like a broken record, the man pulled out a device fitted with a thin needle. He’s going to draw my blood, she realized. She’d had it done plenty of times by the royal physicians, but kidnapping a princess just for a blood sample was a bit extreme.

“Do you mind if I ask a question?” Alexia said, her voice perfectly calm.

“Nn? Nnn?” The man responded with a sound that was more of a wet groan than a word.

“What exactly are you planning to do with my blood?”

“Y-Y-Your blood is the Blood of the Demon. I’m going to bring the Demon back to the modern world!”

“I see. That’s a marvelous idea.”

I have no idea what he’s talking about, she thought, but he’s clearly insane and probably in a cult.

“However, I’d be quite annoyed if you took too much. I’m not really in the mood to die yet.”

“Heh… heh-heh… I-I know. I need a lot, so I’ll just take a little every day.”

“Yes, let’s do that.”

As long as her blood was useful, he wouldn't kill her. Alexia decided to play the part of the obedient prisoner until rescue arrived.

“It wasn't… it wasn't supposed to be like this. It’s all those idiots’ fault.”

“I agree. I can’t stand idiots either.” Dealing with them is so exhausting, she added under her breath.

“They destroyed my… my laboratory. That idiot Olba was the first to get taken out.”

“Right, right. Foolish Olba, going first like that.”

“And then, one after another! Aaaaaaargh!”

“You poor thing. You’ve really had it rough.”

“I have! I have! My research was almost finished! If I don't finish it soon, I’ll be excommunicated! Excommunicated!”

“That’s just terrible.”

“D-Dammit! You useless… useless thing!”

The man suddenly turned and began kicking the chained monster. He stomped on it again and again, but the creature just stayed curled in a ball, refusing to move.

“Weren't you going to draw my blood?” Alexia interrupted.

“Right! Right! Your blood! If I have your blood, it’ll be complete!”

“Good for you.”

The man readied the device and pressed the needle against Alexia’s arm.

“With this… with this, it’ll be finished. I-I won't be kicked out!”

“Try not to make it hurt.” Because I’ll want to punch your teeth in, she added mentally.

The needle sank in. Alexia watched the crimson fluid fill the glass container with an air of complete indifference.

“Heh… heh-heh-heh…”

Once the container was full, the man cradled it like a holy relic and scurried out. Alexia waited for the door to shut before letting out a heavy, weary sigh.

---

CID

Everything was for the sake of this day.

It had been two days since I was released from the "interrogation" (read: spa treatment). I was currently in my dormitory room, hand-picking items from my prized Eminence in Shadow collection.

Cigars… no, I’m not quite at the age where I can pull those off yet.

Vintage wine… ah, here we go. A masterpiece from Portaux in southwest French. It’s worth 900,000 Zeny. Perfect for a moonless night like tonight.

And of course, I need a glass to match. Let’s keep the French theme going—a Biton Glass, a cool 450,000 Zeny.

I added an antique lamp for mood lighting and hung a legendary painting I’d "found" (stole from bandits) called The Monk's Scream on the wall. Perfection.

Ah, my soul is healing.

All those nights spent hunting bandits and crawling through the dirt for gold coins were for this very moment. I almost teared up looking at the masterpiece of a room I’d curated from my collection.

All that was left was to set out the invitation that arrived today and wait.

I waited.

And waited.

And waited…

I was poised and ready!

Finally… the moment arrived.

As a girl clad in pitch-black slipped through my window, I delivered my line.

“The time is ripe… Tonight, we walk the world of shadows…”

Yes. Everything was for the sake of this day.